Posted on 06/21/2013 5:43:15 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Q: How does every immigration joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
A: E.T. eventually went home!
Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: How do you describe a well-balanced Immigrant?
A: One with a chip on both shoulders.
Q: Why are most Italian men named Tony?
A: When they got on the boat to America they stamped To NY (Tony) on their foreheads.
Q: Where does Arizona want illegal immigrants to go after passing a landmark immigration bill?
A: Back to their homeland in Los Angeles!
Q: Why are the children the ones being hardest hit by immigration reform in the south?
A: Because parents now have to start raising their own children now!
Q: What do you call two illegal immigrants in front of a trash can?
A: Family portrait!
Q: What do you call two illegal immigrants and their pregnant girlfriends in front of a trash can?
A: Night Club!
Q: Why are officials in Arizona still waiting to implement their landmark immigration reform?
A: Because officials want to make sure their pools were clean and their lawns were mowed before signing!
During a World Economic Summit, Barack Obama, Mexican President Felipe Calderón, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, and French President Nicolas Sarkozy are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued.
Barack Obama says "This is a fine bottle of wine Nicolas"
Upon hearing this President Nicolas Sarkozy throws out a case of France's finest wine and says "In France fine wine is bountiful and plenty!"
Not to be outdone by Vladimir Putin who then throws out two cases of Russia's finest Vodka "In Russia premier vodka spirits flow like the Volga River"
President Obama not wanting to seem weak, thinks for a moment, looks at Mexican president Felipe Calderón, and throws him out the window.
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal immigrant in the bushes right by the border fence in Texas, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence."
The Mexican, of course, agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow.......Now use all them in 1 sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
There was a lady who immigrated in Canada and married an Canadian gentleman. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. So, she brought her husband to the store... because he spoke English.
Catholic Heart Attack
You don’t have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!!!
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to.
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen.
She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
“Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Hose A and Hose B.
Well ... certifiable, maybe ;-)
[Burst out laughing]
OMGoodness! That is amazing!
Angry birds? LOL! Alfred does not look impressed. ;-)
What is she talking about?
For goodness sake, she has two cinnamon rolls stuck on the sides of her head.
She’s right up there with the Disney characters.
Bossy girl, isn’t she!
I understand her completely. I don’t think I’d take too well to being purchased by Disney.
Aw, I guess she deserves a little sympathy in that case.
Hey, are you saying that Disney bought the Star Wars franchise?
Cool.
Now THAT's just SCARY.
Oh, L! I forgot about that. What a disaster!
Jarjar Binks dancing to Chewbacca’s singing. I shudder...
Who are those alien creatures?
Is that Justin Bieber? Selena Gomez? Zac (gack) Efron?
More shudders! Unnngh!
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