***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

Today's thread is brought to you by the Letter "R" for Rapscallion

Fun Facts of Federal Spending:

1. A reality TV show in India. The Department of Agriculture’s Market Access Program spends $200 million a year to help U.S. agricultural trade associations and cooperatives advertise their products in foreign markets. In 2011, it funded a reality TV show in India that advertised U.S. cotton.
2. Studying pig poop. The Environmental Protection Agency awarded a $141,450 grant under the Clean Air Act to fund a Chinese study on swine manure and a $1.2 million grant to the United Nations for clean fuel promotion.
3. Amtrak snacks. Federally subsidized Amtrak lost $84.5 million on its food and beverage services in 2011 and $833.8 million over the past 10 years. It has never broken even on these services.
4. Using military exercises to boost biofuels. The U.S. Navy bought 450,000 gallons of biofuels for $12 million—or almost $27 per gallon—to conduct exercises to showcase the fuel and bring it closer toward commercialization. It is the largest biofuel purchase ever made by the government.
5. Conferences for government employees. In 2008 and 2009 alone, the Department of Justice spent $121 million to host or participate in 1,832 conferences.

Waste Book 2012:

1. “RoboSquirrel.” $325,000 was spent on a robotic squirrel named “RoboSquirrel.” This National Science Foundation grant was used to create a realistic-looking robotic squirrel for the purpose of studying how a rattlesnake would react to it.
2. Cupcakes. In Washington, D.C., and elsewhere across the country, cupcake shops are trending. The 10 cupcake shop owners who received $2 million in Small Business Administration loan guarantees, however, can only boast so much of their entrepreneurial ingenuity, since taxpayers are backing them up.
3. Food stamps for alcohol and junk food. Though they were intended to ensure hungry children received healthy meals, taxpayer-funded food stamps were instead spent on fast food at Taco Bell and Burger King; on non-nutritious foods such as candy, ice cream, and soft drinks; and on some 2,000 deceased persons in New York and Massachusetts. Food stamp recipients spent $2 billion on sugary drinks alone. Improper SNAP payments accounted for $2.5 billion in waste, including to one exotic dancer who was making $85,000 per year.
4. Beer brewing in New Hampshire. Despite Smuttynose brewery’s financial success and popularity, it is still getting a $750,970 Community Development Block Grant to build a new brewery and restaurant facilities.
5. A covered bridge to nowhere. What list of government waste would be complete without a notorious “bridge to nowhere”? In this case, it’s $520,000 to fix the Stevenson Road Covered Bridge in Green County, Ohio, which was last used in 2003.

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FUN FACTS ABOUT LIBERALS

* Liberals hate people who are not open minded. Open minded is defined as thinking just like they think (otherwise you're evil).

* Liberals love to spend other people's money. If you see a liberal, it's okay to take his money because it probably wasn't his anyway.

* Liberals have an irrational fear of firearms. If you want to scare a liberal, point a gun at him.

* The whine of the North American liberal can often be mistaken for the sound of a screech owl. The main difference is that the liberal's whine will also have a nauseating effect.

* Liberals love socialism and want to socialize all businesses. If you see a liberal coming towards your business, throw a stick at him before he can socialize it.

* Liberals are invulnerable to reason and logic. They are vulnerable to firearms, knives, and the ***** slap.

* Liberals hate America and love more oppressed people... like evil dictators.

* Much like the duck, it's illegal to shoot a liberal who is floating in a lake.

  * Liberals come in two main varieties: intellectual and mental patient. You can only distinguish between the two by noting whether their jacket has sleeves.

* Liberals are always trying to save the environment because they are apparently dependent on it. If you want to kill all liberals, destroy the environment.

* Even if you satisfy liberals’ demands, they'll come up with new thing to complain about that you could never even imagine; they’re just that creative. That creativity is put towards much better use as forced labor in a coal mine.

* You can tell if someone is a liberal by extracting some blood and seeing if it reacts violently to fire.

* Sorry, that previous item is how you find out if someone is the Thing. It's a good thing to check for that too, though.

* Some liberals still think Communism is good. I guess we should threaten them with nuclear missiles just like we did the Soviets.

 * In a fight between Aquaman and liberals, liberals would have Aquaman fined for disturbing the habitat of endangered fish. He would then sulk about it to the great annoyance of the Aquawife.

* Liberals like to sympathize with terrorists. Keep them away from Gitmo, or there will be nothing but sympathizing.

* I've heard vicious rumors that liberals also like the French, but that might just be slander against liberals.

[Lucky9teen]

[conservativebabe]

Excuse me, but WTH could possibly have been wrong with the Madeline pic that it needed to be removed?

[llevrok]

Not enough cow bell? You never know these days...(am betting adminimals are copy right sensitive)

[Lucky9teen]

[fredhead]

I think the Madeline pic violates copywright, so the mods removed it.

[Currentriverrat]

WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO IM IN!

[RandallFlagg]

Correct.

[TheOldLady]

My friend Arrowhead1952 emailed this to me this morning. I thought he would have posted it by now, but he has not, so here it is!

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”

She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals .......very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could kill them and make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” Guess where I am now...

[TheOldLady]

Who’s Madeline?

I thought madelines were vanilla cookies with a hint of lemon?

[MissTed]

[Arrowhead1952]

I was going to post that earlier, but our home network went haywire for a few hours. I’ve been outside working since early this morning so just now getting inside to the cool AC.

[TheOldLady]

Oh, oops! Hope you don’t mind that I jumped the gun.

[conservativebabe]

Ok good enough all. Thanks. It wasn’t my post but I noticed it was removed and I was curious because the content wasn’t offensive.

[N. Theknow]