Posted on 05/28/2013 10:47:14 PM PDT by proud American in Canada
Hi Freepers,
I have a question for you. It is late, so if anyone answers me, I’ll probably have to answer most posts tomorrow. I have this weird dichotomy going on. I go to church and pray a lot—but there is a part of me that just wants to die, although I don’t really want to. I was just listening to the Stone Temple Pilots—“I Got You”—about heroin. For a few moments I thought about how I might procure some, because tomorrow I have to go to the American Embassy in Ottawa to fix my papers so I can go see my family in Chicago; the embassy is near the Byward Market, where there are many drug dealers. Why is it that a person could be so divided. I feel so sad, and yet, so full of faith. Anyway… take care, Julie
Hey Julie?
You have lots of reasons to be sad, I know.
Also, you know? You are lucky to have us friends on this thread who care about you.
You know as lots of us do that Heroin is a one way street. It is the WORST. If you want to know what it can do to you, read about my friend Pax Prentiss and what he went through.
It is a one way street... It makes you ugly, and sick, and homeless. It turns you into a thief... You will steal from your friends and family.
It is a one way ticket to misery.
Great ideas from this thread:
1. PROMISE TO REPORT BACK TO THIS THREAD AND TELL US HOW IT ALL WENT. WE ARE WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU - DON’T LET US DOWN! WE LOVE YOU ! (Well I do because I happen to know what is going on in your head right now...)
2. Bring a friend to “The By?” Yes? OK?
3. Why not treat yourself to a TANNING SALON SESSION instead of that Sunshine? You know it’ll make you feel great.
What do you think?
I am waiting to hear from you. Remember even though we’re all over the world you have the BEST kind of Friends... FREEPER friends!
(1) Have you just recently decided to accept God's offer of a new life in following Jesus? If so, this might be significant.
My worst period of depression ever was about four months after I made that life-saving commitment. My Scripture-prompted spiritual conviction of having an unsatisfactory lifestyle and having done a lot of things unacceptable to my new Friend, Jesus, put me in a bad position. I knew I had to leave those things. I had no idea of what else to do, going forward. It was easy to say "born again" but a little harder to deal with this wrench in habits and old lusts of all kinds of things. That flattened me. Some friends took me out of my harrowing life and residence, and harbored me for about a month, giving me a rest, feeding me, and gave me relief from where I was living, After a month, close moments with my Heavenly Father through His Word strengthened me enough to go back and fight for myself
(2) See your doctor for a physical checkup and explain your disappointments and depression, but my suggestion is that you not accept antidepressant prescriptions from a general practitioner nor an internist: accept them only in the gravest extreme, but from a qualified practical psychiatrist known principally for dealing with behaviors and who knows what he is doing. (You are not likely to find a therapist who is both a psychiatrist and a Biblical Christian, so don't ask for spiritual advice.) I wouldn't take them more than about 6 weeks, because after that you will need more to bring the same relief, then more and more until you are so hooked on them you will feel that your depression, before you took these drugs, was your happiest time in life. Your depression--doctored with rest, regular diet, exercise, and memorizing/meditating on Scripture--will greatly diminish in a few weeks. Give that a chance, first. Be sure to face and recognize that if you are entering a new life with Christ, you must experience a withdrawal from your customary mindset, habits, and urges that will take you down, giving your Enemy, Satan, a chance to attack you strongly at your weakest point in the new life. Don't go that way! No no no heroin or other avoid/escape ploys -- except:
(3) Chocolate! Much of your happiness comes when things become enjoyable (and possibly even euphoric) when your deeply believed thoughts and expectations begin to cause your body to manufacture phenylethanolamine that acts in your brain, that burst of superior joy in your mind and heart when you "fall in love" with someone. When/if that love object fails to meet your projected but unrealistic expectations, depression sets in.
Some have discovered that eating chocolates will start to buoy oneself up enough to face the next day. This is true, and it truly works because when you expectations failed, your brain causes your body to cut back the phenylethanolamine sharply, with bitter sadness the outcome! Chocolate then is helpful in that it contains PEA to raise your depression (though not raising your previous foolish expectations), and you begin to realize that you can survive. Moreover, the darker the chocolate (and the more bitter it is without so many additives) the higher the concentration of PEA it has; thus the sooner and the more your brain will begin to convince you that you feel better.
Try it! gobble about half a bar of Hershey's Dark Chocolate, set your alarm for about two hours later, and then go about dusting furniture, or focusing on weeding the flowerbed, or listening to some spiritual songs, getting your mind off your depression. Later on, when the alarm reminds you, take a brief inventory to see how you feel. Didn't that work to raise the gloom enough to sense it? BTW, once I worked out that one ounce of Baker's baking cocoa (very bitter, no sugar)(28.3 grams) contains about 1,000 milligrams (1 gram, about 3.5%) of phenylethanolamine. (My approach is a recommendation of a friend, not a medical doctor, but this suggestion that worked fro me is only to engage in an enjoyable chocolate binge perhaps, not a prescription for happiness.) The idea, though, is to help prime the internal happy pump until it can take over for itself. No withdrawal symptoms. But I do have a large button picturing a sad-looking elephant, with the words, "If wearer is found depressed, administer chocolate." Nice, hunh?
(4) You have no charter to get love, only to give it. Find a pet, or better yet another person who really could use your care and comforting, and give yourself permission to leave your tasks once in a while to help them--especially if you are feeling down. That will please you, and the Lord, and make it seem that living through that day was a plus!
This is enough for a while, Julie. There are some other really good strategies here also--give them a chance, too. But there are a couple that are not so good. Think over carefully not to embrace things that eventually will displease you and the Lord, eh?
Please, please look over Psalm 128, esp. verses 1 and 2, and count them as an absolute promise. Ciao!
OK - just in case you don’tknow it yet - I don’t really want to get into Pax but here is his story in a NUTSHELL:
- - -
For 10 years, I was hooked on heroin, cocaine, and alcohol. My drive to do drugs was so powerful because I wanted to numb the pain of my underlying problems, which were low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. I was using drugs for the same reason most people are using—I was trying to run away from my problems and avoid feeling the pain they brought me.
During my years of using in the late 1990s, I did things that I never thought I would. I lied, thieved, cheated my friends and loved ones, pawned my possessions, conned credit card companies, and passed bad checks. Soon I had nothing left, but I was still willing to sacrifice whatever I could for drugs. I began stealing heroin from dealers, and eventually I was caught, beaten, and hospitalized. You would think that nearly being killed would stop me from using, but I didn’t. I continued year after year until I had no friends, I had alienated my family, and my health was in danger. I remember a time near the end of my 10-year run when I was standing in the street, trying to sell my shoes for $10 so I could buy more heroin.
- - -
When you see that dealer, when you even THINK of Heroin, I want you to think of what it’s like to be sicker than you’ve ever felt, then have a dealer you don’t even remember crossing CURB STOMP you.
If you don’t know what a curb stomp is, look it up.
THINK OF A CURB STOMP WHEN YOU THINK OF HEROIN
and when you see that Dealer, when you’re in that place by accident, when you so much as want to snort it or smoke it, RUN RUN RUN... Around the block, down the street, out into the cold, whatever. Just run away.
Julie-
Please consider Teen Challenge. (It’s for adults.) There is one near you.
http://www.teenchallenge.ca/contact-us/centre-locations/gta
I’m so very sorry about your nephew. That’s enough to make anyone horribly sad. And losing your job has got to be upsetting as well. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Honestly, when life hands you a whole basket of sour lemons, I think it’s natural to think about checking out, especially if you are prone to depression because of genetics, family history, hormones being out of whack, or whatever. BUT there is an enormous difference between passing thoughts, and really dwelling on it and thinking about it seriously. Please try not to dwell on it and give those thoughts credence. It’s just your sadness talking ... but sadness is not forever. I was a mess for several months when my mother died unexpectedly, and thought about harming myself, but I managed to soldier on past that ... and now, years later, my life is very good. Please lean on the Lord early and often for strength, but do remember that other people can help you as well, if you open up to them. I’m glad you have a doctor’s appt. One poster on this thread said something I’m in total agreement with, which is that while it’s possible that Rx drugs might be helpful to you right now, PLEASE only accept a prescription from an actual psychiatrist. I have noticed over the last couple of decades that family docs are cheerfully willing to hand out psychotropic drugs at the drop of a hat, and most of them don’t really have a good understanding of what all the drugs do or how they interact. A trained, good psychiatrist might be able to help you with the *appropriate* medication. But just throwing any old drugs at the wall and seeing if they stick is not a good method for helping with depression! :o)
I hope you get some good help and feel better soon. Please let us know how things go for you!
Julie-
There is a Celebrate Recovery near you. Swing in. Talk to them. Every Friday night!
http://www.ofcfamily.com/?page_id=68
First...avoid Byward Market....
Is the Embassy still across from Parliament Hill? If so....go walk around Par. Hill before going to Embassy. Being around people...and the activity ...will help ease your mind. Also...Laurier Place Mall is nearby...if you are OK w people indoors
That will help for your Embassy visit...
And...think of all the positives seeing your family. That will help. Especially if there is a youngster that looks up to you
Of course...the other advice provided by fellow FReepers is excellent...and well worth heeding
I dropped paxil after ten years - lost 60#, started hiking, dropped facebook and spending more time in my hobbies - and less on the computer
For me it was hunting and my atv - anything that increases your exposure to fresh air and sunlight.
Hope is here, and on dark days, know there are people that love you and want you here with them.
You have me so concerned, I spelled something wrong.
There’s so much good advice on this thread, you probably don’t need more. They have covered it all.
I’ll just tell you what I did when I had morning anxiety: I said Psalms 23 several times until it went away. Every morning. And then the morning anxiety went away forever.
I’ll be praying for you as you go through your obligations tomorrow.
In many non-medical cases, depression is the result of finding oneself at a point in life analogous to a dead-end road. The person realizes at some level that they aren't where they want to be but see no easy way to get to where they want to be. The person may have reached this dead end point several times previously. Whereas in the past they always retraced their steps and found a new path through the maze of life, this time they just gave up as depression took over.
There is likely no miraculous fix. Instead, steady work over time is what is required to straighten out a person's life... a life that may resemble a tangled ball of string.
Start out by visiting a reputable health food store and asking for an age and sex appropriate multivitamin to help fill in any nutritional gaps you may be missing in your diet.
Without doing anything else differently, try the multivitamin for one week per directions and see if you notice any difference. Hopefully you will find that with the multivitamin you will have a little more energy and perhaps a little less in the way of food cravings. If you notice any improvement, you will know that some portion of your problem stemmed from a nutritional deficiency. Keep taking the multivitamins faithfully as they represent one of the first successful steps of many that you will take in conquering your depression.
I understand Julie. Sometimes it’s hard to feel optimistic. I have felt this way for some time. Just... disconnected and ‘why bother.’
Appreciation. Every morning and every night. It sounds simplistic, I know. But it was all that could bring me out of depression and I was seeing a therapist. Medication did not work for me. I had to spend 15 minutes morning and night writing down or praying about all I could find to be thankful for, and had to force myself to do it. Then I learned to do it through the day for the smallest of things that happened or that I received. It took a couple of months to really notice a difference.
You say that you are depressed. Just wondering if there is a particular reason that you are depressed. Did some event happen in your life (death in the family, etc...) making you depressed? Is this something that happens a lot or just lately (feelings of depression)?
Take the miracle you have been given (the quick access to a doctor) and discuss medical options. A lot of depression is truly a chemical imbalance in the brain. Discuss with your dr you other physical symptoms as well. Correcting brain chemistry is no different than correcting the pancreas lack of insulin production via diabetic meds.
Keep strong in your faith—get your paperwork done quickly and avoid that temptation—and know that aid is around the corner next week w/you doctor.
Be strong—sending prayer & good thoughts your way!
Get in touch with family and health services immediately. Reach out to people you trust and share this immediately. Lord, I just hope you are ok and feeling better soon!
I have struggled with depression in the past. Had a really tough time with anxiety, phobia .
My number one suggestion is to find someone or maybe a number of someones who could use your help.
It may seem to you that “what's the difference” may apply to your life. But YOU, are the difference to others. Plenty of very worthy causes. Maybe you could help teach kids in Sunday school. Perhaps the local hospital needs people to rock preemie's in the neonatal nursery. Maybe the local soup kitchen would benefit from your ability to turn donated food in to meals. Every city has a bunch of walks, runs, swims and so on to raise funds for cancer or heart disease.
Appreciate God has given you valuable skills to benefit others.
When I struggled to pray up the nerve just to leave the house and drive to work my main scriptures were.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
Also 2 Tim 1,7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
I'm praying for you.
Hi Julie-
How are you doing today? Listen, everyone suffers from depression. Esp people of faith, because this world does not look like the world we know with Jesus. Dying sounds good some times, so we can be with our love and Lord. But that is not the plan, Julie.
I have struggled with finding death, myself. I totally understand. But if I killed myself, what does that say about my faith, to get me thru this fire?
THAT is why we are to give each other fellowship, while we run our race of faith. This world is a hard place, and every day we are given the chance to choose one of two paths laid before us.
One is a blessing, and one is a curse.
Duet- 30:19
19 This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live
We have to LEARN how to find the blessings, and we get tackled and bruised while trying to figure that out. We make mistakes and get down.. and feel like giving up.
But don’t give up- because your joy will be greater each time you overcome your obstacle. Think of it like the Olympics. :)
Listen- our faith is ALWAYS being tested and refined and made more pure. We are being made holy, with all of these tests. SO each time you choose the right path, you are winning YOUR race. You are overcoming the world.
Drugs are death. OK? Don’t go that way.
Choose life and be blessed.
Tell Satan to GET behind you- by picking UP your Bible and getting on your knees. Jesus will not forsake you. He is FOR you. He intercedes for you. Pray and ask for the Holy Spirit to fill you with understanding. Ask for your identity IN Christ Jesus, by scripture and verse- and see the tools you have to overcome drugs.
You can do it. Many of us have overcome drugs, alcohol, strife, greed, lust, envy.. and you can do it too...so that you are an encouragement to YOUR brothers and sisters in faith.
We are praying for your success and joy.
God bless you.
Yes, move to a latitude closer to the equator, warmer and longer daylight hours, especially during the winter months.
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