Stephen uses the Obama Scandal Booth to choose which White House Scandal to cover.
Top 10
Thanks to those who served.
TOP TEN!!
bookmark
top ten I hope
WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF!!!
Posting for an elderly guy who is a good friend:
Taco Hell
$5.37!
That’s what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.
Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some more change.
Then the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said, “It’s OK. I’ll just give you the senior citizen discount.”
I turned to see who he was talking to and then saw him handing back change to me.
“Only $4.68” he said cheerfully.
I stood there stupefied. I am a mere 59, nowhere near 65 yet?
A mere child!
Senior citizen? Bullshit!
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo.
Was he blind?
As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil.
Old? Me?
I’ll show him, I thought.
I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!
What am I now? A toddler?
“Dude! Couldn’t get too far without your car keys, eh?”
I stared with utter disdain at the keys.
I began to rationalize in my mind!
“Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!”
I turned and headed back to the truck.
I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn’t turn. What now?
I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.
That’s when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. Nor a car seat in the back seat.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
Moments later (after finding my own truck) I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito,
Only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time.
There Elmo stood, draped in youth, tattoos, and black nail polish.
All I could think was, “What is the world coming to?”
All I could say was, “Did I leave my food and drink in here”?
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.
Elmo had no clue.
I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag.
His mother explained, “I think you left this in my truck by mistake.”
I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words: “It’s OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time.”
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone. Yessss, I was racing some orange-haired punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I’m not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her my bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket.
I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.
The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.
Pass this on to the other “old fogies” on your list (so they can have fun laughing, too).
P.S. Save the earth...... It’s the only planet with chocolate!!!!!
Say. . . did I post this already?
< Woohoo!! I made it! >
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I’m wondering if someone should start a Friday News Dump Prediction thread.
I predict something to do with Holder. Like a resignation.
The Fence Test
You can’t get any more accurate than this!
This is straight forward country thinking.
by Jeff Foxworthy
Which side of the political fence are you on?
If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!
If a Republican doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a Democrat doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
If a Democrat is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a Republican doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
A Democrat demands that those they don’t like be shut down.
If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
If a Democrat decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a Republican reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it because they’re “offended”.
Yummm...salad....
okay, okay, I got up late..... and read the thread before posting....
TGIF!!!
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO
paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where his
skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He
went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes,
attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the
practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks
and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had
obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor,
saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding
result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?”
The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart
perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine
back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”
After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because
you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my
entire career”.
