Replies

A beautiful fairy appeared one day before a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office. “Good man,” the fairy said, “Since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children, I’ve been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes.”

The man told the fairy, “Well, where I come from we don’t have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe with a lot of gold in them.”

The fairy looked at the man’s almost toothless grin and PING! he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

“What else?” asked the fairy, “Two more to go.”

The refugee claimant now got bolder. “I need a big house with a three-car garage on the water in Annapolis with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here.” PING! in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three-car garage, a long driveway and a spectacular patio with a barbecue in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.

One more wish,” said the fairy, waving her wand.

“Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero. And I want to have white skin like Americans.” And PING! the man was transformed, wearing worn-out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

“What happened to my new teeth?” he wailed. “Where’s my new house?”

The fairy said, “Tough sh!+, amigo, now that you’re a white American, you have to fend for yourself.”

I KNOW MANY OF YOU (LIKE ME) ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO FOOTBALL SEASON. WELL, HERE’S A LITTLE RECAP OF LAST YEAR.........

Coincidence??

Just wondering!

Alabama beat Arkansas

and they fired the coach.

Alabama beat Tennessee

and they fired the coach.

Alabama beat Auburn

and they fired the coach.

Then Alabama beat Notre Dame and the Pope resigns...

Damn, I wish the White House had a team.

“Money & Corruption / I Am Your Man”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RLn2gMxqhA

We are sick and tired
Of being promised this and that.
We work all day, we sweat and slave
To keep the wealthy fat.
They fill our heads with promises
And bamboozle us with facts,
Then they put on false sincerity
Then they laugh behind our backs.

[Chorus:]
Money and Corruption
Are ruining the land
Crooked politicians
Betray the working man,
Pocketing the profits
And treating us like sheep,
And we’re tired of hearing promises
That we know they’ll never keep.

[Chorus]

Promises, promises, all we get are promises.
Show us a man who’ll understand us, guide us and lead us.

We are sick and tired
Of having to ask them cap in hand
We crawl on the floor
We beg for more,
But still we are ignored.
We’re tired of being herded
Like a mindless flock of sheep
And we’re tired of hearing promises
That we know they’ll never keep.

[Chorus]

We’ve got to stand together
Every woman, every man,
Because money and corruption are ruining the land.
Show us a man who’ll be our Saviour and will lead us.
Show us a man who’ll understand us, guide us and lead us.
Show us a man.
Workers of the nation unite.
Workers of the nation unite.

I visualise a day when people will be free
And we’ll be living in a new society.
No class distinction, no slums or poverty
I have a vision of a new society.
And every home will have a stereo and TV,
A deep freeze, quadrasonic and a washing machine.
So workers of the nation unite.

I am your man
I’ll work out a five-year plan
So vote for me brothers
And I will save this land
And we will nationalise the wealthy companies
And all the directors will be answerable to me,
There’ll be no shirking of responsibilities
So people of the nation unite.

Union Man I’ll work with you hand in hand
For we’re all brothers to our Union Man.
I am your man,
Oh God how I love this land,
So join together save the Fatherland.

I visualize a day when people will be free
And we’ll be living in a new society.
No class distinction, no slums or poverty,
So workers of the nation unite,
Workers of the nation unite,
People of the nation unite.

The following questions were asked in last year’s GED examination.
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds’)............and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist upon?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)

Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. (At least they get to travel!)

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (So true!)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant.)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen.)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (WTF!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie. (This person has a career in politics awaiting!)

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work.)

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Cesarean section’.
A. The Cesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit!)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable!)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like tiny umbrellas.

Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (Brilliant)

Q.. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head