Posted on 03/15/2013 10:16:41 AM PDT by Cajun Jihad
Edited on 03/15/2013 10:18:18 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
This one should be for OFST, but you all can enjoy it on Wednesday.
A man walks into a bar and hears some beautiful piano music. He looks at the piano and sees no one there. He walks over for a closer look and there's a man, about a foot tall, standing on the bench and playing beautiful piano music.
The man walks over to the bartender, hooks his thumb, and says, "What's with the tiny piano player?"
Without a word, the bartender pulls an object from beneath the bar that appears to be an ancient lamp. The bartender hands the man a rag and nods his head. So the man takes the rag and rubs the lamp,
Out pops a genie (or is that a djinn?) who intones, "For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you one wish. What is your wish, Oh Master?"
The man, not sure if this is real, says, "I'd like a million bucks".
"DONE!" says the genie, and he vanishes.
The man looks around. Seeing nothing on the bar he says, "I wonder where my million bucks is?" He's just reaching for his wallet to look in there when suddenly the bar is filled with panicky, flapping, quacking ducks that are creating total havoc. The man helps the bartender usher the ducks out of the bar, which takes quite a bit of time and energy, waving their arms and shouting like madmen.
Finally the last duck has quit the bar and the man says to the bartender, "I'm really sorry. I have no idea what happened. I didn't wish for a million ducks."
The bartender, finally speaking, asks, "Do you think I asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"
Duh?
"It's simple," she said to me. "I got bored eating stupid flies so I put a little fun in my man web. The strand you're on right now isn't sticky. There is a non-sticky path that will take you back to a branch. If you make it to a branch before I get to you, I'll let you go.
"But don't step on a sticky piece of web, and you have 2 minutes to figure out how to tell the difference."
Yes, Duh.
He has this permanently vacant expression on his fuzzy little face.
If it can get him into trouble, he is drawn to it like a moth to flame.
There will be a crash noise, something hits the floor, and one panicked and horribly confused cat will be nearby going, “What do you mean I can’t walk across plants as if they’re all made of steel?”
So for freedom he gave up the 12” pianist?
Let it marinate for a bit. It will come to you.
This is going too far for comfort .. like a bridge too far. To save face am going to go dunk myself under the water.
That sounds like something the spiderbot Eva would say and do during the SLAVER incident.
It’s 48 and cloudy here, but the Carolina Jasmine outside the kitchen has its first blooms. I hope it doesn’t finish before it gets warm enough to open the windows, because it smells wonderful!
Thankfully we both have an out!
Tristan Cat belongs to my missus.
So THAT'S the secret I should have been using. Who knew that keeping my face wet would have kept it from spoiling?
Is that the "one weird trick" I keep seeing ads for on the Internets?
Apparently, being related to certain Elder Creatures has netted me the “coveted” statements of, ‘Hey, you really aren’t 37, are you?’ all too often.
Told you ... that face cream does wonders.
I was in Oklahoma in ‘96, and I didn’t see it!
Lots of things at Fort Sill that didn’t get seen.
I was in teh old post quarry across from our barracks with a bunch of teh guys.
Well, we were wandering down the path and looking atthe exposed rock.
Right up to the moment I nearly walked into the big yellow and black spider.
Until the laws are changed so that judges are elected, maybe you should up the carnivorous rug count.
Was it eating a bat at the time?
Would make for some exciting case law and court proceedings.”Keep that thing away from me!”
*Suick erquirk!* -the rug hisses and lunges slightly.
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