~THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD~

[Lucky9teen]

And then I read this....

On January 1, 400 new federal laws took effect. Meanwhile, state legislatures passed 29,000 bills and resolutions, many of which came into force on the first of the year. Local government added thousands of new laws.

Ignorance is no excuse, so start cramming on all the weird new regulations you have to follow as of Tuesday:

1. In California, it's now unlawful to let a dog pursue a bear or bobcat at any time. Previously, exceptions had been made for hunting. Bad news for dogs, good news for bears and bobcats.

2. The new laws aren't just about banning things! Florida law revised the term "motor vehicle" to exclude swamp buggies, deregulating the primary mode of transportation in that state.

3. In an assault on the civil rights of crazy cat ladies, residents of Wellington, Kansas are now limited to no more than four cats per household. The hope is that restricting ownership will lower the town's burgeoning cat population.

4. Fun news: Illinoisans under 21 can drink alcohol now! Less fun: They have to be enrolled in a culinary program to do so.

5. Film producers in California must have permission from a pediatrician before filming a child under the age of one month. Suddenly, Real Infants of Newport Beach looks less likely to be green-lit.

6. In the category of "how the hell wasn't this illegal already," California prison workers will no longer be allowed to have sex with inmates.

7. Sex offenders in Illinois are banned from distributing candy on Halloween or playing Santa or the Easter Bunny.

8. No more "popping wheelies" on motorcycles in Illinois, but they can run a red light if the coast is clear.

9. Don't steal grease in North Carolina. Those who steal more than $1,000 worth of grease can be found guilty of a felony. It's the kind of overcompensation that happens when your state doesn't have mineral or gas deposits.

If all this sounds like things you did on New Year's Eve, I hope you had fun. No more such hijinks in 2013.

[ArGee]

How many rockers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to hold the bulb, 4 to drink until the room is spinning.

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

A lead guitarist has having a lot of trouble finding work as a guitar player, so he answered an ad from a band looking for a bassist. After he’s met with the band, they tell him: “You know, we really like you, but we also know that as a lead guitarist you won’t be happy playing bass. So, here’s the deal. We’ll give you the gig, but only if you have half your brain removed.”

The guitarist thought this was a bit extreme, but it was a really good gig so he agreed.

After he came out of the anesthesia, the doctor says to him, “Well, I have good news and bad news.”

“Okay, give me the good news first,” the now-former guitarist says.

“Well,” says the doc, “your surgery went very well. You should be fully recovered in a week to a week and a half.”

“And the bad news?”

“We found a tumor while we were operating, so we had to remove two thirds of your brain,” the doc says.

“Okay, whatever,” replies the guy. “Got any sticks?”

[Lucky9teen]

It’s clarinet you don’t understand what you are Saenghwang.

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

Why do bagpipers walk while they play?
It’s harder to hit a moving target.

[ArGee]

Q: How many people with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Oh, look, paper clips!!!

[ArGee]

I think you are using clarinet as a vague euphonium for a piece of the male anatomy.

[ArGee]

A lead singer, a bass player, and a keyboard player walk into a pub. The bartender says, “What can I get you, Sir Paul?”

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

I think that “group” also included a guitarist, a drummer, and a composer. :)

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[Lucky9teen]

Wouldn’t that be bagpipes?

[BenLurkin]

[absolootezer0]

I like to goto Walmart and stand in line behind couples with babies and fart..
Then watch them check their babies diaper.

[ArGee]

NYC has allowed in at least K-Mart, Target, and Home Depot. They it refuses to allow a Wal-Mart. I used to wonder why.

Now I think I know.

NYC's famed entertainment venues couldn't stand the competition.

[fredhead]

“how the rest of the country is being Californicated...”

Thanks a lot. Now I’ll have the song spinning around in my head the rest of the day.....

Dream of Californication.......Dream of Californation......

[fredhead]

stoopid fingers cant spel, ether.....

[llevrok]

Mrs Pelosi's staff releases accurate but Photoshopped photo of her

[kosciusko51]

AHHHH!!!!