(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

It's that time of year again....

Here are some ideas (or not) for the kids....

This "Girls Only" toy is sure to inspire your daughter to reach for the sky...while dusting the high shelves.


So much for post-racial America.


Encourage your child's imagination to run wild as their Playmobil figures wait in line...
walk through the metal detector...are forced to throw out their shampoo. (PS -- It's almost 60 bucks)

Please don't give your child this toy. Please.


Gasoline-Powered Audi Two Seater Car For Kids - Get your little yuppie on his way with this gas-powered accident-waiting-to-happen.
For just under $14,000 you can watch your kid tear ass around the cul-de-sac at a maximum 13 MPH,
but keep it off the road because it's about as street legal as a lawn mower.


Reaction Extreme - The idea of this game is to not be the slowest person to buzz in or you get shocked.
Or, try the "Extreme" version where only the fastest player is safe and everyone else gets shocked. The point is: Electrocution = Fun.


I'm confused. I thought Spiderman was already an "Adventure Hero" and now he's dressing up in various outfits like a Barbie would?
He also apparently loves soccer and short shorts. (From i-mockery.com


A girl wears a special halter top with flowers instead of nipples that cause the baby to make sucking sounds and move its mouth.
The tagline for the toy reads, "Because you shouldn't have to wait until you have breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby."


The premise of "Video Girl Barbie" is simple: take a toy targeted for young girls and install (between the doll's breasts) a video camera capable of recording about 30 minutes of video. What better way to foster you daughter's interest in filmmaking than with a doll that looks like the Terminator?
(Check out the product's official site to see the cyborg up close.)

But before your kid gets excited about filming in breast-view, heed this warning from the FBI: In the wrong hands- specifically pedophile hands-
Video Barbie can be a "possible child pornography production method." For a full review of the product, check out TechCrunch.


A cross-over from "Fast Food Fails:" You have to give them credit for trying to secure their workforce as early as possible.


This is hands down the creepiest toy ever. Just watch.


Super Soakers' more extreme line of squirt guns were always intended for older children, and the "Oozinator" is no exception. Luckily, these boys appear just the right age to discover this addictive toy for the first time start using it a couple times a day (at least). Check out the full commercial here.


Dr. Drill n' Fill: The revolutionary new toy that promotes children's healthy and active lifestyle
by teaching them to associate fun with gouging out cavities. (Watch the commercial here)


Elmo has a little computer in his brain so he can learn your child's name and other phrases.
However, don't change the batteries or Elmo starts threatening to kill you. (Watch video here.)


This microphone is named after a rapper who’s known for using auto-tuning so he can sound relatively in pitch when he “sings”.
Now, in this no-child-is-allowed-to-be-mediocre era, your kid can get the illusion that he can sing,
even if he sounds like a cat held over a bathtub when he belts out the national anthem.


Under the loose category of chemistry, this perfume kit enables your children to mix potions and create a signature scent. There are aromatherapy options that purportedly help your child sleep or energize her even more. Essentially, it’s science for Snooki.
Perfumery retails for $19.99, and if your children don’t produce enough noxious smells on their own, it’s a viable option.


no comment


Pregnant Barbie - Where do babies come from? Good luck with that one.


Every parent wants their daughter to be covered in tattoos, right?

[Currentriverrat]

WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO TGIF!!!!

[baddog 219]

[ArGee]

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[EQAndyBuzz]

In before the real fun begins. Happy Friday Y’all.

[BenLurkin]

Eddie Murphy talking about James Brown: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewvQWuRUhM0

Warning: LANGUAGE

[BenLurkin]

[BenLurkin]

[JRios1968]

[ArGee]

[BenLurkin]

Guess what...that is NOT coffee at counsel table. It’s nasty water..and you’re better off bringing your own bottle in a your trial case.

[JRios1968]

[r-q-tek86]

• 40 THINGS YOU’D LIKE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

1. “I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t.”

2. “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.”

3. “How about never? Is never good for you?”

4. “I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.”

5. “I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.”

6. “I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.”

7. “I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.”

8. “I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.”

9. “It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a damn word you’re saying.”

10. “Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.”

11. “I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.”

12. “You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.”

13. “I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.”

14. “I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.”

15. “I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.”

16. “Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.”

17. “The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.”

18. “Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.”

19. “What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?”

20. “I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.”

21. “It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.”

22. “Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.”

23. “And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?”

24. “Do I look like a people person?”

25. “This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.”

26. “I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.”

27. “Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.”

28. “If I throw a stick, will you leave?”

29. “Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.”

30. “Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.”

31. “I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.”

32. “A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.”

33. “Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?”

34. “Too many freaks, not enough circuses.”

35. “Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?”

36. “Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.”

37. “How do I set a laser printer to stun?”

38. “I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.”

39. “Who lit the fuse on your tampon?”

40. “Oh I get it... like humor... but different!”

[ArGee]

You’re not supposed to say those out loud? %-P

[r-q-tek86]

More toys

[skinkinthegrass]

37. “How do I set a laser printer to stun?”printer or pointer? LOL!
thanks, for the ping /laughs.

[ArGee]

When he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner.

They had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang.

“Is this the vet?” asked an elderly lady’s voice.

“Yes, it is”, replied the vet, “Is this an emergency?”

“Well, sort of”, said the elderly lady, “there’s a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can’t get to sleep. What can I do about it?”

There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied, “Open the window and tell them they’re wanted on the phone”

“Really?” said the elderly lady, “Will that stop them?”

“it should,” said the vet, it Stopped Me!”

[ArGee]

December 13st To: All Employees:

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

December 14th To: All Employees:

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

December 15th To: All Employees:

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I’m happy to accommodate this request, but, don’t forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, “AA Only,” you won’t be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange — no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis, Human Researchers Director

December 16th To: All Employees:

I’ve arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men’s table. Happy now? Patty Lewis, Human Racehorses Director

December 17th To: All Employees:

People, people — nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of “Santa” does happen to be “Satan,” there is no evil connotation to our own “little man in a red suit.”

Patty Lewis, Human Rat Races

December 18th To: All Employees:

Vegetarians — I’ve had it with you people!! We’re going to hold this party at Luigi’s Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the “grill of death,” as you put it, and you’ll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?

The Bitch from Hell

December 19th To: All Employees:

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Terri Bishop Acting Human Resources Director

[ArGee]

What Your Profession Says About You

• Marketing - you are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with sales.
• Sales - laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." you seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
• Technology - unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even you don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that geeks shall inherit the earth.
• Engineering - one of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety percent of all personal ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergo dynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."
• Accounting - the only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.
• Human Resources - ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch and then mail a letter.
• Management/Middle Management - catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "middle managers" as everyone in your social circle is a "middle manager."
• Senior Management - (see above - same sign, different title)
• Customer service - bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "customer service." continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.
• Consultant - lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.
• Recruiter, "headhunter" - as a "person" that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.
• Partner, president, ceo - you are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.
• Government worker - paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job... thus the term "go postal."