Tell a Story Day
Woohoo!!! It’s Friday!!!
Whoopie - Happy Friday everyone!
IBTP!!!!
This year, in November, Democrats get to vote on Wednesday. Republicans on Tuesday. This is a new federal law that will prevent Black Panther Voter Intimidation of white republicans.
Pass it on.
Once upon a time in America, voters elected a Muslim for president, ironically 7 years after the most infamous attack on America by Muslims.........
Sorry, I know that is more of a nighmare than a story....
Back to your regularly scheduled silliness...
YES.....TGIF!!!
Paddy The Firefighter
Paddy was walking along the street during his once-in-a-lifetime visit to New York when he rounds a corner and there’s a high rise building on fire.
Paddy, ever the kind-hearted and resourceful Irishman, runs up to the building to see if he can help and notices people trapped five stories up.
Paddy yells to the people, “I’m Paddy Michael Fitzpatrick, an Irish Fire Fighter on holiday.
I’m also a Rugby Union fullback! If you jump, I’ll catch you!”
One lady, in desperation, jumps and sure enough Paddy catches her.
Then a man sees that Paddy catches the woman and jumps.
Sure enough, Paddy catches him as well.
Then Obama jumps out and crashes to the sidewalk. Paddy didn’t even attempt to catch him.
Paddy looks up and yells, “Don’t be throwin’down the burnt ones...!!!!”
Warning!!
If you laugh at this Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Rev. Wright will be coming to kick yo ass!
American Railroads . . . the rest of the story:
The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England , and English expatriates designed the U.S. Railroads.
Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.
Why did ‘they’ use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular Odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So, who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.
Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. In other words, bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification, procedure, or process, and wonder, ‘What horse’s ass came up with this?’, you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses.
Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, you will notice that there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.
The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit larger, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse’s behind.
And you thought being a horse’s behind wasn’t important!
Now you know, Horses’ Behinds control almost everything... including all the politicians in Congress.
Explains a whole lot of stuff, doesn’t it?
A Mexican maid decides one day she needs a pay raise and asks the lady of the house for one.
“Why should I give you a raise?” the lady of the house asks. “Give me a good reason why.”
The maid replies, “I can give you three reasons, Senora. First of all, I iron better than you do.”
“What makes you think you iron better than I do?” asks the lady.
“Your husband says so,” replies the maid.
“Okay, what’s your second reason?”
“I am a better cook than you.”
“That’s preposterous! What makes you say that?”
“That’s what your husband tells me.”
“All right. What’s your third reason?”
“I’m a better lover than you.”
The lady pauses for several minutes, then she finally says, “I suppose my husband told you that too, didn’t he?”
“Oh, no, Senora! The gardener did.”
