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To: Lucky9teen; All
WOMEN


  A real woman is a man's best friend.

  She will never stand him up and never let him down.

  She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him

  after a bad day.

  She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to

  live without fear and forget regret.

  She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to

  his most intimate desires.

  She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most

  handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident,

  sexy, seductive and invincible...


  No wait...Sorry.


  I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that s**t.


  Never mind.
12 posted on 04/27/2012 6:03:56 AM PDT by tomkow6 (...................TOMKOW6 ! The ONLY voice of reason & sanity in a chaotic Canteen!...............)
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To: tomkow6; waterhill; ixtl

LOL!


13 posted on 04/27/2012 6:06:19 AM PDT by Envisioning (Call me a racist........, one more time..........)
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To: tomkow6
Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing..' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.

But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's Diary:

A five putt ...how in hell can someone FIVE PUTT?

25 posted on 04/27/2012 6:46:53 AM PDT by Baynative (Please check this out - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFIcZkEzc8I)
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To: tomkow6

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.


33 posted on 04/27/2012 7:44:10 AM PDT by IM2MAD
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To: tomkow6
I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that s**t.

Oh, man...can you get that on a Hallmark card before my next wedding anniversary?

65 posted on 04/27/2012 2:09:29 PM PDT by who knows what evil? (G-d saved more animals than people on the ark...www.siameserescue.org.)
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To: Drumbo; tomkow6

LOL! Gotta share that one!


71 posted on 04/28/2012 8:24:58 AM PDT by Titan Magroyne (What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.)
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