Image: Dilbert.com
Posted on 12/29/2011 9:32:50 AM PST by Pharmboy
Image: Dilbert.com
We are nearly at the end of 2011 and another year of mayhem behind. We will be judging our 2011 Non-Predictions and trying to dream up some new ones for 2012 in the next fortnight or so but this week we have been able to get some long needed admin done.
With it came a realisation that even if the financial industry is suffering, the creative management community has been in full swing dreaming up new terms and phrases to camouflage the blindingly obvious.
The evolution of ‘management speak’ means some phrases die and some survive and flourish. TMM really doesn't know what determines the success of one term or phrase over another other than, as with the arts, adoption and patronage by the most respected in the field. TMM hope that this year’s rash of newcomers all die off naturally but we would like to help with a shove into their deserved obscurity.
(Excerpt) Read more at businessinsider.com ...
Time to reach outside of the box.
Time to reach around the box and see what issues forth...
That one's big where I am, too. Instead of saying "That's the stupidest idea I ever heard," you have to say, "I think there are a lot of...uh..."opportunities" with that suggestion."
Been there, done that. A good response is to cultivate a conspiracy of like-minded folks, sort of like an undeclared union. Then you may game the system and make the retarded pseudo-aphorists scream, fold up, and fade away. It's fun and will help get actual work done in areas which will at least be beneficial to your career, and perhaps also to the business. It's even better when you have stock options/stock, because you may then justify it as sort of a shareholder action in the cause of good corporate governance.
And of course:
“Circle back”
when I hear that I like to say:
"Are you asking us to move forward with unconditional iteration?"
Which usually separates the actual engineers from the idiots.
‘What is your f(*&^g opportunity?!’
and
‘There’s a opportunity in the ladies’ toilet’
..things I’d love to say....
Oh, I just dove right in and embraced change, lol. I was pretty much straight out of college with my first “real” job and didn’t know any better. The cynicism set in later.
I still have several clear plastic triangle “awards,” paper weights really, Emblazoned with my name, my commitment to Total Quality and the corporate logo, with tagline “Total Quality - The K-R Way.”
Still have a stuffed bear with a tee shirt silkscreened with the same, too. His name is an acronym. MR CHICO. Mutual Respect, Communication, Honesty, Involvement, Caring, Openness.
Jeez, why do I remember that crap, I feel like some sort of Manchurian Candidate. My programming is going to kick in one of these days, lol.
Oooh, the meeting planning planning meeting. Donuts!
Congratulations, GW!
This whole conversation reminds me of a George Carlin bit he used to open one of his HBO specials:
“Now I’d like to begin tonight with an opening announcement: Because of the FCC, I’m never sure what it is I’m allowed to say. So..so, I now have my own official policy. This is the language you will not be hearing tonight.
“You will not hear me say: bottom line, game plan, role model, scenario, or hopefully. I will not kick back, mellow out, or be on a roll. I will not go for it and I will not check it out; I don’t even know what it is. And when I leave here I definitely will not boogie.
“I promise not to refer to anyone as a class act, a beautiful person or a happy camper. I will also not be saying ‘what a guy.’ And you will not hear me refer to anyone’s lifestyle. If you want to know what a moronic word ‘lifestyle’ is, all you have to do is realize that in a technical sense, Atilla the Hun had an active outdoor lifestyle.
“I will also not be saying any cute things like ‘moi.’ And I will not use the French adverb ‘tres’ to modify any English adjectives. Such as ‘tres awesome,’ ‘tres gnarly,’ ‘tres faboo,’ ‘tres intense,’ or ‘tres outtasight.’
“I will not say concept when I mean idea. I will not say impacted when I mean affected. There will be no hands-on state-of-the-art networking. We will not maximize, prioritize, or finalize...and we definitely will not interface.
“There will also...there will also be no new-age lingo spoken here tonight. No support-group jargon from the human potential movement. For instance, I will not share anything with you. I will not relate to you and you will not identify with me. I will give you no input, and I will expect no feedback. This will not be a learning experience, nor will it be a growth period. There’ll be no sharing, no caring, no birthing, no bonding, no parenting, no nurturing. We will not establish a relationship, we will not have any meaningful dialogue and we definitely will not spend any quality time. We will not be supportive of one another, so that we can get in touch with our feelings in order to feel good about ourselves. And if you’re one of those people who needs a little space...please...go the f**k outside.”
Great post, thanks!
“BUCKET LIST” drives me nuts.....
Apparently they are only responsible for injecting irritating, misused and worthless phrases in to the corporate lexicon. Kinda like “Project Manager”.
See tag line.
And how about the latest one that the lib commentators use: instead of saying that the "situation looks bad," it's now "the optics of this are not good." Yecchhhh
First time I heard “it is what it is”, I was in a combat outpost in Iraq. It was something to say when there wasn’t really anything to say, just frustrated resignation, such as when you got a radio call telling you that your replacements’ patrol got IED’d and you were out there for another week or two. Used as in “F#$% it, it is what it is”.
Similar to a prior generation’s use of “It don’t mean nuthin’”.
Never have been able to get used to civilians using it though
People wonder how I’ve survived 20 years at this place.
First time I heard “It is what it is” was from a guy that worked for me in the ‘90s who had been in the Air Force for many years.
They probably make it impossible for you to leave since they know they would miss your humor too much (not to mention your sparkling personality).
I agree with you. I dread the day we have to start cleaning up our language...that’s an ISSUE for me.
I prefer to think they’re scared of me, but whatever works. ;)
Ditto to all of the above. And, my least favorite coined by our fearless leader has made it into the boardrooms as well, “A teachable moment....” I want to shriek every time I hear it.
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