Posted on 12/01/2011 11:56:19 AM PST by Slings and Arrows
A New York woman is being scrutinized and praised after people learned that she used a dating website to obtain $1,200 a month in free meals.
According to Business Insider, 23-year-old Jessica Sporty was deep in debt. Sporty had difficulties living on her $45,000 annual salary after spending nearly $1,500 a month in rent, paying her credit card bill, and buying food.
So she hatched up a plan and signed up with the popular online dating site Match.com so she could quickly go on five dates a week. Sporty even maintained a spreadsheet with detailed information on each of her dates, limiting each guy to a maximum of five.
Dates took Sporty to high-end New York restaurants, and one of her dates even bought her a $200 bottle of champagne.
“Before I barely had enough money to pay for food,” said Sporty. “After using Match.com I found I wasn’t going into debt anymore.”
-snip-
As of today, Sporty is no longer on the dating website as she is currently in a relationship and most likely freeloading off her new beau.
“It was exhausting,” she said. “I needed my sleep and I was done playing the game.”
(Excerpt) Read more at youbentmywookie.com ...
Ahyezzz....
Better than “The Grinch!”
The formatting got messed up, but here it is:
Snowball Fight
Deep in the vast, ice-covered darkness of the South Pole dwells a creature as twisted and cold as his icy heart. His flesh eating snowmen wait with icicle fangs dripping in anticipation for the foolhardy human to wander close. A human thigh from KFH… Mmmmm!
Hunger often draws them to fortify themselves with a mixture of desiccated meatloaf and sour eggnog before heading for their snowmotrikes on a Search and Destroy mission for any careless food-thingy to be caught in the open darkness.
As Anti Claus ponders the plight of his starving minions, he tweaks his frozen beard as he decides to arm his Abominitious Slavering Snowmen, or A.S.S.es, and head NORTH to the Tundra! He arms them with the mummified remains of fruitcake which has been re-formed into armor plating and blackjack staves, and yes, even mortar rounds.
Meanwhile, at the North Pole, Kringle has his hands full with preparation for his Long Ride. He’d been hearing rumors of his bottomless evil Doppelganger, Anti Claus, sitting at the bottom of the world. He didn’t really believe them, but still, there was Mrs. Kringle to consider.
Suddenly, Rudolph bounded into the large gingerbread barn and nudged Kringle towards North Pole HQ. It was only then that he understood the noises at the edges of his hearing ~~ the screams, the tinkling of ice shattering, the sloppy slavering and the grunts and groans ~~ it could mean only one thing: The Abominitious Slavering Snowmen and Anti Claus were HERE! NOW!
Suddenly, all became silent and still. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
A shadow loomed in the lantern light. A melodious voice breathed, “Kringle! I’ve come to share the Holiday Spirits with you and Mrs. Kringle. Won’t you join me in my snowmotrike?”
Kringle was mesmerized by the silken voice, even though he kept seeing red alarms flashing a warning at him. He was unable to move as he watched in horror while his elves began to crumble into kibble under the onslaught of the A.S.S.es.
Using Uber-Santa strength, Kringle, realizing he was lying in a quickly-freezing puddle on the icy floor, and that his minutes were numbered, tried to rouse himself. But he was comfy, and the noise had receded as he drowsed… suddenly, he heard stamping and clawing of lots of tiny hooves, and he knew he must get up to fight.
Abruptly, he was jolted into awareness by a red-hot poker in his ribs, accompanied by snorts, grunts and other bodily emissions. Opening his eyes, he saw Rudolph, jabbing his nose into Kringle’s side, trying to get him up and fighting.
Elf crumbs and icicle pieces were scattered across the floor as Kringle grabbed Rudy around the neck and told him to back up and pull Kringle to his feet. Once upright, he clutched madly at Rudy, putting him in a choke hold under his arm like a rifle.
Together, they leapt over the bales of hay in the gingerbread barn, with Kringle bellowing reindeer obscenities at the snowy, shuffling ice heaps that had so decimated his forces.
With a tight-fisted squeeze, Kringle put his finger to the side of Rudy’s nose and a glaring red laser beam lanced through the closest icicle-toothed horror that growled for flesh, even as it melted.
Moaning and growling, gargling and snuffling, the A.S.S.es lurched and slid towards Kringle and his wriggling weapon. “Let go of me, you ham-handed fr-EEEK!!!” Rudy lased down and slagged several more death-fanged grotesqueries as they rounded the corner, elf bits and crumbs being wielded as clubs.
Rudy and Kringle kept up a brutal barrage and finally made their ways to the North Pole HQ building, leaving a wake of corn cob pipes, button noses, elf crumbs and wriggling puddles of fruitloaf and meatnog throbbing their lives out in front of God and everybody.
Kringle used Rudy as a battering ram and burst through the front door. Mrs. Kringle was on the floor clutching her downy comforter tightly to her chest and chuckling nervously, “He’s not here; he left.”
Kringle merely elbowed the door hard and squished Anti Claus behind it, where he dropped his suit and grabbed his nose.
Upon seeing the insanely glowing nose of the much-abused Rudolph, Anti Claus bailed through the window, somehow getting his boots and most of his other accoutrements back on as he fell. Jumping on his flying snowmotrike, he blatted off into the night, trailing his icy hordes behind him in defeat.
Mrs. Kringle waved her handkerchief goodbye and sniffled. “Don’t forget to write,” she whispered.
“What was that?!” Kringle demanded.
“Nothing, Dear. Oh, look! He left part of his suit,” she smiled, fondling the scratchy, matted fake fur.
It was only in later years, as her icy grandchildren were once again gathered ‘round her knees to hear of “The Battle of the A.S.S.es” or “How Anti Claus Lost His Suit,” which seemed to get longer and better in the telling. It was revealed that she had been ransacked that night, and though it was difficult to relate, causing her to growl like a cougar at inappropriate places, she managed to get through it with a smile and a few tears.
And every year on the anniversary, another suit would turn up. That first year, it was Rudolph’s turn to sue - for encroachment upon his dignity. But he won that suit by a nose.
The formatting got messed up, but here it is:
Why we make snowmen:
‘Twas the night before Christmas
And I lay in my bed
Visions of evil danced through my head
Snowmen with teeth filled me with dread
Flying snowmotrike to cart me off -dead.
Enough of the rhymes, I’ll tell it all straight, of the nightmare that night, and my visitor late.
I shivered in bed, with the most singularly disturbing dreams in which a snake charmer voiced Kringle clone visited me with most unpleasant servants in tow.
I shivered, I shrugged, I sighed, I rolled, and couldn’t get the vision to do as it was told.
From outside there was a peculiar sound, a blatting snowmotrike, and horrible gutteral noise.
I clutched my covers, wished it was a dream, then sat bolt upright when my neighbor did scream.
My door it did quiver, then opened with a bash, I fled to the window and wrapped in the sash.
In walked a strange looking creature, scraggly beard, and twirling the collar of a preacher!
(May my neighbor rest in peace..)
He went through my drawers, went through my wardrobe, went through my wallet, and came to the window...
His servants were terrible, they growled and moaned, their teeth clinked and tinkled, and shivered my bones.
I opened my eyes, and saw his smug face, and at me he pointed and pronounced there my fate.
“Eat him, my minions.”
Onward they came, slavering and growling, his voice had paralyzed me, to my family I could give no warning!
I struggled and shook, I let out a squeek, then the first snowman claw brushed against my cheek.
Their teeth were icicles, their eyes black as coal,and with them they stared at my soul.
As my vision filled with this image of dread, I blurted out for my life, and I plead:
“Wait! Spare my life, and I shall tell, of your wonderous flight and your creatures as well. I will spread the word to my neighbors and country, and we shall erect images of your creatures, as token of our previous folly.”
He grinned at me, knowing it to be a plea out of fear, but he considered it and said, “See you.. next year!”
Out my window he somersaulted and landed on his snowmotrike, which instantly blarted, the snowmen disassembled and leaped outside too, but as I sighed, one thing I noted.
For in the morning, as I convinced myself it was a dream, my neighbors house was empty it seemed.
And on my lawn was a singular sight, a snowman holding the preacher’s collar tight...
My home is having some issues with claws.
But at least there are sunbeams ...
Gosh, it’s almost 9:00 already. I could go buy crickets.
Hello, weather has been mild and cold, so snow must be in store for this week.
50s and sunny today, but we’ve got 60s and rain forecast in a few days. The pets will be sad.
Right now, it’s 50 degrees, the sun is shining, there is no breeze, and my front door is open, since the sun is soon to be on that side of the place.
I’ve been to Walmart, but didn’t get any crickets...I don’t think The Stig would care for them as much as he does lettuce.
I bought a package of country pork ribs (no bones) and will make some curried rice to go with them for Christmas dinner. No pies, this time. Or any dessert, unless I decide to make some ginger cookies...
No turkey or ham this year for us. The store in the next town is shutting its doors they didn’t have much on the shelves today.
MrCO didn’t want a turkey so we will have a Christmas Pork Loin! I did buy eggnog first time in many years. gave Fredd a small taste, after all it is Christmas.
Anoreth bought the crickets, and I went to Walmart and bought other stuff, like milk and frozen pizza.
We have a ham, sent by my brother, and a piece of lamb, purchased from Costco. I don’t know what we’ll eat, when. DP is in charge of large dead pieces of meat.
Yarggle cold here too.
Life ROCKS if one does not weaken!
Saying that, I’m off to bed...
Ash agrees about going to bed, and I plan to head that way myself before too long, once we dispose of the byos.
I wish I were not allergic... (sigh!)
That is very unfortunate. For many occasions, there is *nothing* better than a kitten! Of course, then they turn into Shannon, who only pays attention to us when the bowl is empty or she feels like a spew ...
I understand. But it could be worse; I think I'm allergic to stupidity.
How do I get away from that?
“Ribeye “
I’m thinking she opted for the NY Strip
Kitty nawt lyke hyoomons actin ded.
No, it’s very important to the kittehs that the hoomins be alert and moving around to meet the essential feline requirements at all times. Mine like to test us to see if we’ll open the back door on cue, even if they don’t feel like going in or out at the time.
That’s a really large cat in the picture!
That’s a good 18 to 20 pound cat.
Kearen used to paw my forehead if I looked like I was dedz.
She’d trill, huff, and “vrumph” at me if I didn’t move.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.