Posted on 06/17/2011 7:45:25 PM PDT by chasio649
We have moved far past the time when an unmarried woman over 35 was branded an "old maid" or when unmarried men were "swinging bachelors," but after seeing the disaster of the marriage between Huma Abedin and Congressman Anthony Weiner, one does have to wonder if the old adage about men over 40 who have never been married is true. Is it a dating red flag?
There is something to be said for marriage. Being in a marriage, whether it ends or stays together, usually means you have some experience with compromise, the ability to love and be loved, and some familiarity with the concept of sharing. "Never-marrieds" on the other hand? Who knows why they're unmarried?
In asking around, it seems the cutoff age between it being cool and it being a red flag is roughly 35 for men and 40 for women.
Of course, nothing is sure-fire and there are as many extenuating circumstances as there are marriages on Earth. But it's a good rule of thumb, when dating, to recognize that a person who has reached a certain age and never had a relationship last longer than a couple months is probably harboring some issues.
Marriage? Maybe not. Maybe they don't want to get married or just don't play musical chairs all that well. There are reasons they may not have walked down the aisle, though in Weiner's case, it probably WAS a red flag. Still, most men over 40 who have had at least one or two long-term relationships that haven't worked out are still marriage material, but those who haven't even had a girlfriend? It's a problem.
We learn something with every relationship we're in. No one would argue that the older you get, the harder it is to compromise. It is. So if you marry young and you compromise together, you get used to that. Someone who has made it to 40 without having to make those compromises and learn and grow with someone would likely be much more rigid in their thinking.
Women over 30 complain all the time that there are few good guys without baggage who are over 30 out there. And it's likely true. There are some good men who stay single, but coupling off whether by marriage or just a long-term relationship is kind of the "norm." So stepping outside of that does make you a bit of a freak.
That said, it isn't fair to not give a guy a chance because of some arbitrary cutoff. There is always the exception to every "rule," right?
Do you think a man or woman over 40 who has never been married is a freak?
Almost 50 when I married. I have a two year old, 4th anniversary will be celebrated on a 14 day cruise and all is well.
I was never married before and not the kind who ever would cheat.
Um, we're right here. All it takes is an email. :)
Well thank you. But take a look at the rest of this thread and you'll see what a woman is up against. I can't tell you how depressing this thread is to a conservative woman. Your choices come down to being a skank with liberal men or sitting at home on Saturday night because fortysomething conservative men have decided that just because you have a career and you're their age, you're a feminist, in menopause and "American Women Suck." I know that's an oversimplification but really, take a look at where this thread goes. 42 year old men passing on 38 year old women because of "biology" (what happens when you marry the 25 year old and find out your sperm count is too low?you've married a brood mare who will still be young when you're getting old...often a recipe for disaster) and others suggesting Asian brides for hire. Marriage is supposed to be asupportive, nuturing relationship between two who regard each other as having different strengths and roles to play but equal as partners. The relationships being proposed on this thread...aren't that at all.
Possibly much of this is because people are just in the wrong places to find compatible mates. Or are looking IN the wrong places.
Urban centers of populations are liberal bastions. Conservative men and women are just waiting to get burned by moderate or liberals “that look good” and are “fun to be around”. But death to be married to.
Rural populations and smaller towns on the other hand may have slimmer pickings but on average may have better quality folks.
But in either case if you’re meeting people in bars and clubs you’re not going to find top quality there, typically.
I am 42, never married, go to church 75% of the Sundays, cook, clean, great job, advanced degrees, and single.
I wasted time on women that ended up as bad relationships. They ended before marriage, and I consider myself lucky to have had friends wake me up to a bad decision before it happened.
Dating now seems harder because women do think there is something wrong if you have not been married. It mostly seems that the single women have all the baggage. They run backround checks on you and check your credit report. You can tell by the questions they ask on a first date when they are trying to confirm details from the credit report.
The truth is that the current crop of “single” women are a bit narcissistic. A man that wants to get married and have kids is turned off by this behavior. I will eventually run into a woman that is a good fit and has the potential to be my partner in everything. Women that say there is something wrong with a guy over 40 that is single should ask herself why she is turning them off.
Not being married at 35, people start looking at you out of the corner of their eye.
I don't intend to sound cold-hearted, but if you are 42 and never married and no prospects, maybe you are part of the problem. There are lots of wonderful women in your age range. I also know a number of guys 40+ who are great guys, but have no idea how to communicate in an intimate level; and a woman who is worth seeking at that age has no interest in a guy who can't communicate.
Married at 16, divorced at 23, married at 28, separated at 43...raised four kids essentially alone and without support....years later am launching the last of the kids.
Like companionship and am looking for roommates for my big and wonderful house. Kinda like college but with money. Plan to do all the things I have wanted to do for years, travel, make soap, have a big garden, have big entertaining dinners with friends, and be creative.
I can’t wait.
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