Posted on 04/08/2011 5:59:12 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Anyway, here’s what to expect from a government shutdown:
* All legislators will now have to find real jobs, but there are few places that consider voting yes and no on lots of stuff as qualifying experience — and certainly they won’t be $200,000 a year for that.
* If you were dependent on any sort of welfare from the federal government, you’re probably gonna die. Sorry!
* With no federal government, there won’t be any enforced rules of engagement for troops overseas. In fact, you guys are just basically wandering ronin now. So if you see someone you think needs a killin’, just go ahead and shoot him.
* Obama will end up on the side of the road with a sign saying, “Will make impotent proclamations for food.”
* Federal prisons will shut down and all the prisoners will escape. They’ll probably have an easier time finding gainful employment than the legislators.
* U.S. currency will no longer be supported, so you’ll need to get your money in something that will last the government shutdown such as Facebook credits.
* Without the federal government, each state will now become an independent country. If your state wants to invade Kentucky and steal all its gold, you better be quick about it because I bet a lot of other states have the same idea.
* Without a big federal government to push everyone around, liberals won’t know what to do with themselves and will all die off during the winter. Too bad winter is about over so it will be a while until that happens.
* There will be no federal enforcement of borders, so it will be up to the states now without any outside interference. That means you can finally build that fence to keep Californians out.
* The U.S. Postal service will shutdown, which means you’ll only be able to use Netflix instant streaming as they’ll no longer be able to get you DVDs. If the post office shutting down affects you in any other way, then come on; get with this century, people.
* You know that guy who always yells at you when you try to climb the statue of Abraham Lincoln, well he ain’t gonna be there no more so no one is going to stop me!
Some people will then plot on how to get the federal government running again, but I think that’s pretty wrong-headed. Eventually, we should adjust just fine to no federal government and probably be better off in the long run. A federal government seemed like an interesting idea, but it was just unworkable. Well, let’s just dust off those Articles of Confederation and give those a try again.
So who has a truck and can help me steal a T-Rex from the Smithsonian?
Why let bickering politicians be the only ones to control the government? You’ve got gripes, too! Now you can get your own Government Shutdown Switch and issue your own threats. The Government Shutdown Switch connects easily to the Washington power grid online from anywhere, and controls the entire Federal government – including Congress, the Senate, the White House, and all Federal agencies. Simply throw the switch until you hear a click, and all government activity will come to an immediate stop. That includes all Federal funding – even previously unstoppable entitlement programs like Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid, as well as all military spending. You’ll have the government right where you want it! Congress, the Senate and the President will do anything to see that your demands are met – like better mail service, more Federal holidays, lower taxes, and straightening out that property dispute with your screwy neighbor – just to get the government running again. You’ll have the upper hand – because you’ll still have your Government Shutdown Switch, and can pull the same stunt over and over!
Government Shutdown Switch, $199.95
ROTFLMAO
Wow, that’s really fragrant! Did you do that?
Thanks GimpySadan!
That began to happen regularly after the Northridge Earthquake, and thousands of us that lived on the 'wrong' side of the collapsed Newhall pass had to endure multi-hour commutes out of the valley.
Periodically, you'd see a Mexican zipping along the dirt shoulder to save his ass an hour or two, so I - and many, many others - began to keep an eye in the rearview mirror watching for this activity; then simply swerve far enough to the right to do a firm 'blocking action'. It'd really piss the perp off, but after six months of these delays, we polite folk were already more pissed than he might have been so no gunplay took place (that I know of - but my glove compartment started packing).
Over the last two years I completely tore down and rebuilt a 69 VW beetle. Did everything but the transmission (nothing wrong there). Nobody else touches my bug.
I don’t touch the new cars. Too much hassle and computers. I like points and a carburetor.
My local parts store takes the used oil. I think it’s a state law.
Excuse me if I think that this is disgusting and inappropriate. It’s even worse that the man is letting his daughter see it. Revolting.
Sorry, didn’t mean to offend.
It was a clip from America’s Funniest Videos. Albeit somewhat gross....it is what animals do.
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