Posted on 03/01/2011 9:05:12 PM PST by PhilosopherStone1000
You selfish pig...my father died at the age of 38 in an accident. I was 16 years old and let me tell you it sucked big time for me and for my brothers, ages 13 and 7. I would give anything to have my father alive today (he would have been 60 in August) to enjoy his four beautiful grandchildren, including one named after him. I would love to be able to have him take our kids fishing (his favorite hobby) or for us to have talks on history (which he loved, and so do I). I would love to have seen him for the kids’ baptisms, First Communions, and our daughter’s graduation from Catholic grade school this May.
My grandmother is 81, and she’s buried 2 of her 4 children and her husband, but she is still grateful to be here. Her 10 grandkids and her 20 great-grandkids are thrilled to still have her with us.
My parents and in-laws are in their late 50s/early 60s and they are still going strong, despite my mom having one surgery in January and having to have another in a few weeks. Never once have I heard any of them want to give up on life, and they’ve all had their share of health and other problems.
I just turned 38 last month, and I plan on staying here as long as God wants me. That’s up to Him, not me.
The most selfish person I have even known used to threaten suicide whenever she wanted attention. She got pancreatic cancer, and fought the good fight. She actually beat it, against all odds. But then she pulled one of her famous bluffs. She stopped treatment with only four chemo infusions left. She checked into hospice, and told everybody she was dying. After she sucked up all the emotional support she could get, she tried to check out of hospice and continue her chemo, but it was too late. The cancer came back with a vengeance, and she died a miserable death, crying constantly for at least a couple weeks straight with no break, and begging for someone/anyone/everyone to save her life. She had three sons that were raised by anyone she could dump them on, and yet they were there by her side, trying to help her any way they could. She never offered them one word of comfort, advice, support, apology, or anything that they could carry with them throughout their lives. She even played her selfish little petty games on her death bed, deliberately causing fights among her family and friends, just for her own sick entertainment. And that’s how she will always be remembered.
If this is the way you feel, it’s not healthy. Maybe you need a career change? Life can be enjoyed but it might take some work first.
To answer your question, “Never.”
Because it’s not permitted.
Yeah, that’s kind of what I meant about my mother. Men were the bane of her existence, one time after the other and she never really learned, she didn’t hate men. She blamed herself. She always thought she brought it on herself.
She was a Christian, though, and that was why she never went through with her threats. It didn’t help any that the stupid doctor was treating her depression with valium.
Please call your minister and a mental health provider. Your daughter doesn’t deserve to suffer the loss of her father at such a young age. You can’t imagine what proper medical care and spiritual support can do to make life look better, but please realize there is help.
Think about your daughter. She’s too young to have asked all the questions she will want to ask you in a couple of decades and you haven’t had the chance to experience the change in relationship you will have with your adult child. Your unborn grandkids will miss so much if you aren’t there to spoil them.
The bottom line? Seek the help that’s available. You will see things differently.
My mother committed suicide the year I graduated from high school. I still miss her. Even now I wish I could talk to my mother or father, hoping for little gems of wisdom or a knowing smile. I bet she would have liked my two sons, and the three equally wonderful children from my first marriage. Did I mention the grandchildren? They call them "grand" for a reason.
I know that conditions in the country don't look too good these days; however, look at the Tea Party and see how candidates we supported have already started to change things around. Hey, if there is anything to the 2012 doomsday, stick around and watch the spectacle. I might be fun to watch the liberals waste away in helpless panic. Besides, it would be a clean slate on which to build.
Take a look at the earth. God made a beautiful place! Go check it it out. Travel around with a good camera.
I just finished accumulating a machine shop in the basement. I have a 12X36 lathe, a 24X8X5 milling machine and a giant collection of tooling and accessories for them. I'm not all that sure what I'm going to make; but, steam engines and guns top the list. So, find some passtime that will relight your enthusiasm. (I am also contemplating making radio tubes from scratch. Now there's something that takes some effort.) I could even rekindle my old love: amatuer rocketry.
There is plenty to do, and plenty of things that NEED attention. Your daughter ranks really high on that list; and, she will always need you even when she is fully independent. Sometimes is is good that kids are not underfoot for awhile just so you can go make metal shavings out of perfectly good stock. (or whatever)
You said, Every day, I wake up and say to myself "Crap. I'm still alive."
I gurantee you, go to the doctor and have him tell you "I'm sorry but you have terminal cancer", and you'll immediately decide you want to live more than anything else in the world. Now suck it up and accept your responsibility to raise your daughter to adulthood and quit whining.
I’ll be 50 this month. My 22 year-old son just graduated from college and is living with me, working and putting some money together for grad school. My daughter is 19 and a freshman in college and can’t go 3 days without calling her daddy to fill me in on all the latest. But, I’ve got a little room, if you want to give up, send your daughter my way and I’ll do your damn job for you. Somebody’s got to.
My son’s girlfriend (21 years old) lost her daddy a few years ago due to illness. I can tell how she misses him just from the incredibly warm hugs I get whenever we meet or say good-bye.
If I could reach through this monitor I’d slap the sh!t out of you. Seriously. Wake the hell up.
A 17 year old daughter and you think you have the right to quit? Narcissist.
I do not mean to sound harsh. My heart breaks that you feel this way and would consider this ‘solution’.
God gave you the life that you have. You have a purpose in His plan. It is really not your place to decide that the life and plan He has for you is ‘over’..
Lots of people have said read the Bible and pray. I hope that you do so. Seek His face and His will in your life. Your purpose here is not over.
I do not know you, yet you are my FRiend. Prayers up.
Your best friend and my niece lost their father’s at about the same age. My niece was 16 when he passed.
That’s a stupid idea.
There are potential sons-in-law to vet, grandchildren (not yet born) who would like to meet you, treeforts to build for them, books to read, guns to shoot, deer that need shooting. Why would you want to check out?
You won’t find the beginning of the path in your house, or your room, or any other private place where you torment yourself, and wonder why a world you’re hiding from can no longer see you. You’ll have to step outside, and take a walk through your town.
You’ll pass hospitals where the gift of life is unwrapped and presented to the universe. In another wing, life is held as precious treasure by families gathered around quiet beds, surrounded by tireless machines and their tired, but determined, keepers. Perhaps you’ll find a hospice, where the dying embrace their last opportunity to share their lives with all who receive the blessing of a seat beside them.
You’ll pass churches and temples, filled with the sworn enemies of despair. You may find yourself wishing you could give the unwanted years of your future to the clients of those hospitals and hospices. I did, years ago, when I stood where you are standing now. I was on my knees at the time, offering that trade with all my heart.
It doesn’t work that way. Those who tend the hospices can tell you why, and the people in the churches and temples can explain why it shouldn’t.
Stroll past your local police station, where the noble calling to risk your life in the service of others is answered… and the worship of death as a solution to problems meets its humiliating end. Maybe you’ll spot a recruiting station, where men and women who love their friends and families accept a duty that could take them away forever… because they know others love their families too, and there is no safe way to build and protect the future for them.
If your walk takes you past sunset, watch the cars rolling into the driveways of apartments and houses. If you walk from night into morning, watch the people reluctantly leaving their homes, to provide for their families. Those people are not wasting their lives, but fulfilling them. They return home to enjoy their reward, and renew their inspiration. Every day, they write new pages in the human story. None of us will see the end of that tale… but I know you share my appetite to read another chapter, and then one more after that. You may have convinced yourself to ignore it, but it’s still there.
Step into a convenience store for a cup of coffee or chocolate, and take a look at the newspapers. They are filled with pleas for help that you could answer. From the inner cities of America, to the broken streets of Haiti, and around the world, there are places where the clocks are filled with nothing but desperate hours. Another pair of hands, or another few dollars of support, are always needed. The years ahead, which you regard as a painful burden, can be given to them. It will take effort, and courage… but along the way, I can promise that your life would stop feeling like a burden.
You may view suicide as your last chance to shake the pillars of a world that has turned its back on you. The world doesn’t need any more shaking. If you’ve been telling yourself that no one will miss you when you’re gone, you are wrong. Your suicide would tear a hole through the future, and nothing could ever fill the space where you used to be. You might think you’re alone, but you don’t have to walk more than a couple of miles from your house to see a building full of people who would be delighted to meet you. There are places like Suicide Hotlines, staffed by men and women who have spent their entire lives preparing to hear the sound of your voice, and greet every day hoping to learn your name.
You may be afraid to face the years ahead. You’re not the only one, and if you extinguish the light of your faith and wisdom, you consign others to darkness.
You might see death by your own hand as the end of unbearable pain… but I ask you to think about Walter Koenig, facing a wall of cameras with quiet grace in the hours after finding his son’s body, and understand that it’s only the beginning of agony.
You might have decided your fellow men are rotten to the core, and you’re weary of their company. Listen to the music of Mozart, or look upon the work of Michelangelo, and consider the argument of those who profoundly disagree. Maybe part of your problem is that you’ve been listening to the wrong music, or looking at the wrong pictures. Dark waters are easy to drown in. The judgment of the human race will not lack witnesses for the defense, and they will make their case to you, if you give them a chance.
Now, take the last few steps back to your home, and set aside one sorrow or terror with every footfall, until your mind is clear. If you’re thinking of incinerating the remaining years of your life, surely you can spare a few minutes for quiet reflection, and hear this prayer from the living world:
Please don’t leave us. We need you.
It is a quiet prayer, spoken in a soft voice, but it’s never too late to listen.
I was hoping to see a reply from the OP this morning. Or a reply to the Freepmail I sent. There’s nothing. I wonder if there will be. I wonder if the OP made it through that dark place. The cynic in me wonders if someone is playing a sick game. Either way, it hurts.
I’ve been using the internet for a long time...16 years or so, with almost 10 years on FR. I’ve never encountered a situation like this before.
Thx for the ping RoseyT!
You are in a state of depression. It is not permanent but when in it, your perception of reality is TOTALLY INACCURATE. Never make decisions in such a state.
First and immediate step, see your doctor and get on an anti-depressant. The anti-depressant will soon begin to lift the fog.
Second, get some exercise and fresh air (make yourself do it, if only for those who love you).
Three, see a psychiatrist to determine why you feel this way. It may just be chemical. It may be nothing more than a natural hormonal decline.
Please understand that many of us have gone through what you are going through. This can be solved and you will look back and be glad you took corrective action.
Please mail me with any questions.
If you take your own life, you will permanently damage your beloved daughter and others who love you. I repeat, they will NEVER recover from the damage you will inflict!
I’m going to save that.
That happened to me in the ER in December (Christmas Day). I did not have cancer or a bad accident or even anything that couldn't easily be controlled, but my inner voice really chimed in with the please let me live chant.
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