Posted on 02/26/2011 1:38:34 PM PST by Squawk 8888
I’m not the wiener peeler, I’m the wiener peeler’s son, And I’m only peeling wieners, ‘Til the wiener peeler comes.
I apologize to pheasant pluckers’ sons everywhere for stealing their tongue-twister.
But who can resist when my Internet fairy, Irene, drops this job ad on my desk? “Get out your resume,” she purrs.
I pause in processing Moonlight Lady submissions, and take a boo.
“Full-time Wiener Peeler,” says the ad.
Wazzat? I ask. A red-hot stripper?
“No. As in weenie. It’s got you written all over it, ” says Irene, and she flutters off.
Well, I’m getting sick of grinding out daily columns like hamburger. So I read on.
“Opportunity. Excitement. Teamwork. Respect.
“At Maple Leaf Foods we are committed to attracting, rewarding and retaining talented people who are passionate about making a positive impact in their professional and personal lives every day.”
A noble mission. What better way to pursue it than as a bona fide full-time professional wiener peeler. The opening is at Maple Leafs’ hotdog plant in Hamilton.
Imagine the awe when you tell fellow partiers your occupation.
Picture the lineup of schools recruiting for career days.
The teachers may giggle, but the kids will scream for free samples.
You’re on Price Is Right and Drew Carey says, “What d’ya do for a living up in Canada, Mikey?”
I peel wieners, Drew.
“Good for you. Wiener peeler. Hmmm. reminds me, folks, get your pets spayed or neutered.”
Anyway, I check around and find yet another job opening at Maple Leaf. Wiener stuffer. Hit it ...
I’m not the wiener stuffer
I’m the wiener stuffer’s son
I’m only stuffing ...
(Ed. note: Stop that, you hotdogger, or we’ll make you pose for a picture like Gilles Duceppe in the silly hairnet.)
NO! Not that! I’ll do anything, boss.
The photo of Duceppe in a cheese factory was a body blow to the Bloc. He looked like a weenie. Un chien chaud. Un hotdog.
I wonder. How do wiener peelers and stuffers look? All dressed?
I call Linda Smith at Maple Leaf Foods and ask: What company wit came up with those job titles?
“They’re in the union contract,” she says. “They’re really a kind of food-processing operator.”
So machines do the actual stuffing and peeling. Thank God. I can’t imagine sitting there all day, fingers numb, going, “hundred thousand and one weenies, hundred thousand and two weenies, hundred thousand and ...”
The wiener stuffer fills the tubular collagen casings with hot dog sludge. Since you asked, the ooze typically comprises mechanically separated chicken, pork, beef, water, wheat gluten, salt, sodium phosphate, spice, dextrose, corn syrup solids, sodium erythorbate, garlic powder, onion powder, sodium nitrite and smoke.
If you need to ask what mechanically separated chicken is, don’t.
Or go eat a veggie burger.
Once the dogs have been divided and smoked and solidified, the wiener peeler removes the casings.
The stuffer and peeler look like hazmat officials or Apollo astronauts.
They wear blue rubber and plastic head to toe, with hairnet, hardhats and mask. Plus earmuffs. Yes. All those dogs barking.
The hirings, says Smith, are to gear up for summer, when 60% of wieners are sold.
What a great job, eh?
I assume you get to take home any bent, twisted or otherwise defective wieners.
And you’d be in the pantheon of careers with chicken sexer, pet food tester, bounty hunter, odor reader, fortune cookie writer, golf ball diver and newspaper hack.
Plus, you’re wrapped in a soft, warm union. The Brotherhood of Bun Fillers (BBF), or whatever it’s called.
I can picture the negotiations:
“We want a raise, a longer lunch, three weeks holiday, dental coverage and pension improvements.
“But hold the mustard.”
Concord, eh? I am trying to book a trip to SF but don’t want to stay in the city nor pay their prices. There’s a Hilton in Concord that is on the list — somewhat because it’s a 45 minute BART ride into the city. *\:^(
Concord Hilton is about 1.5mi from Concord BART so you’d need shuttle service.
Check and see whether Walnut Creek Embassy Suites is on your “list”; it’s right across the street from the Pleasant Hill BART station. Also, there’s an Extended Stay America about 2 or 3 blocks north of the Embassy Suites, if that would work for you.
Love to see a picture.
And you could scare the dickens out of people. Always a plus.
LOL!
I just wanna be able to light the BBQ from across the patio. Plus, it looks like it’d be a lot more fun than Airsoft.
The other guy who will have a really bad day is Delta Kappa.
He gets to discover Shuttle 106 and the temporal transport device.
Which he uses to witness the end of the world before the future gets fully altered, lucky him.
Not much to it. San Diego is full of criminals. SF has the other unmentionables and smells like weed at all hours.
Went to the bookstore and got a boxed set of Homer’s works (and the fan knockoff) for my birthday. Also a book about the constitutional convention.
“No weiner pullers here in NW GA....”
Don’t know about NW GA, but NE GA is full of chicken pluckers...and some are chicken feet pluckers.
Yes he did this morning. Boy he thought he was going back to the shelter. I had to go to the next town to send off priority mail. He was really unhappy. We got back home and was so happy. I just took him out a bit ago w/o his leash with other dogs nearby. Not good he chased them and did not respond.
He is so good otherwise. I cannot have him running off and not knowing his name or not minding. If you or anyone else reading this has any advise please let me know....;)
I wasn't talking about sequential. I was suggesting that you sketch a scene, which depicts the action being described by the dialog.
These days, it's called graphic novel image work.
In such depictions, even sequential scenes or images normally have a changing point of view, as if the "camera" were mobile.
I will check the other places you mentioned; I have frequent-user accounts with multiple chains and have only checked out the Hilton chains so far (because I've been racking up stays there pretty rapidly this year).
Mmm... mmm. Chicken's feet! When I went to China a decade ago I swore I'd never eat those... but ended up with a mouthful at a Dim Sum breakfast. VERY tasty, though it was only after I encountered the mass of tiny hard bits in my mouth that I realized what I'd just eaten. By then it didn't matter -- it tasted SO good!
Good night all. Long day done, a long morning ahead... then I begin the homeward journey.
Only a quarter?
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Why pay more? It’s not like the cat can’t scratch itself!
Good luck with your day’s meetings or travel or whatever. I’m not quite awake yet!
Hey! Wake up!
Guess who’s back?
Ta DAH!!!
Actually, I’m on an office computer and will have mine back in a few minutes, but I just couldn’t wait. :o]
Welcome back!
Hello! Yippee!
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