Posted on 02/16/2011 9:31:50 AM PST by JamesP81
I don't really have anybody I can talk to about this that would understand. I don't expect FR too either, but it's as good a place as any to vent.
You know what I do? I get up every day and go to work. I do my job and get my work done. I come home. I do it again the next day. And then again, and again, and again.
When I am dead, the most anyone will ever say about me is "he went to work ever day". If I were to simply drop dead, everything would pretty much be as if I had never lived. I have accomplished nothing noteworthy and I don't expect to. When my life is over with, the world will not be a better place, no one's lives will have been improved, and the evil that lives in the world will not have been pushed back.
This leaves me feeling....sick inside my soul. As if something is very, very wrong. The only thing I really look forward to is burying myself in the mundane of the normal to the degree that I do not think about these things. By and large this works, but some days I take my head out of the sand, and the result of that is days like today.
I've tried many things. When I was in school, I spent time every week in a nursing home. It did the folks there good to see anybody. But it did not fill the void. I am a blackbelt in karate and used to exercise a lot. It was good for me, but it did not fill the void. I have good friends, but I don't see them as much as I used to. We're all out of college, have jobs, and some have kids now. But even during the heyday of college, I couldn't fill the void with other people. I have hobbies. They're fun, but they leave me empty. I don't want to drop everything and be a drifter, but I don't want to sit still. I am not into carousing and having casual sex with whatever comes along. Never have been, and I'm fairly certain it would make me feel worse. I am a Christian; I do not speak to God as much as I should, but I do at times. He is supposed to have purpose for me, but I don't know what it is. I hope He has something for me other than work 9-5 until I'm dead.
A lot of people will say that your purpose is what you make of it. Every bit of evidence and observation I have tells me that's true. Yet I don't believe it, and never have.
In before "man up you wuss".
If you have an interest in history, I would suggest reenacting. It’s a great hobby and you meet really great people.
Here's one observation tho, this is the most awful time of the year for me and when I feel the worst. But I've come to realize that since I'm an outdoorsy type person, I am very susceptible to Sunlight Affective Disorder brought on by the shortened daylight , dreary days and snow brought on by the winter.
These hopeless feelings get less severe as the weather improves and I can get outside more. So just hang on for a while more, the days are getting longer, the weather is starting to take a change for the better, we'll start seeing more sunshine and when spring finally arrives and flowers start to bloom, it will be like a rebirth of the earth and your mental outlook.......
Stick with it buddy and keep the faith..........
As verification to what I said above, I just got home from taking indoor batting practice with a bunch of older guys I play ball with. The temperature outdoors is a stunning 49 degrees (first time since maybe early November) the sun is shining brightly with no cloud in the sky, the snow is melting like mad and I'm feeling in a pretty darn good mood........ Just finishing lunch and will soon be taking my nap..........LOL!
Sorry, your post confused me a little. What did you mean?
Hi James,
There are two rules in this life:
1. Love God (thank Him often).
2. Love your neighbor (no man is an island) as yourself (see your family doctor for a medical checkup).
God bless. I’m rooting for you!
They probably didn’t, certainly not before the industrial revolution. That’s about the point when some folks started pushing the message “you’re life could be AWESOME”, which has the secondary message of “if it’s not there’s something wrong with you”. That really seems to be when people started being very confused. For the most part, unless you’re born filthy rich, life is drudgery, and even the filthy rich still have to deal with the basic biological boredom (eat food, eliminate food, get some exercise) they just do it on nicer floors.
Spending 5 minutes to not think about what you don’t have to focus on what you do (hopefully an at least acceptable job, basic home, a couple of loved ones and a bit of leisure time) really does improve ones outlook on life. Friend and I were discussing this a couple of weeks ago, he commented that I was happier now than he could remember, and I said it was because I looked at what life had given me and realized it actually kicked a lot of ass, then we went and picked up my wife and ate some awesome sushi.
James remember “This Too Shall Pass”.
I was in a deep funk, stuck in a failing family business for many years and with news of a childhood friend who was suicidal. I tried everything, working with others, church, talking to others about it and nothing worked.
I continued to pray and pray for acceptance turning my will and life over to God. Things on the outside didn’t change but at some point I achieved acceptance and serentiy. I continued to do the necessary footwork looking for a job and praying for my friend and things did change.
You’re a young man - Keep the Faith. God doesn’t make junk. You’re life will get better.
Your feelings are NORMAL.
Your reactions are NORMAL.
I would guess that you’re in your late 20’s? I felt the same way at that time.
You are full of capability. Your mind/soul tells you it is as yet, unrealized. Men feel this way at a certain point of their lives—when they’re ready to do more, or embark on a change. Normal. All normal. That’s who we are ;)
I engaged in hiking, and apologetics and writing to help me through it all. Best thing to do is to EXPAND the number of relationships you have at this time—do not shut them down. There is a danger, and you know what it is.
We cannot afford to lose you, friend. You seem to think like many of us do, and we managed through those difficult years (for me, it was 1983-1985). Struggle through your Tough Times. Cast out for new things to do. Build Character or a degree of expertise at every opportunity you can. (I’m “good” at a half dozen things, but “expert” at nothing.)
E.g., “Good” at apologetics, took two semesters of ancient (Koine) Greek, decent chess player, decent writer, decent with a pistol on a target range, commanded a tank platoon, currently a minor government official managing a tiny agency with a budget of ~ $1M, etc., and have recently been “drafted” to teach Sunday school. ME?! Teaching Sunday school? Yep.
Your turn will come.
Rush Limbaugh said something once that I found to be very true: They don’t let young men make money until their late thirties. (Very true.) They don’t recognize most young men until that time in any case.
Hang in there, friend! You seem to be an intelligent and thoughtful chap. Build relationships wherever you can. The right woman can inspire you. Consider that.
Sauron
Your feelings are NORMAL.
Your reactions are NORMAL.
I would guess that you’re in your late 20’s? I felt the same way at that time.
You are full of capability. Your mind/soul tells you it is as yet, unrealized. Men feel this way at a certain point of their lives—when they’re ready to do more, or embark on a change. Normal. All normal. That’s who we are ;)
I engaged in hiking, and apologetics and writing to help me through it all. Best thing to do is to EXPAND the number of relationships you have at this time—do not shut them down. There is a danger, and you know what it is.
We cannot afford to lose you, friend. You seem to think like many of us do, and we managed through those difficult years (for me, it was 1983-1985). Struggle through your Tough Times. Cast out for new things to do. Build Character or a degree of expertise at every opportunity you can. (I’m “good” at a half dozen things, but “expert” at nothing.)
E.g., “Good” at apologetics, took two semesters of ancient (Koine) Greek, decent chess player, decent writer, decent with a pistol on a target range, commanded a tank platoon, currently a minor government official managing a tiny agency with a budget of ~ $1M, etc., and have recently been “drafted” to teach Sunday school. ME?! Teaching Sunday school? Yep.
Your turn will come.
Rush Limbaugh said something once that I found to be very true: They don’t let young men make money until their late thirties. (Very true.) They don’t recognize most young men until that time in any case.
Hang in there, friend! You seem to be an intelligent and thoughtful chap. Build relationships wherever you can. The right woman can inspire you. Consider that.
Sauron
That was funny, Thanks
Lurker...you had the single best response of all.
1,000 words of hope. :)
You’re getting plenty of advise here to see a doctor about depression. Follow that advise! The symptoms you describe are those of clinical depression. This is a physical ailment, not a character flaw; and no amount of hobbies, career advancement, or “Man up you wuss” will treat it.
There’s layers of knowing yourself. You might know what you want in the world but do you know why, and have you figured out why you don’t have it. A lot of my grabbing happiness was realizing that at age 40 (now I’m 41) there’s a damn good reason I didn’t have the things I’d always wanted, that in fact I’d never even really tried to get them, and that must have some meaning. And the meaning I figured out was that I didn’t actually want them, I’d allowed myself to be suckered into what everybody “should” want without ever wondering if I did. Once I realized I didn’t it all got much easier.
You can be an old school romantic on destiny. Not everybody is destined to be James Watt, some folks are destined to be James Watt’s cab driver. And there’s nothing wrong with that, Watt might not have done what he did if nobody drove him there.
It might be that God is about to launch you into what He has planned for all the prep work done to this point. If you're feeling a nagging that was never so strong before, it is one of the signs God's SPirit uses to get your antennae up and tingling (Chrissy Mtthews' asinine comment notwithstanding). What do you do at this daily work you attend to? Are you a part of making something your fellow humans use to make their lives better/easier/safer? And why do you presume that your sensitivity to a seeming monotonous grind is not in itself a blessing, since it is perhaps telling you to get your ass into working to make life better for others and enjoy doing it!
The accuser of the brethren uses preparation also. Satan likes to flow doubt into your mind BEFORE he sends an overwhelming temptation your way. It is also a trick the bastard uses when he senses that God is about to reach out and touch your life real good! I'm gonna leave for you a link to a youtube presentation by Graham Hancock, author, tremendous lecturer. Please note how in the beginning he acknowledges what a blessing it is from God to be given this glorious body to wrap your soul and convey your spirit around the universe. The pictures Graham used with his talk are also beautiful. You not being attached might be a blessing in dsiguise, since you're not tied down and can get moving to enjoy uncovering some of the mysteries on this exquisitely beautiful old planet.
And remember, you are first a spirit then a physical being. The time status of your soul/spirit is not synchronized to end when the body dies off. Your spirit exists in a volume of time, not on a timeline. And your soul of life/consciousness exists on a planar expression of time, so once the body is sloughed off the soul is astonishingly connected to all on the plane of 'now' in ways impossible while filtering every stimulus through the physical apparatus. But you need the time 'in the body' to acclamate your soul to being since you'll continue being indefinitely.
Sometimes when I wheel my wheelchair from my parked minivan to the inside of the grocery, I make a point to count the astonishing blessings around me and realize how I could not have experience such 'being' just three hundred years earlier because I would not have live long enough to even marry my first wonderful wife or have my son and granddaughter! Don't tell me that God doesn't have a purpose for every individual life and the where/when He places them to!
Enjoy Graham Hancock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4k8pdJ2so4&feature=relmfu
And here's a neat presentation from perhaps one of the most overlooked geniuses in the History of the human race: Tom VanFlandern: Part One of three http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkXsQbaDg5g
I would add to that the 1984 remake of the movie "The Razor's Edge" (which I would highly recommend to anyone).
Still searching for the ring?
What’s with all these folks? It’s like a convention.
“I often think I was born either a few centuries late or possibly a few centuries early”
Wow, ok. I feel the *exact* same, and you feel that there’s no place for you in this world.
There’s a depressed young man on line (a man we know nothing about) and all you can come up with is something completely stupid and insensitive.
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