Your feelings are NORMAL.
Your reactions are NORMAL.
I would guess that you’re in your late 20’s? I felt the same way at that time.
You are full of capability. Your mind/soul tells you it is as yet, unrealized. Men feel this way at a certain point of their lives—when they’re ready to do more, or embark on a change. Normal. All normal. That’s who we are ;)
I engaged in hiking, and apologetics and writing to help me through it all. Best thing to do is to EXPAND the number of relationships you have at this time—do not shut them down. There is a danger, and you know what it is.
We cannot afford to lose you, friend. You seem to think like many of us do, and we managed through those difficult years (for me, it was 1983-1985). Struggle through your Tough Times. Cast out for new things to do. Build Character or a degree of expertise at every opportunity you can. (I’m “good” at a half dozen things, but “expert” at nothing.)
E.g., “Good” at apologetics, took two semesters of ancient (Koine) Greek, decent chess player, decent writer, decent with a pistol on a target range, commanded a tank platoon, currently a minor government official managing a tiny agency with a budget of ~ $1M, etc., and have recently been “drafted” to teach Sunday school. ME?! Teaching Sunday school? Yep.
Your turn will come.
Rush Limbaugh said something once that I found to be very true: They don’t let young men make money until their late thirties. (Very true.) They don’t recognize most young men until that time in any case.
Hang in there, friend! You seem to be an intelligent and thoughtful chap. Build relationships wherever you can. The right woman can inspire you. Consider that.
Sauron
Still searching for the ring?
I have found that I’m more optimistic in the early part of a decade of my life than the later parts.
For instance, in my late 20’s I felt that I was getting old.
Then in my early 30’s, I felt young again.
Hitting each 10 yr. milestone has felt like a reset.