Posted on 05/28/2010 5:23:34 AM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin
Well, addiction has reared its ugly head again in our household. Had to kick Husband out this week. It appears that he has been 'doctor shopping' for prescriptions, and has gotten involved with some other relapsing druggies.
*SIGH*
It's been ten years since he got SOBER, but since he's on prescription drugs for back pain, he never really did get 'clean.' I gave it all I could. The kids are grown, I'm requesting my freedom from this madness. I matter little to him; I'm sure you know where his priorities lie.
I won't bore you with the details; this happens every day. My priorities have now shifted greatly; I'm in survival mode and I could really use some prayers...prayers that I stay strong. Prayers that I stay focused. Prayers that I will eventually see some light on the other side of this mess.
Thanks in advance.
That was a wonderful post. I too have personal experience with addiction; in my case alcoholism in a close family member. So true what you said - the lies are the worst, even worse than the drinking itself. I find myself doing mental adjustments - because of lying and hiding, I find out after the fact that the narrative of my life isn’t what I thought it was, and to compensate my brain flips through memory after memory, inserting things in where I think (emphasis on the word “think” because we never know what’s true or not, never feel like we get the whole truth, ever - a hard pill to swallow) they ought to go, trying to shift the past to merge my reality with his.
It’s such a battle and so very hard not to take personally. How can they love you like they say they do and still do what they do? The eternal question. But the Almighty God of the universe never slumbers nor sleeps. Countless times He has shown me He’s there - unshakable, immovable.
Diana, you have my prays and best wishes.
Based on personal and professional experience, I could give you tons of advise, but it would be like trying to put together a puzzle with most of the pieces missing. If you lived down the road, I could give you a paint by number set on how to deal with all of this stuff, not that you need it.
You said, “I gave it all I could”. Diana, that’s the least you should do and it is the most that any of us can do. A lady that raises 50 chickens certainly knows when it’s time to clean out the nest... I have 26 girls. LOL
This is a very serious and difficult time in your life. This will not be an easy road to travel. Some days, the road will be smooth, others will be bumpy and full of potholes, twists and turns. It is not enough to be strong at the beginning of this journey, you must remain strong throughout.
From what you have shared, it appears that you have your support groups in order. It begins with your belief in God, then your belief in yourself and if you let them, the strength you can get from your friends and professional network. God will help, He always does. You friends will help, they usually try. However, in the end, this all comes back to you... your strength, your commitment and your dreams of a better life. All of that begins and ends with what YOU have already said, “I gave it all I could”.
Guilt feelings will pass. The hurt of the heart will pass. The trials and tribulations of it all can pass... and someday you will find that there can be life after divorce. I know these things because I survived two divorces in my wild, irresponsible and misspent youth. I’m not proud of those days.. but the fact is... they happened. Now, I have had a wonderful life with my beautiful Bride and best friend.... for 38 fantastic years. I only wish I had met her first.
Just be sure of your own words, “I gave it all I could”.... only then will you find true guilt free happiness.
For me, I try to live my life remembering that “in a life where death is the hunter, there is not time for regrets, only decisions”.
One last thing. If your going to stay living in the sticks, make sure you get custody of the two dogs and your 50 chickens. ;>)
God bless, good luck, be right and stay strong.
Dan
“Don’t fall into the trap of believing that he doesn’t care about you (though you may be right and only you can judge the truth of it), he is in the throws of a nightmarish disease which kills 90% of those who have it. It’s not that he doesn’t love you, it is that he is consumed with his mental obsession and physical compulsion.
I have been where he is in the disease and the power of denial is unbelievable to those who aren’t alcoholics/addicts, but that is not an excuse. Sadly AA/NA is for people who want to recover, not for people who need to recover.”
You are wise and you have good reason to be proud. All too many never make it back. -hat tip-
Prayers for you and also for your poor husband.
You stand tall and strong, ma’am. If he’s going to clean himself up, this is what will get him there. If he’s not, you need to keep yourself safe.
I’m sending up prayers. “The prayers of a righteous man . . .” so you’re a little out of luck from my end. I’m praying anyway.
I find out after the fact that the narrative of my life isn’t what I thought it was, and to compensate my brain flips through memory after memory, inserting things in where I think (emphasis on the word “think” because we never know what’s true or not, never feel like we get the whole truth, ever - a hard pill to swallow) they ought to go, trying to shift the past to merge my reality with his.
Absolutely correctly stated. This destruction of our pasts is one of the largest thefts that could be perpetrated. Until one experiences it first hand, it isn’t possible to comprehend the enormity of it.
Way, way in the past, I would have these intimations that he was lying. He is bright, charismatic and quite the actor, I have discovered. So, I would feel guilty for doubting. All addicts are very good at leveraging our guilt.
All addictions destroy. In our instance, 4 families (that we know of. Probably there are many more people he has negatively affected) have been devastated. Fault lines and weaknesses have been exposed. Our pasts have been taken from us. So, when the addict tells us they have *hit rock bottom* and even when they suddenly begin to appear to have turned to God, we withhold accepting that. We have all forgiven so many things, only to find out that there was even more to be forgiven.
I am trusting that God will let us know when repentance is real. Until then, it is about all we can do to comprehend, let alone forgive.
At this point, I doubt my son even understands what love is. Evidently, he took all that he was given, not as our gift of love, but as his due for being so clever as to fool everyone, over and over. The word *love* falls so quickly and easily from his lips to everyone he has repeatedly hurt. Sometimes, he was lying about teeny little unimportant things, while other times, it was huge things involving tens of thousands of dollars and years of his own seeming effort. Every single one of these lies leaves a void for some or all of us.
God is supreme. And although my son now speaks constantly of his relationship with God, I am just trusting that He will let me know when it is real. Right now, I cannot help but believe that we are being fed yet another elaborate charade. Perhaps he even thinks, on some level, that he is involved in a meaningful prayer life and experiencing God in his life. Still, our doubts remain. It just feels as though he is being too cerebral for any redemption to be actually real. It may be unfair, but we are withholding acceptance because we have been fooled so often before, usually because we wanted to believe.
Prayers for you, as well. I doubt we know the half of those suffering from these various addictions because they have a family member totally ensnared in them. When we can bring ourselves to discuss it and especially with the few others who have similar problems within their own families, we all come back to one thing: the culture rules.
I never considered myself a social conservative. I was more of a libertarian on cultural issues. But the more of the truth of my son’s life that I learn, the more I realize that every time he was given a glib cultural excuse for whatever it was he had done or wanted to do, he was empowered to go even further. So, now I find myself adamantly opposed to the entire feel-good, self-indulgent, facile and relativistic morality we all see all around us. It is a poison and it kills.
“I could really use some prayers...prayers that I stay strong. Prayers that I stay focused. Prayers that I will eventually see some light on the other side of this mess. “
here you go
In the day of my trouble I will call on You, for You will answer me. Psalm 86:7
My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip or to be moved; He Who keeps you will not slumber. Psalm 121:2-3
Do not let your hearts be troubled (distressed, agitated). You believe in and adhere to and trust in and rely on God; believe in and adhere to and trust in and rely also on Me. John 14:1
after thought, this woman is really inspirational to me and to my friends, maybe you can find something from her site that will help you daily.
http://www.gwensmith.net/about/
she christian,
best wishes,prayers being said.
Ls
Prayers for your family.
Bless you, and may God give you strength to do what is best for you!
Prayers on the way!
Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend Diana in battle.
Be her protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.
This Prayer is for you to pray, Diana:
Father, I abandon myself into Your hands;
Do with me whatever You will.
Whatever You may do, I thank You.
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only Your will be done in me,
And in all Your creatures.
I wish no more than this, O Lord.
Into Your hands I commend my spirit;
I offer it to You, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into Your hands,
Without reserve and with boundless confidence,
For You are my Father.
Amen.
I am so sorry Diana. I missed you on the garden thread and came looking for you. Our Prayers are with you day and night and we will light a candle for you this Sunday. Stay strong and keep positive thoughts...
Dan! I am printing out your post and taping it to my refigerator door where I will see it each and every morning, noon and night.
I can’t thank you enough for your kind and caring words. I still ahve a FEW good years left in me; I need to make them the best they can be!
God Bless You and Yours. :)
Thank you! I signed up for her daily e-mails. :)
Dearest Diana,
I had no idea and I suspect none or not many of us did, which proably means you hid it well and carried your burden too long by yourself. Love, misplaced obligations, feelings of guilt, compassion and an assortment of other reasons will do that, but you’ve finally made the break! GOOD on you. Please try to think selfishly about yourself! You need and deserve to take care of you. Try to enjoy your friends. I’ll wager they’ve been anxiously waiting to shower you with their love.
You have my prayers and I must tell you, I’m in awe of your bravery and strength. God speed, Diana!
Wow! I can hardly see for the tears. God is working through you to get to me. No doubt! Thank you. Reading that prayer was like an arrow to the heart. I WILL pray that. Every day. Every hour if I need to. Thank you so much for that.
I think it IS time to surrender to God and to a lot of things that are completely beyond my control. I’ve been fighting God and )one) man for so long now; it’s been so HARD to see why God would put someone like this in my life when I deserve so much BETTER, but there is bound to be a reason why he did this, and I am going to figure it out!
Thanks, Tubey. I’ll get over to the garden thread in a jiffy.
It’s been a long day...but I’m not giving up on my garden for even one minute.
Tears through pain, sunshine through rain. :)
You’ve got my prayers and best wishes for every blessing needed to see you through this difficult time. (((Hugs)))
Prayers for your husband too, and the rest of your family.
Hope he will take the actions needed before he destroys the rest of his life.
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