~*~*~ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd~*~*~

[Lucky9teen]

Multiple Personality Day
When : Always March 5th

Multiple Personality Day is an opportunity to get in touch with yourselves.

Someone with a split personality has two personalities. Someone with multiple personalities has more than two personalities. Its a psychological disorder that I hope none of our readers have.

Don't be surprised to find yourself surrounded by people who are talking to themselves today. You might find yourself talking to yourself, too!

 When you wish someone "Happy Multiple Personality Day", you may need to do so multiple times, once for each personality.

New Tax Form MPD-1040

Form MPD-Certain deductions are available for those who qualify as multiple personalities in the current tax year. Deductions will reduce your taxable income or increase your refund even if it exceeds your income. To qualify, you must pass the following screening test.

1. Mono-personalities with mood swings do not qualify, even if you have been accused of multiplicity.

2. PMS, mid-life crisis, and Monday morning syndrome do not qualify.

3. You qualify if you agree that you are multiple, even if some of you do not admit it, or if some of you agree but others do not but would admit it if they did, or all of you agree to disagree. If you understand this statement, you automatically qualify and may proceed.

EXEMPTIONS
____Claim the number of dependents in your system here.
____Stand back and let the independents claim themselves here.
____Total: Add this number to the total exemption in form 1040.

DEDUCTIONS

____Enter all the costs of therapy sessions, including transportation, band aids, multiple personality wardrobes, cost of  therapy and value of your time in training your therapist.
____Check here if you would like these expenses reimbursed to your income taken from your perpetrator(s).
____Check here if you think the perpetrator(s) should be audited by the IRS. If it turns out they owe additional funds to the IRS, where should we send you the check?
____Add five cents deduction for every time you have heard or read that multiple personality was presumed to be a disorder.
____TOTAL: Subtract this amount from the income portion of your form  1040.

 

What a mess we would be in,  if Obama's black half separated from his white half! (found here)

Black....."Hey driver, stop up here at the Colonel's, I'm hungry!"

White....."Chicken, chicken, chicken, I want a damn steak!"

Black....."Honkey, you aint gettin' no steak cuz I eats da white meats!"

White....."Oh yeah, then I'm taking over in bed tonight!"

Black....."Go ahead, you won't get none either!"

White....."I can so, I will excite her verbally, then."

Black......"Shut up dog, she 'll be bussin a knuckle on yo ass and telling you to shut yo face and go get her some chicken!"

White....."Oh yeah, sweet Michelle will be all over me in a New York minute!"

Black....."Yo white ass will be lookin' down and sayin' (sorry honey, I'm done), then I will have to take over while you on the phone orderin' some damn chicken!"

White....."Oh tah, tah, aren't we the expert!"

Black....."Don't you tah, tah me cracker!"

White....."Oh now, you can say cracker but I can't sat the "N" word!"

Black....."You callin' me the "N" word!"

White....."If the size 14 shoe fits?"

Black Obama starts punching himself with his left hand and White Obama starts whipping himself with his tie in his right hand!  After a few minutes of struggle:

Black....."I aint got time fo this shit, I got to make some decisions about the stimulus."

White....."You spelled it (stemuless) on our notes."

Black....."I wuz jus seein' if you knew how to spell it?"

White....."Ok, then spell (vacuum) smarty pants!"

Black......."S_U_C_K  Mother F#$^&er!"

White......"Oh, that's a good one Mister President!"

Black......."Jus shut da shit home chuck, we got business back at the Cracker Crib, afta we stop fo chicken."

White......"Quit calling the White House a Cracker Crib!"

The limousine pulls up to the order speaker at KFC and Obama begins to order.

Black....."Gimme a bucket of exrta spicy an some livers, an throw in some a dem little fat nuggets, baaaaaby

White....." I would like an order of potato wedges too please."

Black......"Yeah baaaaby, throw in some butter too so I can stick em up his lilly white ass!  I aint eatin' no pooootaatoes.  We havin' meat bitch!"

White......"If I don't get my potatoes, I will tell Michelle about you and Hillary."

Black......."What you mean, me and Hillary, you was there too home fry!"

White...... "No I wasn't, that was Bill!"

Black........"And potato wedges mam!"

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

• Believing that you're better than others
• Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
• Exaggerating your achievements or talents
• Expecting constant praise and admiration
• Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
• Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
• Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
• Taking advantage of others
• Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
• Being jealous of others
• Believing that others are jealous of you
• Trouble keeping healthy relationships
• Setting unrealistic goals
• Being easily hurt and rejected
• Having a fragile self-esteem
• Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.

When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don't receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may insist on having "the best" of everything — the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance.

Hmmmm....who does that remind you of?


Why do narcissists indulge in projection?
Respondent: I don't know why do...
Joker: It's not narcissists that indulge in projection, its you that indulges in projection. - you are so devoid of empathy and you always want lots of attention and if I dare to criticise you, you always fly off the handle and you go on and on and on about it and you never let me get a word in edgeways and as well as that you are always being charming to people when they are present and later on you always want to criticize them behind their backs! (pause for a deep breath)



How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

A narcissist is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house

What do a narcissist and a sperm have in common? Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being

My husband and I divorced for religious reasons. He thought he was God and I didn't


Hear about Sarah Palin and Michelle Obama posing nude for magazines lately?
Yeah Sarah Palin was seen in playboy and Michelle Obama was discovered in National Geographics!!!!!

[bmwcyle]

[sunny48]

No problem

[sunny48]

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
‘Kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’

[ShadowAce]

[ShadowAce]

[Lucky9teen]

I went down this morning to sign up my Dog for welfare. At first the lady said, Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare. So I explained to her that my Dog is unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and has no frigging clue who his Daddy is. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My Dog gets his first check Friday. What a great country.

[secret garden]

Got rid of it but it wasn’t as easy as it should have been. Thanks.

[secret garden]

Forgiven. :-)

[a fool in paradise]

GEORGE: Was it a scratch or a pick?

JERRY: It was a scratch.

GEORGE: Hey. It's me.

JERRY: Don't you think I know the difference between a pick and a scratch?

[Buzzer]

JERRY: Yeah?

ELAINE: (OC) It's me.

JERRY: Come on up.

GEORGE: Was there any nostril penetration?

JERRY: There may have been some incidental penetration. But from her angle she was in no position to make the call.

GEORGE: So let's say in her mind she witnessed a pick. Okay, so then what?

JERRY: Is that so unforgivable? Is that like breaking a commandment? Did God say to Moses thou shalt not pick?

GEORGE: I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. You wander throughh the desert for forty years with that dry air. ... You telling me you're not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit.

JERRY: Let me ask you something. If you were going out with somebody and if she did that what would, would you do? Would you continue going out with her?

GEORGE: No. That's disgusting!

< /SEINFELD >

[hoagy62]

Okay...I KNOW it’s a pic of some fatass cow in a Wal-Mart....

But I WANT that shirt!!

[Lucky9teen]

Here's something silly


I'm still not sure what I think about Palin's new comedy schtick. Granted she was funny, but I'm not sure about the direction of it. Hmmm...

[a fool in paradise]

That bag needed a warning label, “this bag is not a safety device”.

[a fool in paradise]

Obama: "Mmmmm, hot greasy porn." (this is from this week, he's already off his diet)

[Lucky9teen]

I've seen most of these before, they still are amazing.

It'll take him four hours to do one hand.

He then photographs it for posterity.

I cannot imagine how he does it, the eyes are so remarkably lifelike.

It took him 10 hours to do the two-handed Eagle picture.

[a fool in paradise]

FRAMED!

[Lucky9teen]

[a fool in paradise]

I'm still not sure what I think about Palin's new comedy schtick. Granted she was funny, but I'm not sure about the direction of it. Hmmm...

She is gunning for Tina Fey's job. Payback time!

[a fool in paradise]

[a fool in paradise]

WARNING: KENNEDY CROSSING!