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~*~*~ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd~*~*~
Posted on 03/05/2010 4:26:04 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Multiple Personality Day
When : Always March 5th
Multiple Personality Day is an opportunity to get in touch with yourselves.
Someone with a split personality has two personalities. Someone with multiple personalities has more than two personalities. Its a psychological disorder that I hope none of our readers have.
Don't be surprised to find yourself surrounded by people who are talking to themselves today. You might find yourself talking to yourself, too!
When you wish someone "Happy Multiple Personality Day", you may need to do so multiple times, once for each personality.
New Tax Form MPD-1040
Form MPD-Certain deductions are available for those who qualify as multiple personalities in the current tax year. Deductions will reduce your taxable income or increase your refund even if it exceeds your income. To qualify, you must pass the following screening test.
1. Mono-personalities with mood swings do not qualify, even if you have been accused of multiplicity.
2. PMS, mid-life crisis, and Monday morning syndrome do not qualify.
3. You qualify if you agree that you are multiple, even if some of you do not admit it, or if some of you agree but others do not but would admit it if they did, or all of you agree to disagree. If you understand this statement, you automatically qualify and may proceed.
EXEMPTIONS
____Claim the number of dependents in your system here.
____Stand back and let the independents claim themselves here.
____Total: Add this number to the total exemption in form 1040.
DEDUCTIONS
____Enter all the costs of therapy sessions, including transportation, band aids, multiple personality wardrobes, cost of therapy and value of your time in training your therapist.
____Check here if you would like these expenses reimbursed to your income taken from your perpetrator(s).
____Check here if you think the perpetrator(s) should be audited by the IRS. If it turns out they owe additional funds to the IRS, where should we send you the check?
____Add five cents deduction for every time you have heard or read that multiple personality was presumed to be a disorder.
____TOTAL: Subtract this amount from the income portion of your form 1040.
What a mess we would be in, if Obama's black half separated from his white half! (found here)
Black....."Hey driver, stop up here at the Colonel's, I'm hungry!"
White....."Chicken, chicken, chicken, I want a damn steak!"
Black....."Honkey, you aint gettin' no steak cuz I eats da white meats!"
White....."Oh yeah, then I'm taking over in bed tonight!"
Black....."Go ahead, you won't get none either!"
White....."I can so, I will excite her verbally, then."
Black......"Shut up dog, she 'll be bussin a knuckle on yo ass and telling you to shut yo face and go get her some chicken!"
White....."Oh yeah, sweet Michelle will be all over me in a New York minute!"
Black....."Yo white ass will be lookin' down and sayin' (sorry honey, I'm done), then I will have to take over while you on the phone orderin' some damn chicken!"
White....."Oh tah, tah, aren't we the expert!"
Black....."Don't you tah, tah me cracker!"
White....."Oh now, you can say cracker but I can't sat the "N" word!"
Black....."You callin' me the "N" word!"
White....."If the size 14 shoe fits?"
Black Obama starts punching himself with his left hand and White Obama starts whipping himself with his tie in his right hand! After a few minutes of struggle:
Black....."I aint got time fo this shit, I got to make some decisions about the stimulus."
White....."You spelled it (stemuless) on our notes."
Black....."I wuz jus seein' if you knew how to spell it?"
White....."Ok, then spell (vacuum) smarty pants!"
Black......."S_U_C_K Mother F#$^&er!"
White......"Oh, that's a good one Mister President!"
Black......."Jus shut da shit home chuck, we got business back at the Cracker Crib, afta we stop fo chicken."
White......"Quit calling the White House a Cracker Crib!"
The limousine pulls up to the order speaker at KFC and Obama begins to order.
Black....."Gimme a bucket of exrta spicy an some livers, an throw in some a dem little fat nuggets, baaaaaby
White....." I would like an order of potato wedges too please."
Black......"Yeah baaaaby, throw in some butter too so I can stick em up his lilly white ass! I aint eatin' no pooootaatoes. We havin' meat bitch!"
White......"If I don't get my potatoes, I will tell Michelle about you and Hillary."
Black......."What you mean, me and Hillary, you was there too home fry!"
White...... "No I wasn't, that was Bill!"
Black........"And potato wedges mam!"
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:
- Believing that you're better than others
- Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
- Exaggerating your achievements or talents
- Expecting constant praise and admiration
- Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
- Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
- Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
- Taking advantage of others
- Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
- Being jealous of others
- Believing that others are jealous of you
- Trouble keeping healthy relationships
- Setting unrealistic goals
- Being easily hurt and rejected
- Having a fragile self-esteem
- Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.
When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don't receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may insist on having "the best" of everything the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance.
Hmmmm....who does that remind you of?
Why do narcissists indulge in projection?
Respondent: I don't know why do...
Joker: It's not narcissists that indulge in projection, its you that indulges in projection. - you are so devoid of empathy and you always want lots of attention and if I dare to criticise you, you always fly off the handle and you go on and on and on about it and you never let me get a word in edgeways and as well as that you are always being charming to people when they are present and later on you always want to criticize them behind their backs! (pause for a deep breath)
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.
A narcissist is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house
What do a narcissist and a sperm have in common? Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being
My husband and I divorced for religious reasons. He thought he was God and I didn't
Hear about Sarah Palin and Michelle Obama posing nude for magazines lately?
Yeah Sarah Palin was seen in playboy and Michelle Obama was discovered in National Geographics!!!!!
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: multiple; obamajokes; ofst; personality; silliness
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To: Daffynition
41
posted on
03/05/2010 6:47:09 AM PST
by
ShadowAce
(Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
To: ShadowAce
There is a special place in He!! for people like YOU
42
posted on
03/05/2010 6:49:02 AM PST
by
Dacula
(Evil succeeds when good men do nothing. Lets do something.)
To: Lucky9teen
So, the other day Satan was walking around, taking in all the suffering in hell.
He noticed a rotund old guy sweating and shoveling coal, and decided he wasn’t suffering enough...
He leaned close, whispered in the guy’s ear:
“Hey, Teddy, guess what... I hear a Republican got your senate seat!”
43
posted on
03/05/2010 6:50:29 AM PST
by
sunny48
To: ShadowAce
Meanest prank ever. Had to completely reboot.
44
posted on
03/05/2010 6:52:38 AM PST
by
secret garden
(Why procrastinate when you can perendinate?)
To: ShadowAce
you are bad very very bad
45
posted on
03/05/2010 6:53:37 AM PST
by
Rightly Biased
(If Clinton was the first black president then Obama is the first black Jesus.)
To: secret garden
46
posted on
03/05/2010 6:55:44 AM PST
by
CJ Wolf
To: Bean Counter
47
posted on
03/05/2010 6:56:38 AM PST
by
sunny48
To: Lucky9teen
You May Be a Bit Borderline... |
Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame! When you're up, you're a little bit crazy... And when you're down, your whole world is crashing Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute! |
It is said that there is a fine line between genius and insanity......
48
posted on
03/05/2010 6:56:39 AM PST
by
fredhead
(Liberals think globally, reason rectally, act idiotically.)
To: Dacula
49
posted on
03/05/2010 6:59:21 AM PST
by
ShadowAce
(Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
To: ShadowAce
50
posted on
03/05/2010 7:00:20 AM PST
by
sunny48
To: CholeraJoe
51
posted on
03/05/2010 7:01:58 AM PST
by
TADSLOS
(Tea Party. We are the party of NO! NO to more government! NO to more spending! NO to more taxation!)
To: All
52
posted on
03/05/2010 7:03:30 AM PST
by
sunny48
To: sunny48
Sorry--
53
posted on
03/05/2010 7:05:56 AM PST
by
ShadowAce
(Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
To: ShadowAce
One of the nice things about the way I have our webfilter set up is that it automatically defaults to Google "Safe" search for all users in my network.
Blocked it.
Came up with the wiki article for me...
There was a java/flash bomb based on this one a while back. Would over load the system with pop ups.
Fun times...
54
posted on
03/05/2010 7:07:21 AM PST
by
Dead Corpse
(III, Oathkeeper)
To: ShadowAce
but I did put it on Facebook and have all kinds of people very upset at me
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
55
posted on
03/05/2010 7:08:58 AM PST
by
Rightly Biased
(If Clinton was the first black president then Obama is the first black Jesus.)
To: Dacula; secret garden; Rightly Biased; sunny48; Dead Corpse
OK, I hit abuse on that post.
I have a script blocker enabled, and when I went there and turned it off, I discovered what you had already found out.
I really am sorry.
56
posted on
03/05/2010 7:10:24 AM PST
by
ShadowAce
(Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
To: ShadowAce
dude its funny....
oh well it just went viral...
57
posted on
03/05/2010 7:11:47 AM PST
by
Rightly Biased
(If Clinton was the first black president then Obama is the first black Jesus.)
To: ShadowAce
IT’s FRIDAY. People CAN take a joke. Paybacks are a Big Itch.
I was in no way offended.
58
posted on
03/05/2010 7:12:57 AM PST
by
Dacula
(Evil succeeds when good men do nothing. Lets do something.)
To: Lucky9teen
59
posted on
03/05/2010 7:16:14 AM PST
by
Cyber Ninja
(His legacy is a stain OnTheDress)
To: Daffynition
There’s one out there with a taliban man too
60
posted on
03/05/2010 7:16:55 AM PST
by
sunny48
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