Posted on 02/11/2010 12:16:54 PM PST by HamiltonJay
I am looking to collect some dumb sayings for a project, so if can you please take a minute to send me the dumbest or silliest thing a superior or boss has said to you at work, (any job, not just here, and no don't name names).
Nothing that requires a backstory to it, just simple one or two sentence statements that you have been told over the years that in and of themselves have made you shake your head, stare at them in awe, spit your coke out your nose, or whatever.
Thanks
Actually once in a while my boss will ask me (after 5 working late) if I want to come in and have a beer. True story. Of course I say yes. Happens once or twice a week. Just trying to make some jealous. I LOVE MY JOB.
I used to love Mystery Science Theatre. I can’t get it anymore.
in a job interview the man asked me what my husband thought if me working, and then he replied “Hell, me — I’d want my wife home cooking my dinner.”
‘course that was 25 years ago.
At the National Archives front desk: “Ask her over there. She’s the college grad.”
“A boss once told me I had accumulated six weeks of vacation and comp time,but he said I couldnt take it. When I asked why he said “if I can do without you for six weeks, I can do without you”
He’s a VERY smart boss.
I had a boss that used to send certain people on vacation for three weeks. People were initially angry that he was doing it. Boss used this to see what would happen when they left.
If the person had too much on their plate, then he’d jump in and find out why the guy had been dealt the hand he’d been dealt, and that usually meant higher-ups getting hammered for sending their work down.
If the person wasn’t missed, then he’d have a pink slip ready when they got back, and managers generally got canned too.
Before long, the ‘vacations’ ceased, and the office ran like a top, even when someone was gone. Two weeks was generally the max someone could go without things falling apart somehow. By then people were cross-trained enough to deal with the temporary loss, but after two weeks, everybody around you was glad to see you back.
[Six employers ago - I'm in IT related industry.]
I was not under contract, so I politely said goodbye as he fumed. I guess you had to be there.
.... and yet, even with that clever line, you never DID take me up on it.
“Is Canada known for maple?”
“Irregardless, I want you to use proper English.”
partial quote "Recently, while discussing one of my projects he stated that what I had done was stupid. When I asked, “Are you calling me stupid?” He replied, “No, just what you did.” Frankly, I don’t see the difference."
He was given his walking papers. The whole organization was mismanaged and the division was closed despite my efforts to convince management otherwise. 234 people hit the street!
” You know, Mark is afraid of you!”
“Why?”
“You have guns !”
I’ve had to send female employees home for looking like they were ready to turn tricks.
I had four people in the office as I delivered that bit of directive. I had a female HR type take a photo to back it up. No, we didn’t circulate the photo.
One of our largest customers was having a product problem. My boss and one of the VP’s were convinced it was a defect. I was managing customer complaints and was leaning toward it being an application problem on their part. Whle my boss and the VP were spending tens of thousands of dollars trying desperately to find that our company was making defective product, I called the manufacturer of the installation machine and asked him if he thought they were using it incorrectly. After describing what they were doing, he was also convinced the customer was screwing up.
I actually got in trouble from my boss and the idiot VP for daring to cantact this guy. They demanded to know how I found out the name of his company. “The sign on the side of the machine.” Then they wanted to know how I got the phone number. With great restraint, I simply said “Google.”
Long story short, I solved a major problem with a $30,000,000 per year customer at a net cost of two trips to the local plant and a trip to Mexico, under $1,000 and then got in trouble for it. These idiots droped $50,000 to find out the company was making a very good stable product. Duh.
In appreciation, six weeks later, my job of 18 years was eliminated. I now work for another similar type company and my non-compete expires in 4 months. Look out boys.
“I want you guys to go out there and fly the wings right off those planes!” ~ my old boss to an assembly of flight instructors.
“Dumbest things a boss has said to you”
One day when I was in the Army I was sitting on my 5th point of contact in my office, feet up on my desk, eyes closed, thoroughly hung over when Top walked in and asked; WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” My immediate response?
“Is this a trick question?”
gee - let me count the reasons
ah, not exactly what he meant!
This was the same guy (Air Force General) who, after my first briefing to him (as female officer), when asked if he had any questions, said he couldn’t decide what would be his idea of a dream come true: being a sailor on leave in Naples, a dog in heat, or an officer’s wife.
Don’t ask me what that had to do with the briefing! Guess he was just trying to embarrass me. Didn’t work. Sure blew away the rest of his staff, though.
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