Vanity - Dumbest things a boss has said to you

Me

[HamiltonJay]

I am looking to collect some dumb sayings for a project, so if can you please take a minute to send me the dumbest or silliest thing a superior or boss has said to you at work, (any job, not just here, and no don't name names).

Nothing that requires a backstory to it, just simple one or two sentence statements that you have been told over the years that in and of themselves have made you shake your head, stare at them in awe, spit your coke out your nose, or whatever.

Thanks

[Obadiah]

"This is going in your permanent file!"

Classic. It's our standard line for the slightest perceived infraction: "That's going in your P file."

[central_va]

“This is not a not for profit organization”
— The Boss

[Grunthor]

Great movie!

[Brytani]

Boss - I need you to open a file on my computer and do some editing for me, it’s on the network.

Me - Finding out he had not set his permissions to access or edit the file said “ok, but you’ll need to go into the file and give me permission to access and make changes”.

Boss - ok.

Five minutes later he sent me an email saying I hereby grant Tami to access and make changes to file blahblahblah....

[VeniVidiVici]

Have to give a *little* background :-) One day while on a training exercise with the 5th ID, my buddy and I were parked in my jeep behind the Division TOC eating breakfast. They had a rule that whenever parked, your vehicle had to have the hood up, ostensibly to deflect the glare of the sun.

So there we were sitting in the jeep and relaxing, feet on the hood and chowing down when this female major comes storming up to us, and screaming, "Why isn't your hood up? Why isn't your hood up?"

Staying calm I looked at my feet laying on top of the hood from my jeep seat and said, "Ma'am. I don't have a windshield." The look on her face was priceless. She was desperately searching for a way to save face but at that point it was impossible :-)

[Carpe Cerevisi]

On September 11th 2001 my former African-American female boss said to me:

“Look what YOUR President caused!”

Btw, I’m white.

[tx_eggman]

When discussing a coworker's twin sons, my old boss asked "How old are the twins?"

When my friend responded "4", the boss asked "both of them?"

He was an idiot in other areas as well.

[joethedrummer]

-Upon ‘calling in’ as my infant son was being hospitalized, my supervisor told me to “...do something about your damn kids or find yourself another job.”

Guess which course of action I took...

Oh yeah, I USED to work for the USPS back in those days.

[Ingtar]

Handles are game. Zathras still get no respect.

[mad_as_he$$]

Actually I have used that one. I had some idiots doing low level jobs that were suppose to do a specific task the same way every day. They got “creative” one day and changed the way they did it. Cost thousands to repair the damage.

[k1200rider]

In a staff meeting with several employees over the age of 60 my boss said “We have too many older employees and we need younger people”. Age discrimination lawsuit anyone?

[Hoffer Rand]

I know we’re losing $10 on every one, but we’ll make up for it in volume.

[Responsibility2nd]

Boss: I wonder how the office would react if one day I suddenly lost it.

(deep in thought)

I wonder if I suddenly went postal one day, what would happen?

Me: (Thinking - Holy Shiiiiit)

(His screeen saver at that time: Kill them all - Let God sort it out)

[sticker]

I had a boss complain about we selling to general contractors the reason: he thought they required too much paper work for us to get paid. Of course all the idiot did was play solitaire on the computer. The billing clerk bitched about new inventory items and new customers, it caused her to have to work

[Onelifetogive]

My Operations Manager to MY customer: "We do not advertise nor do we try to bill customers for psychic abilities."

MY customer was not particularly happy with our level of customer service...

[mad_as_he$$]

All god sea stories start with “So, There I was. I $hit you not.....” At least that is what that Chief told me.

[Obadiah]

"Never mind."

[21twelve]

“We think that you are getting paid what you are worth.”

I had a boss tell me “I’d pay you what you were worth, but I don’t think you’ll work for that cheap. How does five bucks an hour sound?”

My dad - told to me when I was about 13 years old.

[TexasCajun]

I have the greatest boss in the world also, smart, wise, tough but fair!

I even sign his paychecks!

...all round good guy. ...handsome guy ...great sense of humor.

Huh? Self-employed, Me? ...Yes, why do you ask?

[rrr51]

You may think that I don’t know what you do here, but I do, and I really appreciate it.

I’ve been told that one several times. Its a real favorite.