Posted on 10/20/2009 5:57:42 PM PDT by Mo1
I try.
Snake’s blood has frozen due to global warming...........
Heck, I’VE frozen due to this globull worming stuff.
“DADDY, WHAT DOES THE TOOTH FAIRY DO WITH ALL THOSE BABY TEETH?”
“Well, precious daughter, every night, she flies back to her Tooth Fairy tower where she cares for each and every tiny baby tooth in her own special way. Until she sells them on the black market.”
“Nuh UH.”
“Yes huh, I’m afraid. The teeth of children are quite the illicit commodity. Sure, illegal weapons, drugs, and stolen works of art are probably the most popular, but baby teeth are definitely in the top ten.”
“But but but… why would she sell them?”
“Sweetie, you don’t honestly think she just magics that dollar you find under your pillow out of thin air, do you? Homegirl’s got to earn those funds somehow. You’d be surprised how many people in this world that are more than willing to pay big money for access to her tooth supply. Mad scientists. Tribal Shamans. Trolls. Lawyers.”
“L-L-Lawyers?!”
“Oh, sure, pumpkin. They’re the biggest buyers. They take all those little baby teeth, all of them bursting with the innocence and dreams of children just like you, and they grind them up into a fine powder. Some of the powder goes into the tiny cakes that they eat to fuel their dark souls with untold power. Most of it, though, is mixed with water and made into a paste which is used to coat the throne of their Shadow King.”
“WaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHH!”
“Sorry, kid. I felt the same way when I found out, too. Just wait’ll you hear what the Easter Bunny does for cash.”
LOL, I’m glad I didn’t write that one.
I’d have people yelling at me for it.
Groan!
Lonely neighborTom had been in police work for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'
'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.'
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.'
'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too.'
'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! . I'll be there.. Thanks, again.'
'More'n likely be some wild sex, too,'
'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?'
'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.'
heeheehee
Back home for a few days... managed to come down with a darned old respiratory infection while chasing the sun. I’m stocked up on juices, teas, homemade chicken soup and chocolates... :) hope all that does the job... Gotta cheer on ‘dem Saints’ this weekend.
Raleigh , NC
Jeff Gordon announced today that he was firing his entire pit crew. This announcement followed Gordon’s decision to take advantage of President Obama’s scheme to employ Harlem youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment; whereas Gordon’s existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon’s management team, as most races are won or lost in the pits. However, Gordon got more than he bargained for.
At the crew’s first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds, they had changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Dale Ernhart Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon’s wife in the shower.
A math teacher was arrested today at JFK International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule & a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Republican Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
“Al-Gebra is a problem for us,” Holder said. “They derive solutions by means & extremes, & sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.” They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ & refer to themselves as “unknowns”, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle’.
When asked to comment on the arrest, Obama said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers & toes.” White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by Obama. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.
You are very strange. But then I guess thats why you fit in. How ya been?
Strange? Moi?
It must have worked. Better double the dosage next weekend. I don't think that the Vikings will be as friendly as the Cardinals were.
On the other hand, the Saints in the Dome are tough. Should be a great game.
LOL Thanks.
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