Wacky and Outdated U.S. Laws

Dumb Laws ^ | 9/11/09 | Stupid Lawmakers

[OneVike]

State laws are changing all the time. For example, Arizona will make it legal for gun owners with permits to carry concealed weapons to take their fire arms into drinking establishments -- bars -- on September 29. Up until now, guns were barred from any kind of establishment where alcohol is served but that law no longer stands.

Since this country came into existence, laws have come and gone, sometimes addressing very specific circumstances which no longer apply. Today, these outdated laws may seem just plain wacky to us but at some point they were very important. That's why we did a little digging and we found the 25 most unusual outdated laws in the country. Keep in mind that many of these laws may have fallen off the books years ago or perhaps were nullified by new sets of laws that are more modern. But nevertheless, they existed at one time and, whether we know the story behind them or not, it's funny to think that these rules were actually written down on a piece of paper for a legislature to agree on and pass.

These days, we may think several laws are silly or perhaps even wacky. Many people don't agree with some of the regulations and statutes currently in place but they are there and they've been argued over and over between different parties. They've been rewritten and revised and passed. And they still stand today for some reason. But can you imagine that at one time, politicians were arguing over whether someone should have to pay a parking fine for tying an elephant to a parking meter?

No matter how you feel about Prop 8, the healthcare issue, how the economy is being handled or anything else that's currently going on in your own state government, you should at least be able to have a chuckle over these 25 wackiest outdated laws. Starting with:

25. In New Jersey (and Oregon) it is illegal for a driver to pump their own gas. This law was put into place because back in the day, the state governments were scared to let average drivers handle flammable materials: gas. So, to this day, in New Jersey and Oregon, you must let a professional pump your gas.

Freeper editor note from me (One Vike)
This law is still on the books, but it has nothing to do with protecting people from harmful flammable materials. It had everything to do with protecting a job that would be gone when all services stations went to self service.

24. In Reno, Nevada, the sale of sex toys, which includes "any device ... designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs," is forbidden. The state of Nevada allows for brothels but it seems the Reno is a little weary of self stimulation. You can pay someone else to do it for you but you can't pay to do it for yourself.

23. In Fairbanks, Alaska, it's illegal to give a moose alcohol and it's also illegal for moose to have sex on city streets. While the first part of this makes sense (a drunk moose would probably be pretty dangerous), the second part sounds like something that might be really hard to enforce. Do you fine these exhibitionist moose or do you just haul them off to jail? Let's face it, if they've been getting it on in the street, they're probably already drunk.

22. No one can suddenly start or stop a car in front of a McDonald's or drive-in restaurants in general in Little Rock, Arkansas. This must have made Bill Clinton's visits to the local McDonald's really interesting back when he was the governor. Maybe that's why he decided to take up jogging instead.

21. An anti-crime law in Texas requires criminals to give their victims notice, oral or written, 24 hours in advance of the the crime they're planning to commit and the nature of that crime. It seems unlikely that someone who is already planning to break one law would follow this law and actually put pen to paper: "Dear Karen, I'm planning to break into your house and steal your Wii in 24 hours."

20. In Louisiana, you could go to jail for up to a year for making a false promise so be sure you mean it when you give your vows at your wedding. It's hard to believe that a state would actually make it illegal to essentially lie to someone but apparently somewhere along the line, it pissed off someone so much that they actually had to make a law forbidding it.

19. While in Oregon, a person may not test their physical endurance while driving a car on a highway. Somehow doing so would qualify as speed racing along a highway which holds a penalty for many drivers. It's a Class A traffic violation for any driver to do so within the state according to the state driving laws.

18. An Owensboro, Kentucky woman may not buy a hat without her husband's permission. Perhaps Owensboro is petrified by the fashions worn at the Kentucky Derby every year when it's held a little over two hours away in Louisville. For this reason, they had to put some restriction on how women could buy their hats -- to keep them from getting anything like those monstrosities that take over Churchill Downs.

17. Doughnut holes may not be sold in Lehigh, Nebraska. Why? Maybe Lehigh residents are purists and rather than buying into the doughnut hole craze when it came along, they decided to stay loyal to their favorite doughnuts instead. So, if you every visit Lehigh, you better be prepared to eat the entire doughnut for breakfast, not just that dinky little dougnut hole.

16. New York residents may not greet one another by putting their thumb to their nose and wiggling their fingers. More than likely, this little law fell off the books long ago. Obviously, the law dealt with one very specific circumstance. We like to think that gangs of silly people were roaming the streets and signaling to each other by thumbing their nose and wiggling their fingers. Or maybe it has something to do with that old saying about "thumbing your nose" -- meaning you reject something.

15. In Waynesboro, Virginia, it was once illegal for a woman to drive a car up Main Street unless her husband walks in front of the car waving a red flag. Women were probably barred from driving at all at one time so this might have been a step in the right direction for the women of Waynesboro -- they had to drive behind a big red flag but at least they could get behind the wheel of a car.

14. It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions driving around the state of Washington to stop at city limits and telephone the local chief of police before entering town. Along the lines of the previously mentioned Texas anti-crime law, this measure was put into place to prevent drifters from conning people in several different towns. But, once again, if their intent is to break the law, it's doubtful they'd follow this particular rule.

13. Hunters were once expressly forbidden from going after camels -- in the state of Arizona. Snopes.com actually proves that this law no longer exists under current Arizona provisions but they do note that the law would have made sense in the late 1800s when camels were imported into the state to help haul freight and men. Of course, since the animals were privately owned, they should have fallen under the private property statutes but, regardless, it would have been illegal to hunt camels.

12. One-armed piano players who perform in Iowa must do so for free. Now -- that just seems unfair. A one-handed piano player might be just as good or even better than a piano player with two hands. Why shouldn't they get paid? Of course, we have a feeling that this is one of those laws that is no longer official nor still enforced by local authorities.

11. A person must be over the age of 18 to use a pinball machine in the state of South Carolina. This law almost makes sense -- especially if you've seen those really racy pinball machines with images of half-naked ladies and violence painted all over them. Who would want a minor looking at all that stuff while they're playing an arcade game. Well, certainly not the state of South Carolina.

10. Beavers in Michigan could be fined up to $10,000 per day for building unlicensed dams, according to letters that the state once sent certain beavers in Grand Rapids. This actually happened. After complaints about flooding on neighboring property, the state sent a letter to the land owner ordering him to remove unauthorized wood debris dams. The reply sent by the landowner was widely circulated around the Internet as he pointed out that the "wood debris dams" belonged to beavers and he was not responsible for it. Eventually the matter was dropped and it seems unlikely that this would actually happen again.

9. In Alabama, it's illegal to wear a funny fake mustache to church. If you want a mustache in Alabama but you also want to go to church -- just don't fake it. Grow your own because otherwise you'll cause a stir. Church is a serious matter and if you plan on wearing a funny fake mustache then you should go somewhere else besides your local church.

8. In New Hampshire, you may not tap your feet, nod your head or in any way keep time with the music played in a tavern, restaurant or cafe. This sounds very similar to cabaret laws in New York City which prevent dancing in most bars. But this law really gets down to the nitty gritty and prevents any outward sign that you're enjoying a piece of music at all. And that just seems a little grouchy.

7. Chicago forbids fishing while sitting on a giraffe's neck. While we can't imagine why someone would be riding on a giraffe's neck in Chicago, let alone fishing, it does make sense. The combination of giraffe-level altitude and sharp hooks just doesn't mix. The giraffe, the fisher, passersby or all of these people could get hurt.

6. A person may be jailed in Fargo, North Dakota for wearing a hat while dancing or wearing a hat to an event where dancing is taking place. This is probably another of those laws that is no longer current nor enforced in Fargo but it is funny to think that at one time, hats and dancing in Fargo just didn't mix. In many other places wearing a hat while dancing is fine but if you aren't wearing pants, then you're in trouble.

5. Skunks may not be carried into the state of Tennessee. Look, skunks are gross no matter where they are and they tend to carry rabies which is something that you don't want to find anywhere. Tennessee is simply trying to keep skunks out and make their state smell better in addition to keeping rabies well outside of the entire state. They may still have a ways to go.

4. No one may cross Minnesota state lines with a duck on top of their head. This one is a little harder to explain than the Tennessee skunk law. First of all, who doesn't like ducks? Secondly, why can't they be carried on one's head? Perhaps this is just another disease prevention measure -- maybe residents in neighboring states tend to carry their ducks around on their heads.

3. In Ohio, It's illegal to get a fish drunk. How one would even attempt to feed alcohol to a fish is beyond us unless they have the little buggers swimming in it. And that just seems cruel and dangerous. So there's no reason to disagree with this particular law -- except there's no real indication as to how this law could regularly be enforced.

2. Next door neighbors may not lend each other vacuum cleaners in Denver, Colorado. We feel bad for people who live in Denver and don't own their own vacuum cleaners and we probably won't be visiting those people anytime soon due to the fact that it's probably been some time since they've cleaned the carpets. However, this law more than likely fell off the books long ago and is no longer enforced. So vacuum cleaner owners of Denver, lend away!

1. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter in Florida, the parking fee must be paid just as if a car had parked there. While this may seem very odd, it's actually not unusual for a circus elephant to end up in Florida. The Ringling Museum, located in the house where John Ringling lived, is located in Sarasota, Florida. The entire state is pretty proud of their circus elephants.

[OneVike]

Jefferson Davis, yes that Jefferson Davis, was the mastermind of importing camels as beasts of burdens. I read that in Winston Broom’s latest book Vicksburg .

Thanks, I love it when I learn something new. And that I did not until now.

[jocon307]

LOL, literally, very amusing stuff.

“Or maybe it has something to do with that old saying about “thumbing your nose” — meaning you reject something.”

My understanding as a native of NYC is that this gesture is very old and of Dutch origins and means “kiss my *ss”.

[668 - Neighbor of the Beast]

The NJ law against pumping your own...I always thought that was because the gas jockey had a wad of cash in his pocket and was afraid of getting mugged. When I was a kid I noticed they always looked very nervous if a driver exited his vehicle.
We don’t live there anymore but to this day I’ve never pumped gas.

[OneVike]

Roe vs. Wade?

Are you suggesting that it should be on the list?

Because Roe vs Wade was not a law put in place by any states, it was by fiat of the Supreme Court.

But you do give me an idea for a list of the 25 cruelest and worst laws in the country. Rose vs Wade would be #1 by a very long margin.

[sionnsar]

these rules were actually written down on a piece of paper for a legislature to agree on and pass.

An EXTREMELY low standard to clear, is my observation from watching our state legislature's activities for many years now.

It goes way beyond voting without reading, or even sponsoring without reading, it goes down to the level of writing without thinking.

I've gotten many a bill killed simply by explaining its real effects. In one case the author killed his own bill in his own committee (was was chair) after understanding its rel effects.

[sionnsar]

it seems the Reno is a little weary of self stimulation.

"Weary", hmmm...

[Lurkina.n.Learnin]

U.S. Camel Corps remembered in Quartzsite, Arizona

http://www.outwestnewspaper.com/camels.html

[668 - Neighbor of the Beast]

There are self-serve and full-serve both in PA. Otherwise I’d never drive. (I’m actually the second generation in my family that never pumped gas. But the first that “wouldn’t know how.”)

[BlueNgold]

I like the AZ law that started th discussion - the rest are just amusing.

[668 - Neighbor of the Beast]

Re the camels in Arizona, they were originally govt property. In 1856 or so, a shipment of camels was brought to America to see if they’d be useful in the southwest. Another shipment followed, the year after, IIRC. But then came the Civil War and the beasts never were popular with the indigenous creatures, so they got sold off and eventually disappeared.

[Little Pig]

#24: Maybe to protect the brothel industry?

#22: To stop those darned kids from doing smoky burnouts in ratty Camaros to impress the chicks hanging out there, presumably.

#16: Gang signs maybe?

#11: Because Pinball used to be a form of gambling, IIRC

#7: They wouldn’t have made a law if someone hadn’t done it.

[Publius Valerius]

I have lived in CA, TX, VA, MD and IN. I have driven between them all.

Speedy brand stations in Indiana are semi-full serve. They will pump your gas for $.01 more per gallon. They do not wash windows or check fluids.

In Bloomington, Ind., the Marathon service station on 45/46 near Walnut Street is true full serve. Costs $.50 extra per gallon.

[668 - Neighbor of the Beast]

A person may be jailed in Fargo, North Dakota for wearing a hat while dancing or wearing a hat to an event where dancing is taking place.

Whoa! Gotta stay away from there. Mama often told me NEVER to dance (alone) without one.

[kaylar]

An anti-crime law in Texas requires criminals to give their victims notice, oral or written, 24 hours in advance of the the crime they're planning to commit and the nature of that crime. It seems unlikely that someone who is already planning to break one law would follow this law and actually put pen to paper: "Dear Karen, I'm planning to break into your house and steal your Wii in 24 hours."

Sounds like one of Discworld's thieves' or assassins' guild regulations.

[Publius Valerius]

Swifty. Not Speedy.

[Clemenza]

Ditto New Jersey’s arcane law banning self-serve gas.

[GreenHornet]

It is illegal in 17 states to mistake Helen Thomas for Ernest Borgnine.

[OneVike]

Sounds like one of Discworld's thieves' or assassins' guild regulations.

I love it, unions for thieves.

Only question is who would they picket and where would they plant their butts when they go in strike?

[Tenacious 1]

When I was a kid, I actually pumped gas at Renold’s Amoco for a summer job. I patched tires, changed lightbulbes, replaced wipers, changed oil, etc. back when they were actually service station. I have some great stories from those days.

[HiTech RedNeck]

Couple of decades ago, some stations in New Mexico began to offer the choice. I remember my aunt there saying she hoped her car wouldn’t feel insulted when I pumped its gas for her so she could save a few pennies.

I know of no modern automobile that has the filler neck located behind a tilting license plate, a place where gas attendants could not easily damage something. Probably considered an unacceptable fire hazard now.