Posted on 06/18/2009 9:30:34 AM PDT by Retired Greyhound
Dear Fellow FReepers, moral clarity needed.
My stepson just graduated from college and has moved back home.
Twice now I have woken up to find them both sleeping in his bed.
I don't like it, but my wife doesn't have a huge problem with it, since they have been dating almost a year. However, she says she will back me up on it.
Am I being reasonable? I am planning on nipping it in the bud tonight, but just wanted to run it by my fellow FReepers.
Thank you.
You could tell your stepson that he is treating his girlfriend with utter disrespect. She could get pregnant no matter what birth control she is on. He may have honorable intentions of marrying her “one day” but he doesn’t really love her, because if he really loved her, he would not let any OTHER guy treat her like an unpaid whore (Dr. Laura talk). He’s only OK with using her for sex because it’s HIM. He would not think it was ok for another guy to do this to her.
Tell him you know he’s an adult and they can do what they wish outside your home. But not in your home, and he can’t be trusted to NOT sleep with her if she is sleeping over. So no more sleepovers.
Run it by his mom first. I think it sounds good and respectful to put it as though you don’t approve of the way she’s being treated. Even if she thinks it’s OK, she is too young to realize she is his unpaid whore.
>>[Now I’ll probably catch poo.... too!]<<
Not from me! I’m in total agreement.
I actually had a FReeper tell me how wonderful her 14 (!) year old was with her baby. Nursing and loving that child.
Geez oh pete, that is a baby caring for a baby!
Get the kid a puppy!
Good job. Remember — no sleepovers at your place. They WILL sneak around in the night. So no sleepovers.
And the baby would be paid for by...you?
Any 22 year old who is so outraged that his parents won't let him sleep with his girlfriend in their home, while they are supporting them, that he runs away and never comes back...well, no big loss.
“You need a license”
Love it. My wife always says that.
Had a similar situation with a step child. My wife had the same feelings I do on the issue, but I let her do the “telling” since it was her child.
I hope your step-son finds a good job and an apartment. No young adult wants to live under adolescent rules and strictures in their mind. They simply can’t adjust when they have been away at college for many years. If, living independent, they want to chance their life’s future by ignoring the purpose of marriage and sex, there is little that can be done at this late date.
My folks would not have let me (I was smart enough not to ask), plus it was kind of fun when my Mom was going to re-marry after Dad died to relegate her beau to the couch when they visited. :)
I've spent the last 20 years allowing my children to think that my MIL and her very, very long-term boyfriend are married. With my oldest, it worked until he was about 13 and started asking questions about how we were related to the boyfriend's grandchildren.
My 11 YO hasn't figured it out yet.
It’s your house and your right to call the shots. Tell sonny boy to shape up or ship out. Tough love and all that.
I admire your use of precise, descriptive phrases.
Her should read ‘his’, etc.
Your house, your rules.
I would, but you don’t have to. He should respect your decision. On the other hand, if they choose to stay in a motel near you during their visit, I don’t think you should be upset either, since they are already intimate.
If they must sleep together, I would prefer if they stayed in a hotel.
Under my roof, no way. What they do under their own roof not my business.
Try to tell him without rancor. If he's got it together, he should understand.
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