Posted on 11/22/2008 8:28:25 AM PST by nuconvert
Driving while stupid
BY DAVE BARRY
(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Sept. 22, 2002.)
So I have to tell you what I saw on the interstate the other night.
First, though, you must understand that this was not just any old interstate. This was I-95 in downtown Miami, proud home of the worst darned drivers in the world.
I realize some of you are saying: ``Oh yeah? If you want to see REALLY bad drivers, you should come to MY city!''
Listen, I understand that this is a point of civic honor, and I am sure that the drivers in your city are all homicidal morons. But trust me when I tell you that there is no way they can compete with the team that Miami puts on the road.
I know what I'm talking about. I have driven in every major U.S. city, including Boston, where the motorists all drive as though there is an open drawbridge just ahead, and they need to gain speed so they can jump across it.
(Excerpt) Read more at miamiherald.com ...
pong
Drivers in Jacksonville were pretty nuts too, IMHO.
Virtually all states have laws requiring drivers to pay full time and attention to their driving.
Before demanding new laws to prohibit this type of driving behavior consider lobbying for enforcement of existing laws. The existing laws applies to what is described in the article, putting on make-up, using a cell phone, reading the newspaper, and a myriad of other distractions many of us have observed.
Only if they have Obama/Biden "Change We Can Believe In" bumper stickers.
Houston
Some little known facts about Florida drivers.
They are the only drivers who never use a turn signal except when going over a bridge.
Even if there are no cars behind you they will plow down small children and puppies to pull in front of you and then slow down to 20 miles under the speed limit.
Many believe the car is an extension of their powder rooms. And use that free driving time to shave, put on makeup, curl their hair and iron a blouse.
Many know for a fact that the reverse on the gear shift was put there in case you miss your interstate exit. Using the break down lane to perform such a maneuver is optional.
It is obvious to Florida drivers that the yellow light is someones idea of a practical joke. And the best way to keep this guy in check is to ignore its existence. And even the red light is more of a trivial suggestion than an actual traffic mandate. Obedience depends on one’s mood.
Back when Gallagher was smashing watermelons he had a skit where he said all drivers should be issued “Stupid Sticker” guns and whenever another driver did something stupid, you shot his car with a stupid sticker. When the car displayed a certain number of stickers, the cops had to pull him over a write a ticket for “Driving While Stupid”.
Boston driving is easy to master if you understand the concept of “as long as you don’t make eye contact, you have the right of way.”
Funny article. Vintage Barry.
My observation is that so many people of all walks and ages are so obsessed with this technology that they are missing so much of what is going on with their surroundings, and that this article applies to most areas of daily existence, not just cars. It is foolishness.
Come to the Pacific Northwest and drive through Seattle on I5 at 5pm on a Friday. Good luck! You don’t worry about crazy drivers because nobody moves but at one mile per hour! It can take more than 2 hours to go 30 minutes on an average day in Seattle. WE have the worst traffic and pay the highest gas tax. Welcome to the Evergreen state. haha get it evergreen ever spendin your green b/c of liberals in King County
Been there, done that
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