Bill and stout, thank you both for your thoughts re: my question.
There really is no more to tell about this particular man, Bill. It was a blind date, so, it was our very first meeting.
Unless I choose to, it is unlikely that I will ever run across him again. If I decide not to go out with him, there is no reason to pursue a friendship—I don’t think we made that kind of connection.
Today I thought about what it is that I found off-putting about this man, even though I enjoyed my evening with him.
Likely every woman who reads this will identify with my experience. He was just a little too familiar with me with his eyes. He used his eyes, more than once, like a husband, boyfriend, lover might use his hands (that’s it, Dolly, nothing more explicit—hope I didn’t offend.) That’s pretty clear, isn’t it?
I suppose one such “look” might say to a woman, “I find you very attractive!” But, more than that and most, not all, women would begin to be uncomfortable. He wasn’t lewd; he just crossed an imaginary line that, now, leaves me wondering what would happen on a second or third date. Would I find myself having to fend off this man? From experience, the answer is probably, “yes”.
(I hope the men reading this aren’t rolling their eyes and thinking, “What do women want anyway? Do this and it’s too much; don’t do that and you’re not being clear and straightforward...” aaayyy!)
About telling a little lie, Bill and stout, I believe even the Catholic Church condones “white lies” to deal with touchy social situations... :)
Of course, I could tell a partial truth. Having just been through something very unpleasant, I am not interested in any dating at the moment. It doesn’t address the isssue with him, but there is truth in it!
Before I think about this seriously, here's the answer where I make a joke of it.
Well, for us to tell whether he was going to far, we have to know what temptation he faced. This post begs for a picture. At least, we beg for a picture.
I hope that wasn't too crude a joke. The serious side of it is that from a guy's perspective, there are things that can make guarding our eyes difficult. I was once at a class where one of the lady engineers was wearing a very low-cut top. That wouldn't be a problem, but she also had an unusual name and a thick accent. I could never understand her name when she spoke it. I kept trying to look down to read her name tag, but every time I looked down, I was afraid that she'd think I was looking at her cleavage.
I've occasionally had the same problem with a necklace or a strange design on a shirt. In neither case is the woman wearing anything remotely immodest. It's just that something distracts me and draws my eyes from where they need to be. When I've encountered the situation, I've tried to deal with it by not looking at her at all.
I'm sure that you weren't wearing anything immodest or distracting, and if you perceived his eye movements to be something less innocent than what I've described in my situation, then I believe you. It's unfortunate that things went that way, but I don't see a way of salvaging anything. If he wanted you to call him, I don't see anything wrong with your not calling. If he calls you, I think you'd be fine saying that you don't feel like dating him. I don't think you have to address the issue with him.
Bill
That sounds good enough to me. If he doesn't understand that, he is a problem child anyway.
Most men don't take hints very well and want to hear something directly from the horse's mouth. I know I sure did. He wants to know if it is his "fault." Either you are comfortable telling him that or not. If you don't get pretty specific that you are not interested, he will likely keep up the chase.
Men are in a constant state of confusion about that because on one hand we are always told women find it cute when we keep up the chase and then by others we are told it is creepy. It is hard to tell from one girl to the next what rules we are playing by.
Honestly, IMO it doesn't much matter what you tell him as long as he gets the point that you are not interested and that won't change.