Before I could really suggest a course of action, I'd have to know a great deal more about what your thoughts and feelings are. Maybe the open forum isn't the most appropriate place to discuss anyone's specific situation, but I'll throw out a few thoughts that aren't specific to your situation.
You said that you're hesitant and that something isn't quite clicking. Does that mean that you will definitely be closing the door on this relationship or does it mean that you really need more data? If you have an answer to that question, then you are much closer to knowing what you should do. If you are certain that you don't want a romantic relationship, do you see a chance to have a good friendship?
I have a friend in Houston who was originally introduced to me as a potential match. The lady who introduced us had been three for three recently on matching people who eventually married. We went out a few times and spent a great deal of time talking on the phone. I never really had any chemistry for her, but I see her as a very worthwhile person. She sees me as a worthwhile person, may have had some chemistry at first, but by now, I think she sees that we are better as friends than as romantic partners. We've reached a point where we only talk every couple of months, but we have good conversation when we do talk. There is a real friendship there. The chemistry thing will almost certainly never change, but remaining friends means that if the chemistry did change, we could act on that change.
I never had to tell this young lady anything. We kept talking and doing things together, but I never initiated any of the stuff that would indicate a romantic interest. The relationship just didn't go in that direction. We became friends and not "just friends."
Again, I don't know whether any of this story is helpful to your situation. I've been lucky not to run into any ladies who refused to pick up on the details that indicate where things are. If this guy is going to refuse to pick up details, you're in a different boat. I'd advise against lying, but I don't know what your course of action should be.
Bill
Well said...
Bill and stout, thank you both for your thoughts re: my question.
There really is no more to tell about this particular man, Bill. It was a blind date, so, it was our very first meeting.
Unless I choose to, it is unlikely that I will ever run across him again. If I decide not to go out with him, there is no reason to pursue a friendship—I don’t think we made that kind of connection.
Today I thought about what it is that I found off-putting about this man, even though I enjoyed my evening with him.
Likely every woman who reads this will identify with my experience. He was just a little too familiar with me with his eyes. He used his eyes, more than once, like a husband, boyfriend, lover might use his hands (that’s it, Dolly, nothing more explicit—hope I didn’t offend.) That’s pretty clear, isn’t it?
I suppose one such “look” might say to a woman, “I find you very attractive!” But, more than that and most, not all, women would begin to be uncomfortable. He wasn’t lewd; he just crossed an imaginary line that, now, leaves me wondering what would happen on a second or third date. Would I find myself having to fend off this man? From experience, the answer is probably, “yes”.
(I hope the men reading this aren’t rolling their eyes and thinking, “What do women want anyway? Do this and it’s too much; don’t do that and you’re not being clear and straightforward...” aaayyy!)
About telling a little lie, Bill and stout, I believe even the Catholic Church condones “white lies” to deal with touchy social situations... :)
Of course, I could tell a partial truth. Having just been through something very unpleasant, I am not interested in any dating at the moment. It doesn’t address the isssue with him, but there is truth in it!