Bill you said an awful lot in that post that rings true...likely more for men than women.
I think it is usually men who hear the “let’s be friends” response, so you know better than I how that feels...
On the other hand, women want to say something that they think will minimize the upset for the guy.
Seems that more openness, all the way around, would serve everyone better.
Of course, the chemistry thing can’t be forced. It is there or it isn’t. When it isn’t, no amount of wishing it were so will make it happen. I remember, a long time ago, hanging in there for a year waiting for a particular guy to notice me... thinking that eventually familiarity would breed interest. It didn’t. One more lesson learned. :)
You, and stout, and anyone else who wants to chime in, can tell me what to do.
I had a date last Saturday night. He was a very nice guy; I really did enjoy myself. He asked if he could call me again and I said, “Yes.” Really, at that point, I was unsure whether or not I wanted to see him again. I wasn’t prepared to say, “No, I’m just not interested in pursuing this.”
Next day he called and wanted to get together. I had legitimate reasons not to and, to buy time, I told him I was going out of town (true, at that point...little did I know) He insisted that I agree to call him when I returned. I said I would. Now, he’ll be expecting a call and I really don’t want to call him.
When I’m hesitant like this something isn’t clicking...even tho’ I can’t quite put my finger on it.
What should I say/do? Right now, I am inclined to lie—I hate to admit that but it will make it easier for me if I just make up something...
I meant to ping you to post #116 if you want to comment...
Being upfront doesn’t hurt.
Yeah, it’s a shock and a sting initially. But it’s better than silently backstabbing somebody.
Before I could really suggest a course of action, I'd have to know a great deal more about what your thoughts and feelings are. Maybe the open forum isn't the most appropriate place to discuss anyone's specific situation, but I'll throw out a few thoughts that aren't specific to your situation.
You said that you're hesitant and that something isn't quite clicking. Does that mean that you will definitely be closing the door on this relationship or does it mean that you really need more data? If you have an answer to that question, then you are much closer to knowing what you should do. If you are certain that you don't want a romantic relationship, do you see a chance to have a good friendship?
I have a friend in Houston who was originally introduced to me as a potential match. The lady who introduced us had been three for three recently on matching people who eventually married. We went out a few times and spent a great deal of time talking on the phone. I never really had any chemistry for her, but I see her as a very worthwhile person. She sees me as a worthwhile person, may have had some chemistry at first, but by now, I think she sees that we are better as friends than as romantic partners. We've reached a point where we only talk every couple of months, but we have good conversation when we do talk. There is a real friendship there. The chemistry thing will almost certainly never change, but remaining friends means that if the chemistry did change, we could act on that change.
I never had to tell this young lady anything. We kept talking and doing things together, but I never initiated any of the stuff that would indicate a romantic interest. The relationship just didn't go in that direction. We became friends and not "just friends."
Again, I don't know whether any of this story is helpful to your situation. I've been lucky not to run into any ladies who refused to pick up on the details that indicate where things are. If this guy is going to refuse to pick up details, you're in a different boat. I'd advise against lying, but I don't know what your course of action should be.
Bill