Posted on 01/12/2007 2:48:36 AM PST by sully777
10 worst excuses to miss work
1) As I was walking to work… I was hit by a plane/helicopter.
This sounds so weirdly stupid that it might leave your boss completely speechless. The secret is to sound pretty dramatic or hurt and hang up the phone immediately, though. He/she’ll probably be too astonished to call you back and will just drop it, hoping you will come to work a normal person the next day.
2) I died
If you say this in a very natural voice, something like: ”Hey, I can’t come in today, I died, sorry guys”, I guess your boss will be shocked for at least a little bit, but you should hang up until he’ll start yelling something about bad jokes, then make a friend call and announce with grief the same thing, and explain you killed yourself and left a tape with a message for the company, the message said: ”Hey guys, I died”. The next day you come in you’ll say it was a misunderstanding.
3) My wife will finally have sex with me… and it’s been 7 years.
Everybody will be so embarrassed, for your embarrassment, I don’t think they’ll be able to say much, they’ll feel too sorry for you to be angry, or anything else.
4) My cat had Siamese triplets.
Cats having many kittens is an usual thing, and Siamese are only twins, but it might sound weird enough to convince, at least temporarily.
5) I am having a middle-age crisis… it’s so painful.
You have to make it sound like it’s a horrible disease, very painful, acute, like a kidney crisis or something, and it’s important to talk over your boss and never answer any of his questions, keep rambling chaotically about your suffering.
6) My mom had a baby…She is 55 and it’s been tough, although she’s in pretty good shape.
This will hopefully sound weird enough to make everybody silent. I mean who the hell has a baby at 55? They’ll probably wonder about that, distracted from your missing work for a while.
7) I am running out of time… my time is over.
This is taken from various writings and from a popular series “South Park”, which I highly recommend for the days when you’ll manage to miss work using these excuses. Will it sound too strange for your boss? Maybe, but if you make it tragic enough, he might think you’ve lost it completely and just wait to talk to you the next day.
8)Kenny died.
This is another character from South Park, he dies every episode and so you won’t lie about something as serious as death, plus you don’t have to explain who he is, because if you say a name full of confidence and in a familiar way, nobody asks questions, especially if it’s about death.
9) I witnessed a pocket robbery and I’m going in to testify.
It’s very stupid to testify for a pocket robbery, but if you’re talking about the police, testimonials and so on, nobody will be very interested to find out more, probably.
10) I ran out of clean underwear.
This is again so embarrassing that nobody will probably care to comment upon it. I mean what could they say: ”I’ll lend you some of mine” or “Just come without, what’s the big deal”? I mean it’s just another subject people don’t really care to comment upon. You can also add: ”I’m doing some serious washing and promise I’ll have clean underwear for a month, and of course change it every day.”
(Source http://news.softpedia.com/news/10-worst-excuses-to-miss-work-21906.shtml) By Ana Constantinescu
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
If you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler.
He who makes false teeth is an indentured labourer.
Lumber companies have many board meetings.
When the window-shade specialist got married, his bride was also a maid of awner.
I am suffering from anal blindness...I can't see my @$$ coming to work.
Happy Friday All!
I gotta ask what a "pocket robbery" is.
Where you going, Nuke??
LOL!
My favorite line from that movie!
I once worked at a large company years ago.
There was one guy who was out every Friday (or Monday) or was late OFTEN. He always had some elaborate story as an excuse. It became quite hilarious. He acutally thought people believed him. One of his stories involved pulling crash victims from a burning car!
The news here in my part of Texas showed dump trucks being loaded with crushed granite last night in prep for the freeze. There I sat in shorts and a T-shirt thinking, dang this is serious stuff! I wonder if they're going to get it right this time? High today is supposed to be in the 70's before the big drop comes.
I should have come up with a good excuse today.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.