Posted on 06/22/2006 9:56:25 PM PDT by sully777
Looks more like glory hole-istic medicine.
Yeah we did! (Sapupla, that is) 4 inches of rain in thirty minutes.
SECRETS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
Just leave it and come over without anything.
kein aber könnte ;)
I dunno.. is there such thing as a cold wank? ;)
temperatures are climbing in here all of a sudden!
Danke geehrter Herr, können ich andere haben?
Quick! Get the hose! :)
Woman was nagging and telling man not to drink beer and play golf.
Man told woman to shut the hell up.
the end
WANTED:
Good looking woman who can wash clothes, clean house, cook and clean fish.
Must have boat and motor.
Please send picture of boat and motor.
THE DATING GAME
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules
when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will
help you to understand just how it works.
Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't
get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the
way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party.....0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat
with a College drinking buddy.....-2
Named Tiffany.....-4
Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
With breast implants.....-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.....0
You buy a card and flowers.....0
You take her out to dinner.....0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team ...-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal.....0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-7
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop III.....-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of
it.....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100
Any other response.....-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying
"well, what do you think I should do?".....-100
You have fallen asleep.....-200
ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.....-100
You don't talk.....-150
You spend time with her......-200
You don't spend time with her.....-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000
GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!!!
-If you win:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.....0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.... -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
In the snow.....+8
But return with beer.....-5
And no liners.....-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
It's her cat.....-40
LOSER!
should I not be laughing at that?
Happens to me all the time!!
heehee
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?" asks the pharmacist.
"YES!", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container... "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM!"
____
There was an attractive blond on the elevator when an attractive man got on. They went up a couple of floors and the man didn't say anything so the blond thought she would initiate a conversation. She said to the man:
T G I F
The man turned and looked at her and said:
S H I T
The blond was taken aback a little but thought maybe the man didn't understand, so she repeated:
T G I F
The Man once again replied:
S H I T
Well the blond was insulted:
She asked the man if he didn't understand that TGIF stood for Thank God It's Friday.
The man replied:
Sorry Honey It's Thursday
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