Posted on 02/17/2006 5:00:51 AM PST by Xenophobic Alien
Happy Friday Everyone!
Universal laws:
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Woo hoo...Da Judge took today off, and therefore so did his herd!
Obedient Wife
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of hismoney, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife
with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket..Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a Christian and I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
You mean to tell me you did put that money in the casket with him!!!!?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
Soooo true,
and it has a corollary....
Law of Contagions: The voracity of the itch on your nose or eyes is directly proportional to odds that you just shook hands with someone with the flu.
Larry's Corollary to the Law of Coffee: All red lights are always 120 seconds or longer, unless you're trying to add cream to your McDonald's coffee, and then they ALL turn green just as you arrive. (To defeat this second law of coffee, drink it black, or mix it as you leave the drive-thru and ignore the honking horns behind you).
In sometime after the ping!
Friday gets here pretty fast sometimes. Our temps dropped 36 degrees overnight. And there's snow on the way.
Otherwise known as the Democratic Motto?
HA!
It's 6 degrees here and been snowing for 2 days now..
In before 50 Yeah!
We would be completely shut down if that happened here. Our schools close for dustings, mostly because we get more ice than snow.
Relatives of yours, Bender2?
Happy Friday All!
It's been a great week here - my son was accepted at West Point!!!!!!
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