Happy Freaky Friday!!!!
Posted on 10/28/2005 7:10:26 AM PDT by BJClinton
Funny thing happened on the way to the office...okay, not really funny, but upon entering my office I was smacked in the face with the overwhelming smell of propane (insert Hank Hill joke). Our office shares the same building with a restaraunt (source of the propane leak) and a veteranarian's office, so I've spent the last few hours evacuating cats, dogs and some kinda lizard from the vet and trying to convince English-challenged kitchen staff to evacuate. But that's over, I'm back at home and it's time for a beer. Oh, and the OFST ping list is on a 'puter surrounded by explosive gas so if y'all could ping some of the usual suspects...
So we can no longer view removed posts. JUST DAMN!!
That is correct.
And seconded.
It was quite useful on the zot threads, especially when the zotted troll came back for more abuse.
An elderly lady complains to the M.D. that she passes gas many times a day. "It's really more of a nuisance than a problem," she explains, "They're silent and they don't smell." The M.D. gives her a prescription and tells her to come back in a week.
She returns and says, "I don't know what it was you gave me, doc, but I still pass gas all the time, it is still silent, but it smells terribly!"
The M.D. replies, "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, we'll see what we can do for your hearing."
I worked in the M&M's factory for a while. They have a room with everything made by M&M mars. Including Dove Ice Cream Bars. You can eat anything from there for free during your breaks. You just cannot take the stuff off grounds.
I'm not telling Mrs. RB that and I aint movin to Jersey even if your there. nope not gonna do it.
I'd be so fat I wouldn't be able to get out the door, and to top it off, I'd be one big zit!!!
TMC - Too Much Chocolate!!!
Hackettstown, NJ is the original factory. They make the plain and peanut M&M's there. I think Snickers are made in Cleveland or Cincinnati, but don't quote me.
Stop it.................................................................................................................................. again
lol
TRAVELING A-WHEEL has become so common among all classes and all grades of society that a chapter devoted to ETIQUETTE FOR CYCLERS will not be amiss in a work of this character. Indeed, in these days, no book on the art of behavior would be complete without such a chapter.
Half the world is now on wheels, while the other half is about equally divided between those who would like to cycle but have not the physical courage and those who consider a "bike" a pet device of his Satanic Majesty and are directly opposed to its use as a means of recreation or to serve the purpose of economy.
CONCERNING THE COSTUME of gentlemen, we shall have little to say, but are glad to be able to record that the determined effort which has been made on the part of many to make bloomers the most popular of cycling costumes for ladies has signally failed. Indeed, nothing so ugly or inartistic could long be popular. There are always some ladies who adopt everything novel whether from a desire to appear conspicuous or otherwise; but the woman who would appear graceful either a-wheel or a-foot will never appear in bloomers unless they be partially concealed by a short skirt. Women have for generations been so accustomed to skirts that it is impossible for then to acquire grace of motion without them.
Anyone moves much more gracefully when the motion of the upper part of the limbs is concealed; even men presenting a much more graceful appearance in skirted coats than in the sack or blouse which is adopted for business wear.
The hair should (if the cycler be an elderly lady ) be firmly coiled on the top of the head and thoroughly secured with hairpins or comb. If the rider is a young lady it may be worn in a loose braid.
Youth's Educator for Home and Society, 1896.
I ate the Starbursts and skittles though.
NEW WORDS:
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
18. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an ***hole.
Great advice ;)
Good Morning Fierce! :)
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of
a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts
searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a
grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven,
1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth
Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves
the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has
changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the
previous piece, it is being played backward.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they
return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again
backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being
played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the
9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has
gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the
Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for
the music.
"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's
just decomposing!"
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