As a wedding gift from ecurbh's family, we were given a gift certificate and promise for paid lodging for this: FamilyLife Conferences: Weekend to Remember (R).
Click up and read through it, and tell me if you can picture either me or ecurbh in one of these sessions: Conference Schedule.
Honestly, I dread it. I know that many of you are this churchy, but we just simply aren't. It sounds dreadful to me, and I think to ecurbh too. There is an element of guilt about feeling that way, it's not because we don't want to spend the time together bettering our relationship, it's that we'd be so much better almost anywhere else.
They paid the registration already. They will pay lodging if we go. We just feel it is such a waste. It is so much work for us to arrange animal care for a weekend we can't see wasting our one trip we'll muster in a year this way. If they were to pay for a weekend trip for us, we'd rather accept a trip down there to see them again than this. Or a weekend riding at some great horse hotel with trails.
For us, and our lives and who we are, it's a really back-handed present. ecurbh said "Why couldn't they have gotten us a normal present, like a power tool or a kitchen appliance, instead of some elaborate ruse to bring us back into the fold?"
They would probably refund the money to his parents.... but this is a mine field in terms of our relationship to his parents. ecurbh will ~never~ outright tell them we don't want to go. I know this. When they've asked, we've just said the dates and locations have not been really workable yet. But we are at deadline now... we have to register by Aug 31.
What are our ethical duties here? Must we go? And try to get the most out of what they intended to give us? Or can we decide that it would cause us headache and hassle, and extreme stress that we'll be put on the spot in discussions like they hold. Can we just say "NO"? Would any of you folk like to go, and just pretend to be us?
So there's that.
I think you can easily say that it's just not feasible what with the horses and with Ecurb's job situation and thank you very much, but you won't be able to make it.
If it's anything to you, I'm one of those churchy types that don't like these kinds of things either! LOL!
Is there any way you can go and get the lodging and then just not show up for any of the workshops?
I'd buy tickets to see you two there. ;-)
Quite frankly, being amongst the "churchiest" here, I'd say tell 'em thanks, but no thanks. Wife and I did a marriage retreat years ago, but it was nothing this formal, nothing this programmed. We wouldn't choose to go to something like this. We'd rather have a weekend to sit on the beach and stare at the waves. Does wonders for our relationship. ;-)
I really hate this type of programming. At our previous church we went through a "Growing Kids God's Way" class. [shudder] It was a series of videos. I gave up completely when the teacher said his daughter's had ~never~ lied to him. Please.
Most of the folks who run this type of thing mean well. Most of them also do not live in the real world.
But I digress.
You're right. This is a back-handed present to get you two back into the fold. And, IMHO, it's precisely this type of back-handed gift that has driven people ~away~ from church.
Now, here's where it gets tricksey.
I don't think you're obligated to used the certificate or to go to the conference. And I don't think you should go and pretend to the family that you enjoyed it or benefited from it.
BUT,
If you ~don't~, I DO think you're obligated to return the certificate and tell his family why.
If you don't, they're likely to get you another one.
call me crazy, but I say go... you just might learn something, and grow closer as a couple... you have nothing to lose... it'll clear your conscience, and get his folks off'n yer back...
that said, if'n you don't go, I'll still respect yuh...
You are in a unique situation in that it is truly difficult to get away, so you do like to use those special times for something that will help you as a couple they way YOU see fit.
SirKit and I once attended a Marriage Encounter Weekend, and we decided that it just was too touchy feely for us. We were not comfortable 'sharing' with a bunch of strangers. This wasn't because it was too religious because we are religious people, we just didn't like the whole group dynamic thing. Gatherings like that just aren't for everyone.
Just my humble opinion of course. ;o)
Jeanne and I are fine, as I'm sure you gathered, since the storm, while real, was minor in terms of hurricanes the day it hit this area.
Elec is now back, plus the fax, but not the regular phone. There're huge numbers of homes to restore power to, but I think it'll be easier than it could, since the infrastructure is not too badly wrecked.
We live on a rocky ridge, insofar as Miami has such things, so flooding was not a problem, even with the 15 inches of rain. Personal damage, hardly any, lots and lots of small branches down, quite a cleanup and less shade, but that'll soon be restored.
Many trees down in the neighborhood, and quite a bit of flooding in low lying areas, but that's about it.
Prayers for the people on the Gulf coast.
Guys, the weekend wedding gift is, I'm sure, well meant. But somewhat manipulative, IMO, which is not that cool for a gift. In fact, it begs the question of who is this gift really for? Good luck in whatever you decide, though :-D