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http://www.frontiernet.net/~cdm/agetv.html
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap , the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close! enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Moral of this story..
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bull and brilliance only come with age and experience!
A Louisiana State Trooper pulled a car over on US 165 about 2 miles south
of the Louisiana/Arkansas State line. When the Trooper asked the driver why
he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on
his way to Monroe to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be
late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and asked if the
driver would do a little juggling for him; then he wouldn't give him a
ticket.
He told the Trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have
anything to juggle.
The Trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could
juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the Trooper got 3 flares, lit them and handed
them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a
drunken good old boy, from Arkansas, got out, watched the performance, then
went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
TheTrooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door
asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail 'cause there's no way
I can pass that test."
OVER 600 POSTS!!!! I'll never catch up. Ah phooey.
So, there were these two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Man, it's hot in here." The other muffin turns and says, "Oh my God, a talking muffin!"
-Eric
A guy was driving around and he saw a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale."
He rang the bell, and the owner told him the dog was in the backyard. He went into the backyard and saw a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asked.
"Yep," the Lab replied.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looked up and said, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy was amazed. He went back in and asked the owner what he wanted for the dog.
"Ten dollars." The owner said,
"This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
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