Posted on 06/10/2005 6:01:56 AM PDT by Fierce Allegiance
LOL!!!
Now, the apology is accepted........
If you slice them thin enough, they're not bad...
Ah yeah i can speel to..........not
One I actuallly used:
Has difficulty when faced with situations that require abstract thought and deductive reasoning. Supervision brings immediate improvment, but regresses to past behavior when left unsupervised
Replying to an Invitation to a Scientists' Ball:
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Volta was electrified and Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.
Ampere was worried he wasn't up on current research.
Ohm resisted the idea at first.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
Dr Jekyll declined - he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash."
Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it.
Hertz said he planned the future to attend with greater frequency.
Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.
Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved.
Mendel was invited because he was a man of breeding.
Newton was moved to attend.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
As long as I am not put in charge all will be fine!!
The second one said, "I like to operate on secretaries. Everything is neatly labelled so it's easy to find."
The third said, "I like to operate on architects."
"Architects?" the others asked. "Why architects?"
"Because all they have is a mouth and a rectum, and they're interchangeable."
OK, so it used to be Democrats. I modified it in honor of present company.
Shalom.
Caution!
999,000 ohms
Shalom.
Not even the Smokey Backroom could handle that.
A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leaned over to the Engineer and asked if he wanted to play a fun game. The Engineer just wanted to sleep so he politely declined, turned away and tried to sleep. The Programmer persisted and explained that it was a real easy game. He explained, "I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay. If you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50!" Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.
Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep.
The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well what's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep.
All over the place in the midwest, east and south now. Used to be just an Illinois joint.
Jim Rob would be very, very mad.
A man and a woman are talking in a bar. They are having a wonderfully stimulating conversation, and the woman really likes the guy. She says to herself "Wow this guy is great. He is sensitive, yet manly. Intelligent but humble. Plus he is incredibly attractive." Later, as the bar is closing up, the man asks the woman if he wants to go to his house to hang out and drink some more. She says she would like that and they go to his house. When they get there he shows her around and in his bedroom is a great big shelf unit with teddy bears all over it. There are small/cheap teddy bears on the bottom and they increase in size and expense as you get to the top shelf. The woman is thinking "Wow look how sensitive this guy must be - he has a shelf full of teddy bears. I think I am in love." AS the night goes on and they talk they end up having sex and she sleeps over in his bedroom. The next morning she says to him "Wow, that was great. How was it for you?" The man turns to her and says "You can take one from the second shelf and down."
Not even the Smokey Back room could handle that...
It could be named the 3D Theatre.
Hey, I'd have to stop in at sears to compare prices on DeWalt 18v cordless hammerdrills.
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