Just damn.
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Posted on 10/25/2004 9:05:43 PM PDT by mhking
DEMOCRAT You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it.It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You can’t milk them because you can’t touch the cows’ private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
Just damn.
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LOL!!!!!
The Modern Little Red Hen
Condensed from Nation’s Business July 1970
Once upon a time there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered some grains of wheat. She called her neighbors and said, “If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?”
“Not I, “ said the cow.
“Not I, “ said the duck.
“Not I, “ said the pig.
“Not I, “ said the goose.
“Then I will,” said the little red hen, and she did. The wheat grew tall and ripened into golden grain.
“Who will help me reap my wheat”, asked the little red hen.
“Not I,” said the duck.
“Out of my classification,” said the pig.
“I’d lose my seniority,” said the cow.
“I’d lose my unemployment benefits,” said the goose.
“Then I will,” said the little red hen, and she did.
At last, it came time to bake the bread. “Who will help me bake the bread?” asked the little red hen.
“That would be overtime for me,” said the cow.
“I’d lose my welfare benefits,” said the duck.
“I’m a dropout and never learned how,” said the pig.
“If I’m to be the only helper, that’s discrimination,” said the goose.
“Then I will,” said the little red hen. She baked five loaves and held them up for her neighbors to see.
The all wanted some – in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, “No, I can eat the five loaves myself.”
“Excess profits!” yelled the cow.
“Capitalist leech!” cried the duck.
“I demand equal rights!” shouted the goose.
The pig just grunted.
Then they hurriedly painted “unfair” picket signs and marched around, shouting obscenities.
The government agent came and said to the little red hen, “You must not be greedy.”
“But I earned the bread,” said the little red hen.
“Exactly,” agreed the agent. “That is the wonderful free-enterprise system. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But, under government regulations, the productive workers must divide their product with the idle.”
And they lived happily ever after. But the little red hen’s neighbors wondered why she never again baked bread.
ping and a bump. I can't breath I am laughing so hard.
Hillary Dairy Care: You force American dairy producers to sell their milk to the government at below market rates (for the children). Then act outraged at Bush because the government has to buy milk from overseas because all the American farms decide they would rather raise beef cattle.
There's an awful lot of bull mixed in there.
This is hysterical! Sometimes simple illustrations say it all.
I kind of liked the Italian corporation!!
BILL CLINTON CORPORATION: You have one cow. Her name is Hillary. You don't like her very much, so you get another one named Monica.
ROTFLMAO!!!
OH that's mean...correct but mean!!!!LOL
REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor wants a cow. You train your neighbor to milk your cows. You see a beautifull woman. You break for lunch. Your neighbor earns enough money to buy two cows. Life is good...
cute, but not really worth putting in News topic
That is priceless! Thank you for posting it. Copying and pasting now...
The Original Version..
The ant busts his ass in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
The New Liberal Version...
It starts out the same but when winter comes the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up and show pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be, in a country of such wealth that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on Night Line and charges the ant with "Green Bias" and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when he sings "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS evening news and tell a concerned Dan Rather That they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the summer, or as Bill refers to it, the "Temperatures Of The 80's".
Finally the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act" RECTRO-ACTIVE to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and having nothing left to pay his Retro-Active taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he's in....which just happens to be the ant's old house.... crumbles around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV; which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, Bill Clinton is standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of "Fairness" has dawned in America.
THE END
Author Jim Quinn, www.Warroom.com.
John Kerry Dairy Collective:
Spend years plannng on how you will acquire a good cow. You attend the best dairy schools, and even forego your own farming plans by teaching new dairy techniques to natives in another country who are fighting against dairy techniques being forced on them by another group. You decide that the other group has better methods and even secretly meet with them.
You find a cow who, in the eyes of most farmers, has much to offer. Good milk output and a good deal of land available. However, after maximizing the amount of land you can gain from this cow, you sell the cow looking for a better bargain. You join the dairy farmers co-op where, for 20 years, you acccomplish nothing. Luck is with you and you buy a new cow (a foreign hybrid) with 100 times the milk output and a huge spread of land. The cow is erratic in its output and temperment but, being dependent upon this cow for your livelihood, you're stuck. You hope to become president of the co-op but, with your erratic cow and poor (and often non-existent) track record on farming matters, you'll soon be (hopefully) back on the farm right down the road from the Gore spread.
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