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Rubio Deports Child Rapist [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 July 2026 | John Semmens

Posted on 07/12/2026 10:52:41 AM PDT by John Semmens

In 2006, Tue Lue Vang was convicted for repeatedly raping a 10-year-old girl over a two-year period. The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) was set to deport him to Laos when Gov. Tim Walz (D-Minn) decided to pardon him, hoping this would allow Vang to stay in the US. Walz explained "where Mr Vang grew up it was customary for older men to marry and have sex with girls as young as 12. Admittedly, the girl he had sex with was under this age, but a mere two-year discrepancy isn't enough to justify expelling him from the country. He hasn't been convicted of raping any juveniles since he took a plea deal to avoid being sent to prison. In fact, he has become a critical member of the Minnesota community."

Secretary of State Marco Rubio intervened, saying "this dubious pardon doesn't prevent the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) from removing Mr. Vang from our country. I have used my authority as Secretary of State to terminate his legal status for remaining here. DHS has deported him."

Walz called Rubio's action "unprecedented and cruel. My pardon was authorized by the Minnesota Clemency Review Commission, state Attorney General Keith Ellison, and the Minnesota Board of Pardons. What makes Rubio think he is a better judge of the character of this individual than we are? Thankfully, two other Loatians, one convicted for armed robbery and the other for assault that we pardoned back in May are still in the country."

Rubio thanked Walz "for the tip on these two other foreign criminals. I'll see what I and DHS can do to remove them from our country."

In related news, the Trump Administration's more aggressive stance against crime is producing results. In the first year of Trump's second term, FBI arrests for 2025 increased by 184% compared to the last year of Biden's term. In Washington DC, Biden's US Attorney prosecuted only 33% of persons arrested. Trump's US Attorney Jeanine Pirro has prosecuted 96% of persons arrested. President Trump predicted that "the get-out-of-jail-free policies of the Democrats that emboldened criminals are being supplanted by punitive measures that are deterring crime. Fewer people are being victimized. Lives are being saved. More bad guys are going to prison."


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics; Travel
KEYWORDS: prosecution; satire; trump; walz

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1 posted on 07/12/2026 10:52:41 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

I MAINTAIN THAT WHEN MORE MALE JUDGES & POLITICIANS ARE RAPED THIS WILL ALL CHANGE DIRECTION


2 posted on 07/12/2026 11:27:09 AM PDT by ridesthemiles (not giving up on TRUMP---EVER)
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To: John Semmens

What does it say about people that would vote an absolute moron like Walz?


3 posted on 07/12/2026 11:34:43 AM PDT by V_TWIN (America....so great even the people that hate it won't leave!)
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To: V_TWIN

Over 100 thousand skinnies. They all vote the same way. And they tip the scale against the farmers and hard working people of Minnesota. It’s a stacked deck.


4 posted on 07/12/2026 1:42:53 PM PDT by Migraine
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To: V_TWIN

It tells them this.....at least have the forethought & decency not to make the same mistake twice.


5 posted on 07/12/2026 3:45:14 PM PDT by oldtech (oltech)
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