Posted on 11/12/2024 12:55:40 PM PST by DFG
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a statement intended to assuage the fears of Democratic voters throughout the state, Governor Gavin Newsom assured Californians that they would be kept safe from all of the Trump administration's prosperity, safety, and lower prices.
California residents who had fallen into despair following Trump's victory were relieved to hear that Governor Newsom would be doing everything in his power to shield them from the restoration of hope and happiness offered by Trump's return to the White House.
"Trump's message of peace, success, and security has no power here," Newsom said in a defiant announcement this morning. "I want to assure all Californians that despite Trump being re-elected, they will never have to live in fear that they will be subjected to lower crime rates, affordable groceries, and reduced risk of global thermonuclear war. That type of bright future and hope for a better tomorrow has no place in California."
Residents of the Golden State expressed thankfulness for Newsom steadfastly standing guard to protect everything that makes California what it is. "We're so grateful for his protection," said Silvica Vlad. "If it weren't for Governor Newsom's strength and determination, the day might come when we could leave our homes without paying exorbitant gas prices, being violently assaulted by criminals, or stepping in piles of homeless people's poo. God bless you, Gavin Newsom."
At publishing time, the governor's office had announced Newsom's plan to declare California a sanctuary state for high taxes, inflation, child mutilation, and unrestrained violent crime.
How is this satire?
LOL!
The fact that it’s mostly true is what makes satire work.
a far more accurate report than anything in the corporate mass media today
Gavin Newsom’s boot will stay firmly on Californian’s necks
I say, “If you like your high rate of inflation, you should get to keep your high rate of inflation.”
Maybe Kalifornia needs its own version of the Dollar - the Peso?
LOL
Hey, the Bee is just telling the truth for once.
In reality, it isn’t.
:-) !!
Gruesome Newsom. The piece of dried meat with two eyes.
He’s an idiot. Most of them don’t want those things anyway.
Gavin may well need to start thinking of a new line of work soon. Maybe head a university? Think Tank or Congressman? You aint goin’ to be president—No Dimmycrat will for a good long while. Maybe after Baron Trumps two terms in the 2060s.
Newsom is smoking stuff again.
Bet on Newscum to double down on stupid.
The Babylon Bee is now my preferred news source.
It’s consistently more accurate than anything on CNN, Fox, MSNBC, or published by the NYT’s!
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