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Measuring Crime [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 August 2024 | John Semmens

Posted on 08/19/2024 12:02:57 PM PDT by John Semmens

Democrats contend that crime rose while Trump was president and fell after Biden took office. Republicans contend that crime fell when Trump was president and rose after Biden took office.

Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg cited FBI statistics, saying "if you look this up at home, you will know that crime went down under Biden and crime went up under Trump." Democrat nominee for vice-president Gov. Tim Walz asserted "make no mistake, violent crime was up under Donald Trump."

The Bureau of Justice Statistics' National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS) asks a yearly sample of 240,000 people whether they have been victims of crime. Up until recently, the both the FBI's data on crimes reported to the police and the crimes reported in the NCVS tracked each other fairly closely. While Trump was president the FBI data showed crime decreasing by 1%. The NCVS data showed crime decreasing by 17%. Over the past few years, though, they have diverged with the FBI data showing a modest 4% decline in crime since Biden took office and the NCVS data showing a 43% increase.

Buttigieg insisted that "the issue is one of credibility. When it comes to integrity and honesty there is no more reliable source of data on crime than the FBI. All of America knows and respects the heroic efforts of this great organization to uphold the laws of this country and putting their lives on the line to ensure that justice prevails. The NCVS is just a survey subject to the types of errors common to survey research. We see that in every survey of voter opinions where the results are typically plus or minus a few percent."

Elon Musk offered a different explanation, saying "the 'soft-on-crime' attitude--defunding police, no bail release of arrested suspects, and abuse of prosecutorial discretion--of the progressive Democrats has simultaneously encouraged criminals to dare to commit crimes and discouraged victims to report crimes to the police. It has gotten to the point where people aren't even bothering reporting crime because they don't think anything good is going to happen if they do. People know that they are less safe now than they were four years ago. Democrat policies offer nothing that will make our streets, businesses and homes any safer."

In related news, the FBI has thoroughly scrubbed the scene of the July 13 attempted assassination of Trump. The assassin's blood was washed off the roof. His body was released and cremated. His autopsy report has yet to be released. The FBI refuted allegations that they are interfering with Congress' investigation of the incident, saying "we are merely following standard procedures for what remains an open investigation. When we close this case we will release any evidence we deem suitable for public disclosure. Until then we advise everyone to calm down and be patient."

Meanwhile, members of the Secret Service team providing security for a Kamala Harris fund raising campaign event broke into a Massachusetts hair salon so they could have access to private bathroom facilities. According to Alicia Powers, owner of the salon, "they picked the lock, went in and out multiple times over an hour-and-a-half, snacked on the candy by the reception desk intended for salon customers, and when they were done, left the doors unlocked." At first, Secret Service spokesperson Melissa McKenzie insisted that "we would never do something like that." Later when the shop owner said she had them on video tape, the head of the Secret Service's Boston field office called her to apologize, but also pointed out that "considering the fact that each Secret Service agent is expected to take a bullet for the person they are protecting they deserve better accommodations than the disgusting porta-potty rentals provided at the Harris event. So, I can't really blame the agents for opting to go elsewhere."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,539695.0.html


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: fbi; postandrun; satire; selfpromotion; softoncrime; victims

1 posted on 08/19/2024 12:02:57 PM PDT by John Semmens
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