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Otherhood: No Matter How Much They Achieve, 'Childless Cat Ladies' Can't Escape Bias
Chief ^ | August 1, 2024 | Meghan Rabbitt

Posted on 08/05/2024 7:49:28 PM PDT by DoodleBob

When you choose to live life without kids, you hear it all — from "Oh, you’ll change your mind!" to "Wow, life must be so easy for you," as if an existence without littles is all last-minute vacations to the Caribbean and a seamless work-life balance. While that’s not a true picture of the PANK (professional aunt, no kids) life — a term coined by bestselling author Melanie Notkin in 2008 — a child-free status is still considered unconventional, despite its rise in popularity.

Case in point: In a resurfaced interview with former Fox News host Tucker Carlson, Republican Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance claimed that leaders of the Democratic Party like Vice President Kamala Harris, don’t have a “direct stake” in the country, describing them as, “a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable too.”

For many, the comments were a painful reminder that no matter how much you achieve at work and in the world, your worth as a woman is still defined by your reproductive status.

In the last U.S. census taken in 2020, nearly 50% of American women under 45 were child-free, and it’s almost certain that group has grown whether by choice or due to health circumstances. In 2023, the U.S. fertility rate dropped to the lowest level since the U.S. began tracking birth rate data in 1979. And the share of U.S. adults younger than 50 without children who say they are unlikely to ever have kids rose 10 percentage points between 2018 and 2023 (from 37% to 47%).

Yet despite the fact that there are more women than ever before opting out of motherhood, the conversation around supporting women, especially those in the workforce, still tends to focus on mothers — a phenomenon that’s understandable given America’s comparably poor paid family leave and childcare policies.

Executive Robyn Dutra gets it. As a creative director and consultant with leadership experience at Estee Lauder Companies and Unilever, she has seen how hard it can be for moms to balance work with family obligations. "I’m deeply supportive of what they’re going through and will fight to the finish to get them the added support they need," says Dutra. "But I’d like to get to a place where an eyebrow isn’t raised if you say you’ve never wanted to have kids. I’d like to get to a place where we’re supporting women and recognizing that family comes in all shapes and sizes — and doesn’t have to mean children."

This is one of the reasons Emmy award-winning TV producer and media consultant Paula Rizzo started Othership at Chief, a group for members who are not moms either by choice or by circumstance. The group's name can be linked to research done by Notkin, who authored the 2014 book, "OTHERHOOD: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness."

Rizzo, an author of two books, is happily child-free. She and her husband tried to get pregnant a few years ago, but after her second miscarriage, she realized that life without having kids could be deeply satisfying. "I’ll never forget the doctor staring at me after giving me the news that I’d miscarried again, searching for the devastation, waiting for me to burst into tears," says Rizzo. "But I didn’t have that reaction. My husband and I were like, 'OK, let’s see what’s next instead!'"

The decision felt freeing, if a little isolating. The Othership group, which now has 200 members and is growing, is an antidote to that isolation. They meet virtually once a month to talk about some of the issues facing non-moms who work — everything from how friendships change when women have kids to what legacy means for those who choose not to procreate.

Is There a Cost of Being Child-Free?

As any woman who’s on the otherhood track will tell you, there are a certain set of issues that can surface when you deviate from the norm. For instance, one 2017 study published in the journal Sex Roles found that married-with-kids couples felt emotions ranging from disapproval and annoyance to outrage, anger, and even disgust toward married-without-kids couples. Other research has been consistent with this study, finding the voluntarily child-free are often perceived as less fulfilled and even elicit moral outrage. (Just ask JD Vance.)

Those who don’t see parenthood as a moral or biological imperative may still face issues at the office, from both a workload and benefits perspective. Occupational therapist and host of "not a momma life" podcast, Raphie Wagner has worked countless Saturdays and holidays covering for her colleagues who are parents and want to be at soccer games or watch kids open presents on Christmas morning. "All too often it’s those of us who are kid-free who get stuck with the crappy schedules," she says. "And worse, it’s just assumed we’ll work those hours."

Ushering in a New Era of What Family Means

Both Rizzo and Dutra are hopeful that more companies will start to recognize the specific set of issues and, yes, even challenges those who choose the child-free path may face. Cassandra Rose, Senior Director of Human Resources at ClearPoint Health, advocates for women who are on the path of otherhood to make the most of their employee benefits. "The only time you might have to step away from your responsibilities at work isn’t when a baby comes into your life," she says. "I tell women without kids to go to their HR department and ask for more inclusive care policies. Too often, when we take time off, we have to use up our sick and vacation days. There should be another bank of time that accounts for leave you might need to take as a caregiver."

While some larger corporations are starting to employ this policy, if your company isn’t on board with progressive approaches, don’t be afraid to ask. It’s also important to push back if you’re being asked to do more work because you don’t have kids, she adds. "Don’t just take one for the team if you’re not willing to do it," she says. "And if you are willing to do more, document it — and then advocate for yourself when it comes time for promotions, pay increases, and bonuses."

Rose also wants child-free women to feel empowered to use "no" as a complete sentence, and to not let societal norms dictate the boundaries you set for yourself. "I urge women not to let society tell you what’s an acceptable reason to leave work," says Rose. "If you have a need to leave work at 5 p.m. so you can go to the gym, that’s acceptable — and you don’t need to defend your reasoning to others. Defend your choice to yourself, and trust that everything else will fall into place."

Dutra is hopeful that the needle is moving in the right direction. "When it comes to supporting women, we have to recognize that family doesn’t have to mean children," she says. "If we’re truly going to support women, we need to recognize it’s all about choice. What family means is for women to define — or defy."

*Editor's Note: This story was originally published June 2021.


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: box; catladies; chardonnay; oldmaids; otherhood; spinsters; wine
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To: Farmerbob

So let’s just ignore all single men or women. Brilliant...that’s the way to get votes


21 posted on 08/05/2024 8:23:08 PM PDT by Recovering Ex-hippie (RINO going along to get along with)
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To: DoodleBob

Childless cat ladies are one of the democrats’ most reliable voting blocks. When women get married and have children they tend to vote Republican.

It freaks liberals out to hear that, but it is a simple, easily proven, demographic fact.


22 posted on 08/05/2024 8:27:34 PM PDT by Bubba_Leroy ( Dementia Joe is Not My President)
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To: Yogafist

An old chief engineer described a test to see if you were irreplaceable on a ship. Stick your hand in a bucket of water and then pull it out. If the water flows back in to where your hand was you are replaceable.


23 posted on 08/05/2024 8:30:31 PM PDT by Cold Heart
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To: DoodleBob

Guess Joan of Arc and Queen Elizabeth I of England were “unpatriotic” - didn’t care about the next generation. Have to check out Boadicea.


24 posted on 08/05/2024 8:32:36 PM PDT by RAldrich
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To: DoodleBob

Too much Hollywood and Madison Avenue putting out unrealistic views of women.

It used to be that a guy married a girl from the family four farms down.

Somehow, our country really took off under that model.

Hollywood and Madison Avenue have really hurt women.


25 posted on 08/05/2024 8:34:01 PM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer” )
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To: DoodleBob

Notkin. Notkin. Not having kin.


26 posted on 08/05/2024 8:37:57 PM PDT by Trumpisourlastchance
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To: DoodleBob

The point of marriage (pre-DNA testing) was to assure men that the children in their home were theirs. Men who have that assurance have an investment in the future and build things like businesses, bridges and space shuttles. Men without that go feral. Women who forego an investment in the future become cat ladies.


27 posted on 08/05/2024 8:58:45 PM PDT by Entropy Squared (The Rush to Chaos)
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To: Recovering Ex-hippie
Tell that to women who can’t have children.

My wife and I were unable to have children the ordinary way, so we adopted three. I know couples similarly situated who were open to children and it just didn't happen, and they chose not to adopt.

The difference is mindset, being open to life even if it doesn't come your way. After every real war there is always going to be a surplus of single women, and they often became teachers, nurses, etc. They did not generally become crazy cat ladies because they didn't buy into the idea of the superwoman whose primary aim in life should be a self-centered career and secular achievement. So, when a small subset of society falls into that category, but marriage and motherhood (or religious life) are considered the norm for women, there is no shame if some number of women don't fall in as long as they don't try to become a political force unto themselves reshaping society in their own image. A Europe run by a cadre of Angela Merkels will not fare as well as one headed by a group of Margaret Thatchers.
28 posted on 08/05/2024 9:12:15 PM PDT by Dr. Sivana ("Whatsoever he shall say to you, do ye." (John 2:5))
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To: DoodleBob
cat farmers, feh...


29 posted on 08/05/2024 9:13:18 PM PDT by Chode (there is no fall back position, there's no rally point, there is no LZ... we're on our own. #FJB)
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To: Yogafist

“The thing is, men don’t usually have to give up a family for a career, so they have a support system to fall back to.”

Most “careers” are really just a job. Men have a job to support a family.


30 posted on 08/05/2024 9:17:04 PM PDT by alternatives?
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To: Recovering Ex-hippie

“Tell that to women who can’t have children..”

There is a difference between those who couldn’t and those who waited until they couldn’t.


31 posted on 08/05/2024 9:18:50 PM PDT by alternatives?
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To: Valpal1

Well said.


32 posted on 08/05/2024 9:57:22 PM PDT by Bigg Red (Trump will be sworn in under a shower of confetti made from the tattered remains of the Rat Party.)
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To: DoodleBob

Well, words mean things.


33 posted on 08/05/2024 10:01:50 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; not averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: Recovering Ex-hippie

True

My aunt is N 84 year old childless lesbian who lived monagamously and quietly with her partner for 60 years

She’s also a major Trump supporter who detests wokism and keeps up Saell ask do

Not all are bad news


34 posted on 08/05/2024 10:08:14 PM PDT by wardaddy (Thank you God for saving president Trump from murder)
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To: DoodleBob

Yet despite the fact that there are more women than ever before opting out of motherhood


“Opting out of motherhood” aka “Ideologically sterilized”, for the most part.


35 posted on 08/05/2024 10:13:49 PM PDT by lepton ("It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into"--Jonathan Swift)
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To: DoodleBob

As nature sees it women have only one function in life it’s not to be CEOs of some corporation or vice presidents or presidents!


36 posted on 08/05/2024 11:56:00 PM PDT by Herakles (Diversity is applied Marxism )
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To: DoodleBob

Compared to raising a crop of healthy and happy children everything else seems quite secondary...


37 posted on 08/06/2024 12:01:01 AM PDT by Bobalu (I can’t even feign surprise anymore... And I am tired of the 🐂 💩!)
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To: DoodleBob

The reason is because - for whatever biological reasons - unmarried and especially childless women are the absolute backbone of the Democrat party. That demographic are precisely the types who are highly controlling busybodies who want the government to dictate every last facet of others’ lives. No, that does not mean all. Yes, I’m well aware that there are exceptions. But the facts speak for themselves. Unmarried women are the ONLY demographic the Democrats win but they win this one group so overwhelmingly that it makes them competitive.


38 posted on 08/06/2024 3:04:01 AM PDT by FLT-bird
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To: DoodleBob

They’re more like childless, crazy cat ladies.


39 posted on 08/06/2024 5:16:15 AM PDT by Tom Tetroxide
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To: Dr. Sivana

good post.


40 posted on 08/06/2024 5:49:12 AM PDT by Recovering Ex-hippie (RINO going along to get along with)
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