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Scoville Releases Separate Spiciness Scale For White People
Babylon Bee ^ | 07/20/2023 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 07/20/2023 3:39:53 PM PDT by DFG

U.S. — In an attempt to avoid further injury and traumatic incidents involving Caucasians eating food that's far too spicy for them, the scientists behind the Scoville Scale have announced they are releasing a separate spiciness scale for white people.

"We had to do something to save all those white folks," said Dr. Glenn Jacobs, lead researcher on the Scoville team. "We've been inundated with reports of white people suffering severe injuries while attempting to impress other people by ingesting foods that rank near the top of the scale. This new scale will likely save countless lives."

The Scoville Scale, originally developed in 1912 by a pharmacist searching for a heat-producing ointment, measures the intensity of heat in different foods, such as peppers and hot sauces. The scale has gone through numerous updates over the years as new breeds of peppers and spicier foods have been created. "It became clear that a new whites-specific scale was necessary," said Dr. Jacobs. "While a very minute percentage of Caucasians can tolerate truly spicy food, we found a startling number of white people who think Heinz ketchup is too spicy. Something needed to be done to address this."

The new Scoville Scale for White Folks (which is its official title), features a heat scale that begins with mayonnaise and works its way up to the (according to many whites) blistering heat of Taco Bell's "mild" sauce.

At publishing time, obstacles in the rollout of the new scale were already arising, as several Caucasian test subjects were left red-faced and sweating after eating a single Cool Ranch Dorito.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: dorito; scoville; spicy; tacobell
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To: doorgunner69

My buddy is what I call a chile mad scientist. He’s given me some stuff he grows, such as the Lemon Ghostly Jalapeno and the Goronong from Malaysia. I’m just trying them out.


21 posted on 07/20/2023 5:18:51 PM PDT by BozoTexino (RIP GOP)
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To: Honorary Serb

I’ve adopted this rule when cooking for others with peppers:

Divide by 8 (whatever heat is in the ingredients) and serve with several options for table seasoning/spike (salt, black pepper, cayenne and my Red Savina grinder).

Exception, of course, to those with like tolerance for heat.


22 posted on 07/20/2023 5:25:38 PM PDT by logi_cal869 (-cynicus the "concern troll" a/o 10/03/2018 /!i!! &@$%&*(@ -)
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To: DFG

I’m Scots Irish (’n Spanish ‘n neandethal). My Ethiopian girlfriend had to bring my up to speed. Slowly. Gradually. One increasingly Berbere (the real stuff, not domestic crap) infused dish after another. But now jalapeños are like celery to me, and Ghost Peppers...still working on it. Just takes some training.


23 posted on 07/20/2023 5:27:20 PM PDT by Sirius Lee (They intend to murder us. Prep if you want to live and live like you are prepping for eternal life)
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To: DFG

Babylon Bee may be funny, but I’ve had Camarones a la Diabla before. Basically shrimp in a hot and spicy sauce. Very spicy, but I ate the whole thing anyway.

I’m 1/16 American Indian*, but I might as well be 100% White with my pale skin that burns at the slightest hint of direct sunlight.

*Yes, I said it that way. Sue me.


24 posted on 07/20/2023 5:32:00 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (FBI out of Florida!)
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To: DFG

Now that’s just plain funny


25 posted on 07/20/2023 5:41:00 PM PDT by Nifster ( I see puppy dogs in the clouds )
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To: DFG

Lol, for a second…


26 posted on 07/20/2023 6:02:38 PM PDT by EEGator
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To: Dutch Boy

That’s called mental illness.


27 posted on 07/20/2023 6:03:17 PM PDT by EEGator
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To: DFG
I love curry chicken from the many Chinese takeouts here in the U.S. Mild spiciness but nothing too much.

In London, I stopped by a typical Chinese takeout place that could've been in Anywhere, USA and ordered the same curry chicken I order here. First bite absolutely floored me! A whole different level of spice.

28 posted on 07/20/2023 6:05:42 PM PDT by Drew68 (Ron DeSantis for President. A conservative who fights and wins.)
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To: DFG
I know this is a joke yet every white redneck in the South has a bottle of small-batch hot sauce with a name like "Anal Prolapse" or something like that.

"Ya'll gotta try a little of this!"

29 posted on 07/20/2023 6:09:13 PM PDT by Drew68 (Ron DeSantis for President. A conservative who fights and wins.)
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To: DFG
Tell her to just add a bottle of this to her meal next time.


30 posted on 07/20/2023 6:17:36 PM PDT by LeoTDB69
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To: DFG

This is my wife!


31 posted on 07/20/2023 6:46:55 PM PDT by Blood of Tyrants (It's science and therefore cannot be questioned!)
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To: wbarmy; Chode; SkyDancer; Carriage Hill; Squantos; Lazamataz

LOL !!! That’s freaking funny stuff, Thanks for the Linkey.


32 posted on 07/20/2023 6:48:52 PM PDT by mabarker1 ( (Congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!!! A fraud, a hypocrite, a liar. I'm a member of Congress!!!)
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To: LeoTDB69

I have a bottle of that along with Dave’s Ghost pepper sauce. Of course, I also grow Reapers, Ghosts and Scorpions in my patio.


33 posted on 07/20/2023 6:53:09 PM PDT by redangus
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To: Drew68

I think you should try and market Anal Prolapse. People would buy it just for the name.

I’m thinking of selling a pre workout of caffeine, magnesium and creatine, called Mad Shitz.
The z makes it hardcore.


34 posted on 07/20/2023 7:02:43 PM PDT by EEGator
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To: redangus

“I have a bottle of that along with Dave’s Ghost pepper sauce. Of course, I also grow Reapers, Ghosts and Scorpions in my patio.”

Nice. At one time I had 200 hot pepper plants in the yard, Bhut Jolokia, Devil’s Tongue, Red Savina but my favorite was always cayenne just for eating raw.

The hottest ones I’d dry and grind to powder.

I always loved how the Dave’s bottle said it was good for stripping driveway tar. :D


35 posted on 07/20/2023 7:21:46 PM PDT by LeoTDB69
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To: abigkahuna

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkxMy3V15xU


36 posted on 07/20/2023 7:39:34 PM PDT by Carriage Hill (A society grows great when old men plant trees, in whose shade they know they will never sit.)
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To: DFG

My wife is one of those white people - she orders the mildest sauce at the wing place and complains it’s too spicy.

I’m OK with a little heat, but can’t tolerate anything hotter than a habanero. The ghost pepper and reaper folks scare me - stomachs must be lined with stainless steel.


37 posted on 07/20/2023 7:40:10 PM PDT by Some Fat Guy in L.A. (Still bitterly clinging to rational thought despite its unfashionability)
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To: Carriage Hill

thats it!


38 posted on 07/20/2023 9:13:03 PM PDT by abigkahuna (Honk Honk. It’s Clown World Out There. )
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To: DFG

Thats funny. Im as white as you can get and I have yet to have a hot sauce or pepper that destroys me, all the way through the novelty capsaicin extracts like; The Bomb, Steve O’s hot sauce for your butthole, etc. I use the “Hot Ones XXX” on almost everything, Ed Currie made such a delicious and balanced sauce that respects the flavors of the pepper fruit, but provides excellent heat, especially when use in cooking rather than a condiment. I am also of a huge fan of a local brand. Silagey, every heat level, but respect for the fruit itself. You can buy their products online if you are interested.

I just did a hotwing challenge with some coworkers, we called it “plain to insane”, it was 16 boneless wings, from plain to pure capsaicin extract, plus add the sauce to the bathed and baked wings. Only 4 of us made it past level 8, by round 11 there were three, level 14 just two, Matt and I finished all 16. It was a fun challenge...until the next morning.


39 posted on 07/20/2023 9:15:48 PM PDT by GunHoardingCapitalist (The cake is a lie!)
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To: DFG

When I did professional BBQ, I had a customer on prime rib night ask if I had any sauce less spicy than ketchup, I gave her a condiment cup with water in it.


40 posted on 07/20/2023 9:19:38 PM PDT by GunHoardingCapitalist (The cake is a lie!)
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