Cocaine Mystery Unsolvable [semi-satire]

White House Chief of Staff Jeff Zients explained why the mystery of who left the bag of cocaine in the White House this past weekend may never be solved. "A lot of people think that with all the security we have at the White House it would be impossible for someone to even bring cocaine into the place, much less be allowed to get away without being identified," Zients said. "Sadly, that is not the case."

"First of all, everyone assumes that there are closed circuit cameras recording every place and everything that happens here," he added. "However, out of respect for everyone's privacy the President has directed that all the cameras be switched off. He is especially adamant that his much beleaguered son have at least one island of refuge from prying eyes."

"Second, a strict code of omerta is adhered to by everyone who works at the White House or for the President," the Chief asserted. "It's basically the opposite of George Bush's 'if you see something, say something.' The best precaution for anyone entering the building is to avoid being perceptive. If you slip up and do see something you shouldn't have seen, just keep your mouth shut. As an accomplice to any wrongdoing that might occur, you have a right to refuse to testify if it could incriminate yourself. It's all in the Fifth Amendment--you could look it up."

Former Vice-President and current candidate for president Mike Pence admitted that "I was one of those who thought that everything that happened it the White House would be on surveillance tapes. Now that I know that it is not I can't imagine how charges could ever be brought against anyone for the cocaine incident. I think we need to put this inconsequential episode aside and focus on our nation's top priority--seeing that Russia is defeated in it war on Ukraine. This includes sending Ukraine all the weapons and ammo needed to do the job."

In related news, President Biden has just authorized sending cluster bombs in the next arms package for Ukraine. These weapons are currently banned by over 100 countries for such excessive collateral damage to noncombatants that their use is considered a war crime.

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/346495-2023-07-08-semi-news-semi-satire-july-9-2023-edition.htm

A good word. Some recent posts of mine:

From When Will Stubborn Trump Loyalists Face Inconvenient Truths? (3/24/23)

If we're going to compare appointments, Biden has:
Antony Blinken, who gave American target lists to the Taliban in Afghanistan.
Lloyd Austin, who oversaw the disastrous withdrawal from Afghanistan, the flyover of the Chinese spy balloon, the downing of a drown, etc.
Pete Buttigieg, who's experience with transportation includes the inability to fill potholes.
Richard Levine, who goes by the name of Rachel.
"Scary" Poppins.
Sam Brinton, luggage thief.
Kamala Harris.
At least Obama's appointments understood the obligations of omertà.

From Fetterman Blames the Closed Captioning System on His Disastrous Debate Performance, Debate Host Responds With Fire (10/26/22)

The story under the surface today is going to be how the LAAP-dog media covered up the true nature of Fetterman's condition. Even now, YouTube is pulling down copies of last night's debate, which is legitimate news.
Already, I'm seeing comments about how can we trust that the media is reporting anything fairly after seeing Fetterman with our own eyes?
Just look at how NBC's Dasha Burns' own colleagues in journalism are treating her for exposing Fetterman's true condition? You'd think she violated omertà and had to be whacked for her crime by the way they treated her.

From Rare look: What happened before former Chinese President Hu Jintao was escorted out of Congress? (10/25/22)

I don't think Vince Foster was having an affair with Hillary Clinton. He mentored her and brought her into the Rose Law Firm, and eventually became a close family friend.
I think he was one of those liberal true believers who thought he was going to DC to do good, and became disillusioned at how the Clintons began operating (Hillarycare, WTC bombing, Waco, travel office firings, Baghdad missile attacks).
He threatened to quit and was terminated for violating omertà.

From Is Hillary Clinton really about to get what's coming to her? (5/22/22)

There is a long way to go to prove how deeply Hillary Clinton was involved. Mook's testimony is the first crack in the Clinton omertà.
That said, this author goes a long way to generously give every possible benefit of doubt to Clinton. All of his examples of Clinton's plausible deniability flies in the face of what we know of her past actions.

Finally, from Rush is breaking my heart (12/23/20)

Here is what I've been mulling over.
It's no longer about the integrity of elections.
It's about the integrity of the people who did this. These were people in high offices of trust, who went into it from the start with fingers crossed and intent to steal.
This was planned, coordinated, and with an infrastructure that took years to put into place. Our elected officials conspired to undermine the Constitution and the rule of law for their own personal benefit.
The worst part of it is that these people who "manage... hundreds of thousands of local elections" are our neighbors. They shop at the same grocery stores as we do, they send their children to the same schools as we do, they drive on the same streets as we do, but they go to their jobs with fraud in their hearts and theft of elections on their minds.
They do this because they don't mind breaking the law.
They do this because they justify it by winning.
They do this because they practice omertà, where they expect not to be caught because their accomplices are just as much "in it" as they are.
They do this because they have no feelings of guilt about stealing the votes of their neighbors.
And we have to live next door to them and take it.
Openly stealing the 2020 election as brazenly as they did is about mocking us to our faces, daring us to do something about it, and knowing that anybody who tries will be quickly shut down.
-PJ

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