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Man Who Has Been In Government For Nearly 50 Years Promises To Fix Government
Babylon Bee ^ | 08/20/2020

Posted on 08/20/2020 2:55:00 PM PDT by DFG

According to sources at the DNC, Joe Biden, a man who has been part of government since before Jaws, Star Wars, the Walkman, the NES, and the publishing of The Silmarillion, is just the man for the difficult task of fixing the government.

"This man who has been part of the broken system since 1972 is our last hope to fix the broken system," said a DNC spokesperson. "See, since he's been part of the problem for so long, only he knows how bad the problem is. So only he can fix it. If you got some outsider with, like, morals and stuff, they would be too horrified to even go to Washington in the first place."

"No, we need someone who's been part of the swamp and has participated in much injustice, oppression, and bloodshed to fix the whole thing from the ground up."

He also has a cop helping him out, sources confirmed at publishing time.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; biden; cop; dnc; government

1 posted on 08/20/2020 2:55:00 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

NOW it’s an imperative.


2 posted on 08/20/2020 3:01:30 PM PDT by rktman ( #My2ndAmend! ----- Enlisted in the Navy in '67 to protect folks rights to strip my rights. WTH?)
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To: DFG

Nobody knows how broken it all is than the man who broke it all. Who is better equipped to repair the damage than the guy who broke it in the first place?


3 posted on 08/20/2020 3:04:42 PM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom ("And oft conducted by historic truth, We tread the long extent of backward time.")
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To: DFG

This whole thing baffles me. Slow Joe is what, a three time loser? And Klamydia was just shown the door in the primaries. Its clear no one really wants these two.


4 posted on 08/20/2020 3:05:29 PM PDT by moehoward
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To: DFG

“ According to sources at the DNC, Joe Biden, a man who has been part of government since before Jaws, Star Wars, the Walkman, the NES, and the publishing of The Silmarillion, is just the man for the difficult task of fixing the government.”

This alone would Not be satire ... it’s the truth.


5 posted on 08/20/2020 3:06:32 PM PDT by Rurudyne (Standup Philosopher)
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To: DFG

never too late to promise to start? if I only had known? HELLO?


6 posted on 08/20/2020 3:07:14 PM PDT by Lockbox
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To: DFG

This is the Best of the Best of the Demonrat Party


7 posted on 08/20/2020 3:11:29 PM PDT by eyeamok
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To: DFG

Hell, Biden has been “fixing” govt since before the 8-track tape.


8 posted on 08/20/2020 3:12:00 PM PDT by Bullish (CNN is what happens when 8th graders run a cable network.)
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To: DFG

BB has been spot on lately


9 posted on 08/20/2020 3:30:23 PM PDT by gattaca ("Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." Ronald Reagan)
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To: DFG

“It’s not the government, man, it’s the giverment! And I’m freaking Santa Claus! And that guy my wife picked to run with me, Kumbaya Harlem—what a name, man!—is the black Santa Claus! Look it up, he was born right there in Jamaica, man!”


10 posted on 08/20/2020 3:36:17 PM PDT by Rastus
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To: DFG

The BB calls it again.


11 posted on 08/20/2020 3:37:42 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith...)
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To: DFG

Thank you for not labeling it satire.


12 posted on 08/20/2020 3:38:06 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith...)
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To: DFG

For once a Babylon Bee headline is not satirical.


13 posted on 08/20/2020 3:44:21 PM PDT by pepsi_junkie (Often wrong, but never in doubt!)
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To: DFG; All
"Man Who Has Been In Government For Nearly 50 Years[, Helping To Destroy US Economy By Sending American Jobs Overseas During That Time,] Promises To Fix Government"

There! Fixed it.

Send "Orange Man Bad" federal and state government desperate Democrats home in November!

Supporting PDJT with a new patriot Congress and state government leaders that will promise to fully support his already excellent work for MAGA and stopping SARS-CoV-2 will effectively give fast-working Trump a "third term" in office imo.

14 posted on 08/20/2020 3:56:55 PM PDT by Amendment10
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