Turkey Day (Turkey jokes and stories about your Turkey cooking disasters and triumphs)

11/27/14 | Kartographer

[Kartographer]

Up early just put the turkey in the over well basted with Sam Adams Winter Lager (The turkey is well basted not me!) So I thought I start a fun thread for bad turkey jokes and fun stories about your turkey cooking disasters and triumphs.

To start things off:

"Why did the turkey cross the road?"

"Because it was the chickens day off!"

[tired&retired]

“All time favorite. “I swear I thought Turkeys could fly.””

They do and they are very hard on the car windshield!

[Shimmer1]

Many years ago when husband was stationed at NAS Memphis, I had a turkey in the fridge, defrosting. My husband came home really drunk in the wee hours and knew I’d be very mad at him. So the next morning I wake up and the turkey is cooked! I had a huge metal roaster, I open it up, cooked turkey. Also, floating in the broth were onions. Whole, unpeeled onions. Unpeeled potatoes. Lunch meat. Carrots, tops and all. He’d added flour, sugar. SUGAR!! Everything he could find in the kitchen, he added to Mr. Turkey.
It was so very funny, I had to laugh. and laugh. and laugh.
And you know what? It tasted good!

[niteowl77]

One year when my sister and I were still living at home, we had finished the Thanksgiving Day dinner and were beginning to go into turkey-induced drowsiness, when someone noticed that our psychopathic poodle was quietly engaged in something over by the kitchen counter. As we went over to see what he was doing, the dog wheeled around with the complete remains of the turkey carcass clamped tightly between his teeth, and his eyes looking bloody murder at us. He had surreptitiously managed to get up on the kitchen counter and get the remnants of the turkey down to the floor without a sound.

Not wanting that worthless quadruped to choke on a small bone, dad reached down for the bird's remains, and the fight was on. Oh, the growling, and barking and snapping of teeth… dad's patented cussing… the suppressed amusement of the rest of us…

That was probably the most bizarre Thanksgiving incident any of us had (or ever would have), and human nature being what it is, it is also the one that gets brought up every year and laughed about.

Mr. niteowl77

[bgill]

That reminds me of the retired neighbor, an odd bird herself, decided for the first time in her life to fry a chicken. She had no clue what to do with a whole chicken so asked my grandfather. He told her to first draw and quarter it and he'd be over in a few minutes to help fry it. When he got over there, always the gentleman, he didn't crack a smile but proceeded to cut the chicken while carefully studying her drawing of the chicken with a cross through it.

My turkey triumph - One year, I forgot we didn’t have an oven at the old home place so I had to throw the turkey into the microwave. Thankfully, the microwave was large (ha, last week, after daily use, it died after 35 years! Well, it didn’t die, the door latch broke.). It was the best turkey and the family still talks about it.

My turkey disaster - Not a disaster but a had to be there funny. One year I searched and searched the turkey looking for the packet of giblets. Everyone was laughing at me throwing a fit because it just wasn't to be found. We wuz robbed! No giblet gravy! Of course, when I was carving it at the table, guess what falls out. Every year now someone has be ask if I found the giblets.

[tired&retired]

Had a rooster that used to do that to my daughter when she was about the same age as the child in your video. It would jump on her back, flop her and claw the heck out of her. One day she came in the house crying and upset as it had flopped her again.

I gave her a big red Fat Albert wiffle ball bat and we went back out together. The rooster came at her and she reluctantly swung at it. Bam, feathers went flying and the bird backed up and shook it’s head and returned for the second time. Again the feathers flew. By now she was comfortable and laughing as she hit a home run sending the rooster flying. Soon she was chasing it, swinging the bat and uncontrollably laughing. After that he never bothered her again and stayed clear every time she walked through the run area.

I often look back at that as the turning point in my daughter’s self confidence in all aspects of life. She became the catcher on the high school baseball team, lived in Manhattan(Upper East Side) by herself for a few years, and is one heck of a leader in a multinational corporation. Amazing how one event as a child can change the temperament of a person for life.

[RegulatorCountry]

The first effort I recall my mom ever making to roast a turkey as a child didn’t turn out too well. Cooking was not her forté but oh how she tried. Nobody told her about the packet inside the turkey, for the giblet gravy. She left it inside and the paper began to smolder.

We also suffered the ignominy once of having to call out the fire department on Christmas morning, due to breakfast catching fire on the stove while she was distracted. No damage but flames were reaching up into the vent hood. They came, inspected the attic, no fire. Had a great big fan to suck all the smoke out of the house.

It was a warm Christmas that year, thank goodness. Flip a coin here, whether we’ll be cold or warm on Christmas. Once a decade or so we have snow.

[Brother Cracker]

[Starstruck]

I'm up this morning. The wife is still in bed. The turkey is stuffed and in the oven. I will do the gravy when the turkey is done. My wife will do the sides. We each have our part in this Thanksgiving meal.

P.S. The daughter and son-in-law do the dishes.

[Gaffer]

WKRP in Cincinnatti episode about Thanksgiving day station promotion. Threw Turkeys out from a helicopter several hundred feet up.

[tired&retired]

LOL.... That’s the bat!!!

[EQAndyBuzz]

“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf3mgmEdfwg";

As always, for your viewing pleasure, the WKRP Turkey Drop episode. Perhaps the funniest 22 minutes in sitcom history.

[tired&retired]

“WKRP in Cincinnatti episode about Thanksgiving day station promotion. Threw Turkeys out from a helicopter several hundred feet up.”

Live or frozen?

[Gaffer]

Live.....Oh, the humanity!

[tired&retired]

Just watched the video for the first time. Wiping tears from my eyes I laughed so hard..

Thanks

[IronJack]

Couple of Thanksgivings ago, the floor drain in our basement backed up. So while our houseful — and I mean FULL — of guests were enjoying themselves, I was downstairs shin-deep in all the things that no one was going to eat, trying unsuccessfully to snake out the drain.

Last year, a pipe burst and flooded my daughter’s bedroom, along with half the downstairs.

Thanksgiving is now known as Plumber’s Day around our house.

[Liz]

Happy Thanksgiving

And save room for dessert.

[kitkat]

LOL

[McGruff]

My sister in law when she was a young bride made a pumpkin pie for our Thanksgiving. Only problem was she used squash instead of pumpkin filling. She didn't tell everybody until afterwards. Didn't fool me because I hate pumpkin anything. Or squash anything. She's a much better cook these days. Makes a mean sausage bread. Hint, hint.

[Tired of Taxes]

LOL. Great story. Maybe we all should drink while we’re cooking.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Great memory!