Posted on 04/06/2013 11:15:26 AM PDT by John Semmens
The citation of $400,000 of taxpayer dollars being spent on a study of duck genitalia as an example of waste was assailed by National Science Foundation spokeswoman Deborah Wing.
“I would say that the poll showing nearly 90% of respondents disapproving of this kind of outlay by the federal government bolsters my confidence that we are on the right track in our funding decisions,” Wing contended. “To the average person, this looks like a poor use of money. This is why expert opinion must overrule an uninformed general public.”
“Lost in the rush to ridicule how federal funds are disbursed are the incredibly intriguing findings of studies like this,” Wing explained. “I mean, how many of these critics were aware that duck penises are cork-screw shaped—a piece of information that might never have come to light without this study? The future value of such information is incalculable. We must never permit the quest for knowledge to be stifled by the short-sighted selfishness of taxpayers and their advocates.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/131850-2013-04-05-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-april-7-2013.htm
Rather than either or, why not neither nor of the spending choices?
yes of course you are right
(but if you cut off all their harmful and/or wasteful spending, and especially the most ridiculous parts of it, then the administration will have a giant collective heart attack for sure....”cold turkey withdrawl” may be too difficult for them to withstand...?)
Gotta be done by a “duck d*ck doctor.”
Not Safe For Minors
“Do you quack like a duck
When you f#@%, do you quack,”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eY-sDKtIhbc
Its not going to the ducks. It’s going to line some politician’s pocketbook.
Is that Long Duck Dong?
Automobeeeeeel?
LOL! You beat me to it!
“Yes, but first you must induce the duck to have an erection.”
Didn’t you get the memo?
Duck Viagra is our next Federally Funded research project.
To be a balanced study, we must evaluate ducks in their winter habitats, say Rio or Cabo.
We will need AT LEAST $500K-$600K.
“Yes, but first you must induce the duck to have an errection.”
Half the money went to the fluffers.
University of Massachusetts-Amherst professor Patricia Brennan defends her government-funded duck genitalia research in face of Fox news online poll, Internet debate
They funny thing is the government does fund crap like this. How else would they know what to put into their grade school studies of multiple sexualities?
1.4 Million Stimulus Dollars for Sex Study
http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2012/05/15/Stimulus-Money-Funded-Sex-Study
"Duck erection, people erection! You Americans and your erections! In DPRK we have no erections!"
This is what happens when we have allowed the government access directly to our paychecks. It is purely criminal that people’s very own income is taxed and far far beyond what the founders fought against the king for. It will die soon!
All I know about ducks and sex I learned from Mary Prankster.
I love how she concludes that male ducks rape female ducks. While it may indeed be interesting I still am not sure how we will benefit from this research. However, I will watch to see if this research does lead to mankind's, or even duckkind's, benefit.
This brings us back to the ducks. Male ducks force copulations on females, and males and females are engaged in a genital arms race with surprising consequences.
Male ducks have elaborate corkscrew-shaped penises, the length of which correlates with the degree of forced copulation males impose on female ducks. Females are often unable to escape male coercion, but they have evolved vaginal morphology that makes it difficult for males to inseminate females close to the sites of fertilization and sperm storage.
Males have counterclockwise spiraling penises, while females have clockwise spiraling vaginas and blind pockets that prevent full eversion of the male penis.
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