Don't Do What I have Done

[freejohn]

The only purpose that I have in posting this is to let the younger freepers know something that took me .. until now, to learn.

First, a little background.

I joined the army in 1969, went to jump school, joined the rangers and then .. got drunk, got stoned and went on to win a purple heart on my first tour.

I became 'self-important' as a ranger. Didn't think that the world would notice what I was Really doing/becoming.

The stories that a lot of you have seen in movies and on tv shows .. like M.A.S.H are true. I spent most of my two tours of duty as a drunk and pot head.

Came out of nam, went to school and eventually got a career in the airlines as a career pilot.

From 74 until 78 I was literally "Flying High". Great career, Great wife and a new daughter on the way.

Only problem was .. I WAS flying high. (Don't worry, I was only the flight engineer)

Long story short .. I was fired from Delta, lost all of my friends, lost my wife and lost my newly born little girl.

After all of that, I became a homeless drunk.

Here's the kick in the ass.

EVERY TIME I drank, which was Every day, I wanted to "Steal" something!

Something inside me WANTED to Steal something .. something, small or large .. it didn't matter!

I spent YEARS in different penitentiaries because I was a drunk and .. a thief and apparently .. a Very bad thief.

My life after and between imprisonment was one low end job after another.

I lost EVERY job I ever had because of my drinking.

Well, one day I got a job .. (Not too long ago), doing something that I enjoyed and which paid 'good money'.

I met a wonderful lady and .. I Finally had a life!

After seven years .. You guessed it .. I got caught .. drinking on the job.

All of this time, I was able to hide my past life from my lady.

I only tell you this because .. it all caught up to me.

After applying to Wal-Mart for 'another' job, after losing my 'dream job' .. I received a letter in the mail from an investigative services agency that represented Wal-Mart .. OUTLINING EVERYTHING that was in my past.

My Lady found and read it.

Tonight, I sit here, unemployed for over two years now and my Lady no longer trusts me.

My Lady is 70 years old, has to work to support us and I .. well I am a 59 year old former drunk, former thief who just wants it all to end.

For you youngins .. It just isn't worth the cost of the next bottle .. to end your life as an embarrassment, like I have.

To the rest of you .. Thank You for allowing me this moment.

[Tammy8]

Tomorrow is a new day, and you can make it the beginning of your new life as a sober person, one that your wife can trust. If you need help, get help- right now. It won’t be easy to get sober and stay sober but it will be worth it every day of the rest of your life. You know what drinking has done for you, now it is time to find out what sober can do for you.

[Bronzy]

Looks like you are not talking to us. What do you think?

[Twinkie]

The mercies of the Lord fall fresh every morning. Get yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on keeping on.

[GunRunner]

Chemically, there's no way to escape the fact that its a depressant. It will depress your body functions, which helps you relax, but your body is going to need to recover, and the recovery affects everyone differently.

I have two buddies that swear they don't get hangovers. I've seen them drink themselves silly until 3 in the morning, and then be at the gym at 7am and at work by 8:15.

I've read that if you're prone to blacking out after moderate the heavy drinking, you're at higher risk for alcohol dependency problems. I have a friend who says that no matter how much he drinks, he's never ever blacked out and remembers every moment as if he were sober.

Another guy I know can drink with the best of them, but is able somehow to keep his speech patterns perfect even when he can barely stand up; no slurring or stuttering.

Everybody is different. I heard Anthony Hopkins tell his story during a bio on him, and he was a raging alcoholic early in his career. He said that during the late 70s, he was living and working in theater in New York. His agent got a call from him one weekend and Hopkins told him that he woke up in Albaqueque, New Mexico in a hotel room, and that he had absolutely no idea how he got there. That's when he knew he had to quit or else he was going to kill himself or someone else. Hopkins remarked that he respects people that can enjoy a drink now and then, but that he is the type of person that cannot.

The key is knowing one's limits and how your body chemistry is going to handle the intoxication and the recovery. Unfortunately, the only way you learn is with a little bit of practice coupled with some responsibility, which are hard to juggle.

[ModelBreaker]

Our stories are similar. Only I got sober about 20 years ago and managed by the grace of God not to go to jail.

A few suggestions:

1. Find a church. Get involved. Shovel sidewalks. Set up chairs. Whatever. The church should have small groups. If it doesn’t, find another church. Join a small group and attend. Even if you are only making $50 a month, tithe 10% of it to the church.

The Church should not be a feel-good church—you have spent most of your life trying to feel good and will fall for the feel-good part like a fish taking a lure. It should be one that seriously talks about sin, redemption, forgiveness and grace. You qualify for all of them. Most Nazarene and Assembly of God churches are not feel-good churches. But there are many other fine churches.

Someday, think about doing a prison ministry but that’s for when you have you feet planted more firmly than it sounds like you do now.

2. You can’t do anything to fix your wife’s hurt. That’s up to her. So don’t sweat it—it’s out of your control. If you are newly sober, you will almost certainly act like a jerk sometimes to her in the future. When that happens, apologize and move past it. That’s part of getting sober. You have spent 40 years perfecting your jerk skills. It takes a while to unlearn them. OTOH, she’s hurt (appropriately) and will almost certainly act like a jerk to you. All you can control is how you react. Forgive her and move past it. Don’t make a big alcoholic deal out of forgiving her.

3. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or better, a county hospital type place. Lot’s of folks dying of alcoholism there—pancreatitis, liver failure and wet-brain are awful. That’s you if you don’t stay sober. You have time if you’re unemployed. Ride the bus there if you don’t have a car. Help someone else and you help yourself.

4. You probably belong in AA.

5. Alcoholism is progressive. Your disease is doing pushups while you are sober. If you drink again, it will be worse than last time.

6. God just gave you another chance. Maybe 5 years, maybe 30. So don’t kill yourself. That’s rejecting a priceless gift from the creator of the universe.

[Kay Ludlow]

Ask the Lord to reveal to you your purpose in life - let him guide you back to a productive and meaningful life.

[Kennesaw]

Hello Freejohn,

Thank you for sharing this part of your life.

You are no embarrassment. You are just an imperfect human like most of the rest of us.

Thanks for serving our country.

I am glad you are here.

[freejohn]

Thank You .. All of you.

Someone on this thread said that this may be just another con.

I might would agree with that assessment “if” there were something that I could gain from conning any of you.
No, this is just me trying in some small way to give my life some meaning.

If my post can open Just One young persons eyes to what life means and how easy it is to ‘throw away’ .. 59 years to alcohol and selfishness .. I will have done .. ‘something’ that mattered.

Again .. Thank You.

[grasshopper2]

People who don’t understand the power of alcohol either from their own dependency of from that of a loved one can’t empathize. Your story, of course, doesn’t speak of any “cons” and I am sorry one person wrote that and you read it. Your story is and was, as you stated, a cautionary tale to warn others not to let alcohol get a grip on one’s life. Thank you for your story. Maybe it has helped someone reading it. Best wishes to you.

[GenXteacher]

Thank you for your service, and God bless you. The Almighty can do all things, so put your faith in Him, and lean up on Him when you feel your own legs fail.

[LachlanMinnesota]

We are put on this Earth for a purpose.

Sometimes it is to be an example to others - about what can happen to you if you are not careful, and then about what can happen to show that there can be redemption and a life well lived. You have been the first example, now you need to be the second example for as long as you can.

You will touch many that you do not even know. The ripples of a good example, spread as far as the ripples of a bad example.

[Gene Eric]

To avoid donating body parts to machinery, I found that guzzling a quart of club soda is a good way to quench one’s thirst.

Prayers up on your journey.