Posted on 09/13/2010 1:27:22 PM PDT by big black dog
Pronto Pizza – La Serena, Chile
This creator of this restaurant should be thrown in jail. You’re looking at a picture of what should be called The Hawaiian Bastard.
It arrived half-cooked. I had to dig through a thicket of shredded ham, pineapple and –yes – cherries before finding a bite that seemed reasonable.
Imagine if candy was made out of ham. No, don’t imagine it as delicious. Imagine it as foul! That’s what this pizza tasted like. With additional pieces of uncooked, shredded, part-skim mozzarella.
Oh, and let’s discuss the concept of cherries on pizza: No. End of discussion.
Buenos Aires, Argentina
For the most part, don’t even bother with pizza in Buenos Aires. It’s about the most disgusting thing ever cooked in a country full of things that are perfectly cooked. Get thee to a meatery and skip this nonsense.
Don’t believe me? Witness big goops of cheese that taste like year-old butter. Add Oregano to cover the sweating fromage, which overpowers any hope for a cohesive taste. Toss on green olives the size of human testicles, just to make the whole thing seem even less palatable than…testicles.
The cheese is the problem here – somehow the Argentines know what to do with the meaty part of the cow but they have no idea what to do with the milky part. It sweats as if masturbating, defending a pie of oozy things that can’t be wiped up with a paper towel (it adheres to the slop and only makes it worse).
If you must eat a pizza in Buenos Aires, I highly recommend that you eat out. Anything delivered will arrive on one side of the box, looking more like a swollen eye than a pizza pie.
San Marco S.R.L., Piazza San Marco, Florence, Italy
It’s one of those In Theory pizzas, kind of like the crazy-combo pies that chains launch and pull before the coupon hits your mailbox. Yes, this is a French Fry Pizza.
What it amounts to is a pile of potatoes cooked in greasy cheese and pizza dough. It doesn’t work – not in the least. I watched another tourist give it a go and she couldn’t figure it out either. She squiggled a little ketcup onto her piece, took a bite, then threw it in the garbage. I assume that she pointed her hunger towards McDonalds shortly thereafter.
Please, put this miserable, suffering beast of a pizza down.
Suba Galaxy Hotel, Mumbai, India
A foul, atrocious pizza awaits anyone staying at The Suba Galaxy.
I broke budget in order to stay in a soundproofed room that blocked out Mumbai’s consistent howl. My stomach growled for something familiar and eventually I gave into the most primal of urges: Room Servive. The tray arrived, the lid came off and I could have cried. This was not my beautiful house. This was not my beautiful wife.
I implore you. DO NOT EVER put onions inside of a pizza, especially ripe and uncooked offenders. I’d also like to suggest that feta doesn’t work in this context and that mystery greens are not generally acceptable in any form.
This pizza was devious, deceptive and evil.
Italian Pizza, Lonely Beach, Koh Chang, Thailand
You’re thinking that it doesn’t look too bad, this one. This is only because you’ve seen the above pizza pictures. It’s relative, sir/mam. Look at it again. It’s awful!
The first thing that most Thai pizza-makers do is start with a pre-made base, kind of like you’d find in aisle six of Stop & Shop. Many times, they’ll take just about any kind of jarred tomato sauce (I’ve seen Ragu) and add it to cheese that tastes a bit of dirty socks and coriander. The pizza pictured is a fine example.
Yes – It serves us Falang tourists right for ordering pizza in Thailand. Yes – we should know better and just order the Pad Thai like every other backpacker. But no, we can’t resist the promise of a real pizza.
It’s the ladyboy of the food world – we know it’s not real but by-gosh, we’re going in anyway.
#6 must be Little Caesar’s.
THAILAND????
Picking one at random - when I was in India, I did NOT order pizza. Delicious Indian food for breakfast, lunch and dinner - no Delhi Belly - and low prices that would bring tears to your banker’s eyes!
Ping for later read
I’d have to say Chuck E. Cheese is worse than Little Caesar’s and you probably will be involved in a “rumble’ in the parking lot.
Don’t get me started!
I’ve had “pizza” in Japan. Not talking about okonomiyaki - that’s actually pretty good; no, I’ve had the Japanese attempt at Italian pizza. Here are some things I’ve seen on it:
Kidney beans
Potatoes
Seaweed
Corn
Fish (not anchovies, but I did have an anchovy danish once for breakfast in Japan)
Lettuce
Other things I couldn’t identify but didn’t belong on a pizza.
God bless the Japanese, their food is wonderful, just not their pizza!
The author seems to be a whiney pretentious snot.
Dial 911 and tell them “THEY ARE OUT OF CHICKEN NUGGETS!”
;^)
TT
I have distant cousins in northern Italy and a group of the family from this side went to visit a few years back. One night the whole extended clan went out for pizza and the Italian kids ordered the french fry pizza. It’s the favorite of Italian 8 year olds. I’ll admit that it looked a little better than the one in the picture, though.
I suppose it's still better than a North Korean pizza.
http://www.buriramexpats.com/muang-pizza-buriram/
Yes, I know why you asked Thailand?
:)
Chuck E. Cheese Pizza should be treated as a Crime Against Humanity.
One of the best pizzas I’ve had was in Athens.
Pizza Ranch and Chuck E Cheese must surely be in that list.
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