DUmmie FUnnies 02-08-09 ("Someone please remind me why America is so great.")

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | 02/08/2009 | DUmmie leftofthedial, DUmmies, and Paul Heinzman

[Paul Heinzman]

Liberals are wont to bristle when their patriotism is questioned and then proceed to spout off that dissent is patriotic and that they can hate their government and still love their country. While these are valid points, the tables have turned; conservatism is now the dissenting view. Sadly, these guys won, and won big. They should be happy, right? They finally got the government they wanted. More than a trillion dollars worth of the government they wanted.

Well that isn't the case. Oddly, less than three weeks after the coronation of Obama, a stroll through the DUmp will turn up dozens of complaint threads about the Democrat controlled Executive and Legislative branches, as we've seen on numerous DUmmie FUnnie episodes since the election.

But, as we all know, patriotism is about love of country, not of government. Every so often, liberals will let down their guard and reveal their true feelings about their country, as is witnessed in this DUmmie THREAD, "Someone please remind me why America is so great."

So let us now witness the underlying hatred of America being debated with only the feeblest of arguments to the contrary in Bolshevik red while the comments of your humble guest correspondent, Paul Heinzman, are in the [brackets].

Someone please remind me why America is so great.

[“If you have to ask ... you'll never know.”--Louis Armstrong.]

About 30 million of us can't get a job at all.

[I thought it was 500 million a month.]

Millions of those who do have a job (or three or four) work the longest hours in the civilized world for below-poverty wages and no benefits.

[Maybe they're just not applying themselves.]

Those anachronistic middle class people who make a "living" wage and have benefits must now work longer and longer hours and find that the benefits are often unusable or have become worthless now that the economy is in the toilet.

[401K's are currently the best bargain this side of PJ's $1.50 DiGeorno pizza source.]

Our political "leaders" work for our enemies and simply ignore our votes when it suits them.

[You voted for those "leaders."]

Our roads, bridges, schools, power grid and other public infrastructure have not been up to current standards since the 1960's.

[Every time a code changes we have to tear down everything and rebuild? Oh, no! My drywall is only 1/2" thick. Might as well burn this dump to the ground and start over.]

Our health care system serves only insurance companies, wealthy doctors and the ultra-wealthy elite who can afford care. Sick citizen? You are f**ked, pal.

[I'm not your pal, friend.]

Our education system is an underfunded, overly politicized joke.

[The NEA told me so.]

Our economic system has been hijacked by a relative handful of predatory, greedy vermin who now own virtually everything, including our homes.

[You are talking about the Congress of the United States, sir. Show some respect. They are a handful of DISTINGUISHED predatory, greedy vermin.]

We no longer have a viable manufacturing base. Indeed, we couldn't last two weeks without importing poisonous crap from China.

[We would THRIVE without importing poisonous crap from China.]

Our civil liberties have gone the way of the dodo bird; we now must shuffle through lines like a bunch of docile concentration camp inmates just to travel from one state to another.

[Yeah, those welcome signs at the state line are so insincere.]

And god forbid your name (or one similar to it) ends up on the wrong government shitlist.

[We were more than happy to let Bill Ayers go to Canada. It was their government that turned him away.]

Our media are owned by our enemies, so the LAST thing you'll ever hear on the "public airwaves" is an ounce of truth.

[That explains why Obama gave his first interview with our allies at Al Arabia.]

How is this all that different from, say, the Soviet Union circa 1965?

[I'd really, REALLY love to have a time machine right now to send DUmmie leftofthedial back to 1965 Moscow with a stack of copies of his rant and a box of thumbtacks.]

I mean except for the part where we don't really have health care or a manufacturing base or an education system.

[The USSR was known for their healthcare, manufacuring and education in the mid-60's. They were the envy of the world. My Sociology 101 prof told me so.]

More to the point, how is this really any different from, say, England in the 1300's?

[They didn't have the Internet in 14th century England, though it was quite popular in Italy. Did you know that The Decameron started out as a blog? Now let's hear from the rest of the Dummies.]

the difference: they say "have a nice day" as they kick you in the teeth

[In the gulags, when they kicked you in the teeth, they REALLY DID kick you in the teeth. And that was how they said "have a nice day." If they didn't want you to have a nice day, they came back and worked on other parts.]

And the rightwing answer is: "If you don't like it, then you can leave."

[That's not the "rightwing" answer--that's the RIGHT answer.]

do it, leave, I did, I am far happier in France than I was in the USA

[And we are happier without you.]

How did you go about moving to France? Was it difficult to orchestrate?

[Invading France is easy, so I imagine moving there is a breeze.]

I met and fell in love with a French woman in Chicago, so I got nationality really easily.

[It was a buy one get one free sale in Chicago.]

I know it is much more difficult/impossible with dogs, so we will have to wait, but we are really serious about getting out while it is still possible.

[It probably is easier with a French woman than with a French poodle, but why not give it a try.]

The difference between Canada and the USA is that Canadians have the common sense to protect themselves first and foremost.
Canadians are really more like the French than I'm sure many of them would be willing to admit.

[The whole world knows that if they mess with either of them, they'll answer to the US. With a bodyguard like that, who needs to go to the gym?]

living in Canada is like going to prom with your sister. Sure she may be pretty, and has good manners...
but wouldn't you rather go with the punk chick that lives one street south of your sister--the one that drives the Camaro and drinks Jack Daniels and dances and stays out till 4am having a good time?

[DUmmie Raskolnik only got to second base with his sister on prom night.]

Times are tough, but this country has been through worse. America will never be a utopia, but even with all our current problems, we still have it pretty damn good.

[Quit pepping my downer!]

Yup. Our system of government allows for non-violent "civil wars".

[I'm betting your political science professor taught you to call the peaceful transition of power in America a "non-violent civil war."]

You sure the beaten, neutralized, bushified System is still capable of such?

[Still Bush's fault!]

Explain how we have been through worse?

[Got food?]

You cannot compare this to the great depression in any sense.

[No, you cannot. In the Great Depression, poor people were starving. There was not one overweight poor person then.]

So just how have we been through worse? What are you using to compare this to?

[Jimmy Carter's America was much worse than this. But be patient, we'll get there.]

We had a real media then and people knew where they stood and people were much in the same boat where we are not now. Corporations did not amount to a few who owned and controlled everything .

[Franklin Roosevelt got on TV the day of the Crash of '29 to calm the people down. Joe Biden told me so.]

If I hear this again I'll go mad.

[That train has already left the station.]

The list is endless of how different it is now than then , endless.

[Like the list of your mental disorders.]

the Civil War and the Great Depression were probably worse, yes.

[Ya THINK?]

Compared to many parts of the world, we're doing pretty well.

[Compared to ANY parts of the world, we're doing pretty well.]

I don't think life is all that bad for most Americans. Yes it can and should get better, and this is why I think highly of this country.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!]

yes, my life will be a wonderful bed of roses and delicious elixirs, all because for at least another month or two I have access to the Internet...

[They have access to the Internet in China, too, DUmmie leftofthedial. The difference is you have the freedom to use it fully.]

Our immediate needs are being met, we're free to bash our government

[If that's your immediate need then I'd say you have it pretty good.]

Well, it's like you just got hired to run a big-ass farm

[And you just got benburch's attention.]

When the bosses in the 1300's shafted the people they didn't telll them it was for their own good.

[When they shafted people, they REALLY shafted people.]

"We're Number One!"
is such a load of number two.

[Sounds like you're pissed off.]

English toilets of the 1300's would have been ghastly. Plus I think they were actually still burning folks at the stake. The plague was doing brisk business, too. Science was in the pits, thanks to the Church.

[But aside from that, how is America so much better?]

I'm no big "USA!" cheerleader...

[So you're the one who read Will Pitt's book.]

[Charles Henrickson]

How did you go about moving to France? Was it difficult to orchestrate?

The first try didn't work out too well:

[Charles Henrickson]

I know it is much more difficult/impossible with dogs. . . .

Some of the retrievers are good water dogs.

[Charles Henrickson]

going to prom with your sister. Sure she may be pretty, and has good manners...but wouldn't you rather go with the punk chick that lives one street south of your sister--the one that drives the Camaro and drinks Jack Daniels and dances and stays out till 4am having a good time?

DUmmie stevenumbers can't even get his SISTER to go to the prom with him.

[Charles Henrickson]

the Civil War and the Great Depression were probably worse, yes.

[Charles Henrickson]

Compared to many parts of the world, we're doing pretty well.

Sorry, only one Kewpie Doll per thread.

[bcsco]

Well, since they still want to leave, I’ll toast them farewell with an Elijah Craig. Not that I need a reason to enjoy one...

[Paul Heinzman]

Oh, bringing the theme of another thread over here. I like it. I think I was finally able to sneak enough folding money into my wallet that I’ll be picking up a bottle of Elijah Craig on my way home from work tomorrow.

[bcsco]

I think I was finally able to sneak enough folding money into my wallet that I’ll be picking up a bottle of Elijah Craig on my way home from work tomorrow.

Good for you. I hope you enjoy it. I ran out last weekend and haven't had the time to refill the larder. Oh, well. That'll be corrected sometime this week. But after my lovely wife's birthday. First things first, you know...

[Army Air Corps]

Our roads, bridges, schools, power grid and other public infrastructure have not been up to current standards since the 1960's.

Wow, so all the roads, bridges, schools, and power grid imporvements since the 1960s have been to 1960's standards? DU teaches you something new every day.

[luvie]

...even...because it's SO rare!

[luvie]

Sorry, only one Kewpie Doll per thread.

OOPS!

[Future Snake Eater]

I can’t figure out why they want to leave now. Didn’t their dreams just come true electing the messiah?

Yeah, same here! This, honestly, is very puzzling behavior...I really don't get it.

[SolidusRaccoon]

Our health care system serves only insurance companies, wealthy doctors and the ultra-wealthy elite who can afford care

Wow, who knew that busting my butt, doing honest labor, would make me one of the ultra wealthy elite?

[Paul Heinzman]

Great work, as always.

[Paul Heinzman]

Canadians are really more like the French than I'm sure many of them would be willing to admit.

Canadians are some pretty tough hombres, by and large. I wouldn't mess with them in anything but a good-natured way. There are a lot of badass French people too.

I hope all our Canadian and French FRiends took these comments in the spirit they were intended.

[Roscoe Karns]

I think the DUmmies actually like all the doom-and-gloom news coverage of the economy. It gives them an excuse for failure. Even when times are good they are constantly looking for the cloud that surrounds the silver lining. They are never happy.

[Dianna]

Yeah, same here! This, honestly, is very puzzling behavior...I really don't get it.

It is a total mindset. My very liberal cousin recently (last weekend) moved into a larger apartment. She was sure that everything in her life was going to be different because the new apt was better. It is bigger, has more light, it has a "real kitchen" that she can cook in, etc.

I very gently reminded her that even if she moves, she is taking herself with her. The problem isn't her old apartment, her problem is her attitude.

She moved last week and...she still doesn't like her job, she still doesn't cook, there is too much light in her bedroom at night, and the traffic is too loud.

[Budge]

Yeah, same here! This, honestly, is very puzzling behavior...I really don't get it.

It is because the United States didn't instantly become a true socialist/communist state when the big "o" was sworn in.

[Cyber Liberty]

Canadians are really more like the French than I'm sure many of them would be willing to admit.

That one kinda swerved into the thruth there....

[wbill]

("Someone please remind me why America is so great.")

Well, before I even read the article or any comments on the thread....

I'd say that the first thousand or so reasons why America is awesome have to with the fact that anyone can make a post like "Remind me why America is so great" without getting disappeared.